The following is a post I made, not too long ago, on a friend's blog (see Consider This in the OSM's sidebar under The Cleveland Crew) I believe I've been married long enough (coming up on 20 years now) to share this kind of advice. I've also had the benefit of being an eye-witness to several relatively happy and long-term marriages, including my parents, both sets of grandparents and the hubby's folks . . . "Let's Stay Together" (Al Green, 1972) wasn't just a song, it was once something folks actually thought worthy of their pursuit.
Now days, I guess folks are too busy trying to be pimps, gangstas, thugs, rappers, strippers, TV airheads, bimbos, video ho's, ballers, shotcallers, the next American Idol, the next hoochie in Flava Flav's harem . . . Okay, basically anything that will grant 'em quick money (ie. chump change) and 15 minutes of fame. With everybody out here scrambling to be noticed and get paid, who has time for the increasing foreign concept of "love" much less it's antiquated partner, marriage? Then again, maybe this is just what the media (publishing world included) would like us to believe in order to keep selling us all sorts of garbage (smile).
Am I preaching up in here today, or what?! Sorry, it's probably the sugar rush from all the Valentine's Day candy I've been eating. I'll stop (both eating & preaching) and just share some of my, admittedly, "Old School" thoughts about marriage.
An OSM short list of the components and/or features of "A Good Marriage" . . .
1) When the two of you share more "good" remember when tales than "bad" ones;
2) When you can look at him (or her) from across the room and he (or she) knows exactly what you're thinking and vice-versa;
3) When something bad happens, he's (or she's) the first somebody you want to tell and when something wonderful happens, he's (or she's) the first somebody you want to tell;
4) When upon review of your marriage vows (particularly, "the for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" portion) you still consider them more of a privilege than a hardship;
5) When the sound of his (or her) snoring brings you more comfort than annoyance;
6) When you can both openly comment, praise, outright eyeball the physical attributes and/or attractiveness of another because you know neither of you is interested in venturing beyond a look and
7) When you're comfortable enough with one another to sit in a room for hours in relative silence and engaged in seperate tasks without thinking something is wrong.
Anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject. Care to share any of yours? I'd love to hear them even if they differ from mine. In any case, happy V-Day y'all! Don't forget to give a card, a kiss or a box of candy to somebody who needs it . . .