Thursday, December 12, 2019

FOR THE LOVE OF LISTS AND LAUGHS


A few followers of my blog might remember how much I enjoyed coming up with lists for the now defunct Thursday Thirteen meme.  Whenever I could, I tried to inject a bit of humor into my lists.   I miss those days. But not long ago, I found a spot that welcomes my OCD driven brand of humor and list fixation.


If you’re at all interested in checking out my odd and (hopefully) amusing lists,  I encourage you to look me up on the Humoroutcasts website. My latest post covers the 8 Reasons I May Stop Going To The Movie Theater.  Let me know what, if anything, has altered your movie-going experience.

My first post on the Humoroutcasts website covered the 9 Wrestling Smack-downs I'd love to see. The matches included Mitch McConnell vs. The Notorious RBG and Lindsey Graham vs. The Squad. Checkout the full post on the website if you'd like to see some of the other matches on my list.


Monday, June 03, 2019

FIGHTING BATTLES

Recently, I shared the following on my Facebook Page


Okay, so I have a problem I’d like to share in hopes that some kind soul can offer a solution.  For the past several days, I’ve been struggling to win a fight--a contest of wills, if you will, and with a most formidable opponent.  At the moment, all in my world is calm to the point of being downright peaceful. I’d like to believe that I may have unwittingly gained the upper hand. But in the past my opponent has proved both clever and agile, so I’m not totally convinced the battle is over or even close to being won.
And just who might my evil nemesis be? A chipmunk. Yeah, you heard right, I’ve been doing battle with this dang devil of a chipmunk who won’t stop digging holes in the pot of zinnias I recently planted.
So, the pot--full of potting soil-- sat undisturbed on my front porch for about a week until I finally decided to go ahead and
plant my zinnia seeds. I can’t remember if I planted the seeds before my recent trip to ATL or shortly thereafter, but I do know
this past weekend is when the showdown began.  My gardening skills are limited. So having spotted a number of little green
shoots jutting up through the soil, I was feeling pretty good about myself. But on a casual stroll past the windows adjoining
the front door, I noticed all of this dirt scattered about on the porch. A quick peek thru the window blinds confirmed my
fears--something had been messing around in my flower pot.  The hubby suggested a bird might be the culprit. A cat
or possibly a snake were my first thoughts.
Whatever it was, maybe it will go elsewhere is what I told myself as I refilled the hole the little varmint had created in the
potting soil.  Ha! The very next morning, what--or make that who do I see on the porch snuggled up next to the pot when I
peeked through the blinds--yep, ole guilty himself--Mr. Chipmunk.

“Don’t you dare!” I shouted as I snatched opened the door and watched him make a run for it.  Knowing it was only a matter
of time before he made a return visit, I did a Google search for how to chase away chipmunks and found a “cayenne pepper” solution.  Mix cayenne in some water and spray around the area.  Not only did I spray the area down with cayenne water, I sprinkled a healthy dose of red pepper flakes around the pot too. You think it worked? Ha! I’m pretty sure Mr. Chipmunk said, “Well, would you look at this.  Ole Girl was nice enough to leave out some seasoning for the zinnia seeds.” Yeah, that little joker came back and dug yet another hole, leaving dirt and little green leaves scattered everywhere.
I was standing at the door, scratching my head, cursing beneath my breath, and trying to figure out what to do next when the
folks from Best Buy pulled up with the washing machine I’d recently purchased. In hauling out the old washer and carting in
the new, the Best Buy guys adjusted front door so it would remain in the open position while they work.  Not a problem--except if Mr. Chipmunk shows up again and on spying the open door decides to slip inside and pay me a surprise visit.

In anticipation of such an occurrence,  I called my son downstairs to watch and stand guard.  ‘Cause y’all know,
if Mr. Chipmunk gets inside of my house, it’s all over with right?  Yeah, I don’t have any problems going toe-to-toe with the
little varmint outdoors, on my front porch, and even in the front yard.  But once he’s inside of my house all bets are off.
Really, he can have it, I’m saying, the house as well as any and everything of value inside, ‘cause you best believe, I will be
exiting the premises with the quickness and calling for backup in the form of the nearest pest control agency.
Fortunately, it didn’t come to that.  After the Best Buy guys left, I had my son move the flower pot to the backyard
and place it on a patio table.  A temporary solution that might buy me some time until I could think of what to do next.
Another Google search turned up a suggestion for tea tree oil.  Okay, so the next morning before I head off to the drugstore to
purchase the oil, I peek out the window off the patio and guess who I see?  Yep, Mr. Chipmunk. I kid you not, he was
hanging out near the table containing the pot of the remaining zinnias, just as big and bad as you please,
as if to say, “It’s going to take a whole lot more than that to get rid of me, girlfriend!” Lil dude was straight up selling wolf tickets, but all it took was a quick jiggle of the door to send his little butt running again.
As it stands now, I guess we are at a stalemate of sorts.  On purchasing the tea tree oil, I gave the pot of zinnias a real good
greasing.  I’m not sure if the scent alone is supposed to keep the chipmunk away or if the slipperiness of the now greased up
pot will keep him from climbing inside the container again and break-dancing around in my potting soil.  Even though it’s
been a while since I’ve seen Mr. Chipmunk or any evidence of his presence, I wouldn’t put it past him to show up again. The hubby jokingly said when he does come back, he’ll probably be accompanied by a few of his little chipmunk friends.  
All I know is that Alvin and ‘nem better keep their little furry paws off my zinnias! But if my tea tree oil doesn’t work
y’all, I’m open to suggestions--especially from those of you with green thumbs and who have successfully chased pests
from your garden (s) before.  Seriously. Thanks in advance.











Friday, May 10, 2019

A LITTLE LIGHT (1 of 3 Winners in a "First Chapter" Contest)

I'M A WINNER (1 of 3 actually)


For those who enjoy my fiction, I’m proud to announce that the first chapter of my unpublished novel
--A LITTLE LIGHT--was selected as one of the winners in the Meet Me @ 19th Street “First Chapter Contest.”


Meet Me @ 19th Street is an online literary journal published by Arch Street Press. If interested, you can
read the first chapter of A LITTLE LIGHT on Arch Street Press’s website. The chapter ends in a way that I hope
will make you want to read more.  Should you happen to like what you read, please share the link on FB and Twitter
or pass it along to a friend. Also, feel free to share your comments here. Thanks!