Wednesday, February 14, 2007


The following is a post I made, not too long ago, on a friend's blog (see Consider This in the OSM's sidebar under The Cleveland Crew) I believe I've been married long enough (coming up on 20 years now) to share this kind of advice. I've also had the benefit of being an eye-witness to several relatively happy and long-term marriages, including my parents, both sets of grandparents and the hubby's folks . . . "Let's Stay Together" (Al Green, 1972) wasn't just a song, it was once something folks actually thought worthy of their pursuit.

Now days, I guess folks are too busy trying to be pimps, gangstas, thugs, rappers, strippers, TV airheads, bimbos, video ho's, ballers, shotcallers, the next American Idol, the next hoochie in Flava Flav's harem . . . Okay, basically anything that will grant 'em quick money (ie. chump change) and 15 minutes of fame. With everybody out here scrambling to be noticed and get paid, who has time for the increasing foreign concept of "love" much less it's antiquated partner, marriage? Then again, maybe this is just what the media (publishing world included) would like us to believe in order to keep selling us all sorts of garbage (smile).

Am I preaching up in here today, or what?! Sorry, it's probably the sugar rush from all the Valentine's Day candy I've been eating. I'll stop (both eating & preaching) and just share some of my, admittedly, "Old School" thoughts about marriage.

An OSM short list of the components and/or features of "A Good Marriage" . . .

1) When the two of you share more "good" remember when tales than "bad" ones;

2) When you can look at him (or her) from across the room and he (or she) knows exactly what you're thinking and vice-versa;

3) When something bad happens, he's (or she's) the first somebody you want to tell and when something wonderful happens, he's (or she's) the first somebody you want to tell;

4) When upon review of your marriage vows (particularly, "the for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" portion) you still consider them more of a privilege than a hardship;

5) When the sound of his (or her) snoring brings you more comfort than annoyance;

6) When you can both openly comment, praise, outright eyeball the physical attributes and/or attractiveness of another because you know neither of you is interested in venturing beyond a look and

7) When you're comfortable enough with one another to sit in a room for hours in relative silence and engaged in seperate tasks without thinking something is wrong.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject. Care to share any of yours? I'd love to hear them even if they differ from mine. In any case, happy V-Day y'all! Don't forget to give a card, a kiss or a box of candy to somebody who needs it . . .


Keith said...

On Feb 27th I'll be married for five years. We're not at the #6 level yet. I'll let you know when we get there. :-) That said, all the others hold true in my marriage, which is a great thing now that you got me thinking about it.

Congrats on nearly 20 years! That's truly something to be proud of in times like these.

Lori said...

Hey Keith,
Thanks and much congrats on your own upcoming 5th anniversary.

As for #6 on my list, well, you know, not everybody can get there or "go there" if you will (smile). The hubby and I have been friends since I was a teen (he's always been an old man *grin*) so, we've got lots of history . . . Also, it helps to maintain a good sense of humor.

Sharon J. said...

Congratulations on your upcoming 20th anniversary! My parents were married for nearly 30 years until my mother passed away. You gave some wonderful advice.

Lori said...

Sharon J.,
Thanks! My own folks have been married for 47 years, if I'm not mistaken. Incredible, huh?

mr said...

Congratulations on your upcoming 2 decades.

My Aunt, a very Southern lady and Registered Nurse, told me something once that I (later) thought was very insightful. I had to think about it for a "minute".

She was talking about marriage and how she thought a lot of newly married couples didn't seem to want to *work* at their marriages or *fight* for their marriages. She said,(and with my memory I'm sure I'm paraphrasing)"They want everything to be smooth. The first problem that comes up they're headed for the divorce court. What they don't understand is that the problems create scar tissue, just like any cut. It happens and you have to let it heal. And scar tissue is stronger than regular skin." Take from that what you will. Aunties are wise ol' souls.

Lori said...

Dang MR,
Now that's DEEP(smile)! Thanks for stoppin' in and droppin' some of that "Southern Auntie" wisdom on us. Just like a nice dose of Castor Oil, it does a body good . . .