Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #25 . . . 13 Unfortunate Talk Show & Reality TV Truths . . .

Before we dive into the list, let me just put it out there, I'm not a fan of too many talk or so-called reality tv shows. It wasn't always that way. Back in the day, I couldn't get enough of The Real World. I even watched a couple of seasons of Survivor and Big Brother. I'll even admit that every now and then, for laughs, I'd tune into Springer or Maury, but it didn't take long for all of that mess to get OLD.

I'm saying, to each his or her own, but, for me, most of these shows have become so predictable, senseless, exploitive and uncreative, I fail to see the point of watching. I mean really, don't we all pretty much recognize the following scenarios?

1) If two 300 plus pound women are fighting over a guy, the fella in question is sure to be skinny, unemployed and/or in need of extensive dental work.

2) If there's a drunk in the "reality" house, there's sure to be plenty of gratuitous cussing, fighting, vomiting and other overly gross and graphic losses of bodily functions before the season's end.

3) If she's dressed in a French maid outfit, punctuating every other sentence with "girlfriend" while owning an Adam's apple as big as a baby's fist, she's probably a man.

4) If her hair-do is jacked up, hacked up or a right hot mess, her attitude probably is too.

5) If there are more than 3 attractive individuals in the "reality" house, the expectation is--two or more of them will hook-up for at least one session of hot and heavy boot-knocking.

6) If his mama, sister, auntie, play cousin or any combination of the aforementioned are on the show boisterously defending his behind, he's probably a dead-beat daddy, been locked up more than a time or two and/or is trifling as all get out.

7) If she's willing to kiss Flava Flav in the mouth, she'd probably kiss a dog square in the butt for a sum between $200 - $500.

8) If she's blonde, big-breasted and an airhead, she probably won't be among the first kicked or voted out of the "reality" house.

9) If there's a Blk man in the "reality" house, he will undoubtedly fall into one of the following stereotypes--"the angry Blk man," "the funny Blk man" or "the overly sexed Blk man" (who in the hell casts these shows anyway, David Duke and his crew?)

10) If she's weeping and wailing, hyperventilating or doing a Holy Ghost dance, she's either just been informed that the baby ain't his or she's somehow ended up on Oprah's Favorite Things Give-Away Show.

11) If his shoes are pink, purple, orange or red and he's wearing an outfit in the same color, he's either a preacher, a pimp or a circus clown.

12) If any of her kids are named Barcardi, Courvoisier, Alize, Chivas, Martini or in honor of any other brand or type of liquor, she more than likely isn't certain who the baby daddy is.

13) If the kid is barely 3 years of age, weighs close to 100 lbs or more and is on the show scarfing down doughnuts or big boy burgers with bacon & extra cheese or a tub of buffalo wings and all while clad in an adult-sized diaper, his Mama 'Nem and the talk show host/moderator are all big-time enablers who need to be getting the child in question some help rather than allowing him/her to be so blantantly exploited.

Hey, don't get mad at me. I just call 'em like I see 'em (LOL). So, do you have any reality show and/or talk show truths you'd like to add? If so, have at it!


pussreboots said...

Thirteen reasons why I don't watch talk shows or reality TV. Happy TT.

Ashley Ladd said...

I never did like talk shows. I only catch a few minutes if they're on at the doctor's office or somewhere else where I'm trapped.

Nicole Austin said...

13 great reasons I don't watch reality tv or talk shows! LOL!

Happy TT!

Malcolm said...

This T13 is true, sad, and funny at the same time. As I knew and hoped you would, you touched on one of things that pisses me off about reality TV (#9 on your list). I still get mad when I think of how David got asked to leave the house in season 2 of "The Real World".

Another truth I would like to add is related to the reality dating shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorette. The pool of potential mates will always include at least one Black who won't last beyond the second episode. Sorry Jamal or Sharonda, no rose for you.

SandyCarlson said...

11 made me laugh so hard I may need to go lie down for a few minutes! This was a great list. No. 1--also killer funny!

Michelle said...

I tried watching these type of shows and your right they get old. I started feeling sorry for these poor fools on the show. Great idea for your TT and Happy TT to you.

bernieg1 said...

Great TT. You cited every reason I do not watch this stuff. Thanks! :)

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Yasmin said...

happy tt
lol and yuck on #7...hehe.

Hootin' Anni said...

#12...well, that one just cracked me up.

My 13 are listed, I do hope you can find time to stop over! happy thursday

marcia@joyismygoal said...

I agree 12 was a hoot and 11 but over all those and their shows are just NastyLOL

Christina said...

LOVE this!!!

Happy TT

pjazzypar said...

Lori, You are crazy! You had me cracking up because what you said is so true. Two 300 pound women and the Flava Flav comment! Classic stuff. I have often been amazed that they could find 15 women willing to kiss Flav, for real.

plez... said...

i'm always amazed that they can find ONE WOMAN eager to kiss Flava Flav... that has to be the most busted Negro in the history of television!

bettye griffin said...

Hilarious, Lori!!!

Keith said...

I have nothing to add, but my favorit fro your list is #12!