1) You will be overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers.
2) You will be less than impressed by the pettiness of folks you thought you knew.
3) If you take a bowl of candy to one of your signings, some little fat kid is bound to come along and help him/herself to a big handful or two. Seriously, some little fat bast--um, I mean--adorable tyke will have the nerve to mean mug you while he/she's scarfing down and/or carting off the bulk of your treats.
4) If you show up at one of your signings with a tray of cookies & brownies, some old guy who claims he's a pastor will help himself to two or three pastries before informing you that he doesn't read the kind of books you write.
5) The thrill of checking your Amazon numbers will be a short-lived one.
6) You'll receive unsolicited phone calls, gifts and other such attention from people whose sole intent is to get close to your agent.
7) You'll discover an online "review" that reads more like a personal attack against you, than an objective critique of the book.
8) Folks who can barely navigate the ins and outs of basic grammar will offer to "edit" your next "fictional novel"-- for a reasonable price, of course.
9) You'll uncover inner strengths and talents you never realized you owned.
10) You'll gain a newfound respect for book lovers, librarians, and independent bookstores.
11) Folk who have no real interest in you or your book will stop by the table where you are signing and insist that you smile and pose for pictures.
12) You'll eventually conclude that writing the book was the easy part.
13) You'll learn not to take candy or pastries to your book signings . . . or perhaps you'll just learn how not to sweat the small stuff (LOL).
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