Wednesday, October 24, 2007

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #7 . . . 13 TRICK OR TREAT DON'T (S) . . .

I'm early, I know. Halloween is another full week away. But I felt a need to air these particular feelings/grievances ahead of time. And now that I have, I feel so much better (smile).

1) DON'T send your kid out to knock on doors until you've first taught him/her proper Halloween etiquette. "Give me some candy!" and "Is that all you've got?" are not acceptable substitutes for "Trick or treat! and "Thank you."

2) If you're 13 years old or older and you're thinking about knocking on my door and asking for candy . . . DON'T . . . unless you're looking to be embarrassed or have the police called on your behind.

3) If you're thinking about letting little Ashley dress up like Peaches the stripper or Kitty the call girl, and calling it a costume . . . DON'T! That mess is SO NOT cute.

4) If you forget to buy candy, DON'T try to substitute those stale mints and those dried up sticks of gum that have been sitting in the bottom of your purse or in that dusty bowl in the living room forever. That's just nasty . . . and trifling.

5) If you're one of those anti-sugar freaks, DON'T pass out toothbrushes and dental floss--sheesh, just turn out the lights and keep your durn door shut.

6) DON'T send your child up to my house clutching one of those big, green, 30-gallon sized trash bags, unless he/she is pretending to be a sanitation worker. It's Halloween folks, not garbage pick-up day.

7) If you're sitting in the house in your drawers, getting your drank on, when the door bell rings, do us all a favor and just DON'T answer it.

8) DON'T pass out candy you had left over from Valentine's Day or worse yet, last Halloween.

9) If you notice that my porch light and all of my house lights are OUT or I've got a big a$$ neon sign on my door that says, "NO CANDY HERE!" DON'T bother to knock or ring my freaking doorbell.

10) If you see me out trick or treating with my kid, DON'T jump out the bushes and holler "Boo!" unless you're looking to get clubbed, maced or possibly even shanked. Mama DON'T play that.

11) If your religious beliefs prevent you from participating in Halloween, DON'T spoil it for the folks/heathens who do by passing out prayer cards, verses from Revelations or communion wafers.

12) If there's a thunderstorm or a blizzard or the weather man says there's a tornado, hurricane or a tsunami in the immediate vicinity, please DON'T show up at my door trying to trick or treat.

13) DON'T send your child out door-to-door on Halloween without a costume or at least some make-up. That's not trick or treating folks, that's just plain ole begging.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

20 comments:

ellen b said...

You're killin me with your TT! You'll be safe coming to my house...

Sandy Carlson said...

This is super! You said all that needs to be said to the kill joys out there! I love this holiday. Thanks for saying these things.

Nicholas said...

re #11, do people actually do that? What killjoys!

Janet said...

omg you had me laughing SO hard at some of these!!! Thanks for visiting!

FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

Great tip for Trick or Treat Participants.
My T13 is up too.

Lori said...

I give treats to all ages. If they've taken the time to dress up, they get candy from me. Maybe because I have teenagers and I had a few doors shut in my face:)Happy TT.

Hootin'Anni said...

Hey....that's the Halloween Spirit!!!

Happy T T-ing
{ps...I love Halloween, so no tricks coming from my house!}

Yen said...

LOL..Thanks for the list! :)

Mine is up here;
Thursday Thirteen!
Happy TT!

Mama Pajama said...

This was hilarious! My favorite is the one about the gum from your purse. Great TT!

Malcolm: said...

Good tips Lori! Kids having the nerve to ask "Is that all you got"? Ungrateful little...

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

You so rock girlfriend. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Right on the money. This is the best TT today and I visited a whole bunch. Have a great TT and thanks for the laughs and amens. :)

Titania Starlight said...

I loved you list! I agree 100% with all of them. I really liked #11. What is wrong with those people. Kids are doing it for fun they could care less about anything else. Again. loved your T13! :o)

*Rae* said...

LOL omg your list was hilarious thanx for the great list happy TT

Michelle Davis Petelinz said...

As usual, a great TT, girl!
I almost choked laughing about #7...so well said!

Xakara said...

Good to know my neighborhood isn't the only one where #11 has happened. I wouldn't have been surprised that we were being picked on as especially heathen, but good to know the killjoys are spreadin' the love.

That said, you had me crackin' up! Some people are just scandalous.

~X

Joyismygoal said...

good list you take this serious don't you :>

Norma said...

A great list--I'd say it myself, but where we live, the little urchins don't come. This is so sensible.

My TT is up.http://collectingmythoughts.blogspot.com/2007/10/thursday-thirteen-13-places-my-purse.html

shelia said...

lol...I will have to refer to your post on Halloween...I hope I don't forget because these were funny.

Terra said...

LOL, this was a great laugh! I agree with them too... Well except I can send my 13 year old with my 8 year old right? I mean I might die if I had to walk in the cold! :)

Emanuel Carpenter said...

If you want to see something funny, when the kids yell trick or treat say trick and watch their puzzled little faces. Remember when tricks were a part of Halloween?