Theo & Charmaine . . . Did What?!

Do you all remember "Theo" (Malcolm-Jamal Warner) from the Cosby Show and "Charmaine" (Karen Malina-White) who starred in both the Cosby Show and A Different World? Well, I just learned they got married! Yup, I ran across the item while hanging out at A Diary of A Content Black Woman's blog last night. (Click HERE to view the Content Black Woman's post and to see a picture of the happy couple).

I'm not so sure why the thought of the two of them jumping the broom makes me smile, but it does. Maybe because I have such fond memories of both of those shows (Cosby & A Different World). Or perhaps because the news is a welcome and much needed sign that not all is lost and gone to rot when it comes to young love, particularly in the aftermath of the whole Chris Brown & Rihanna debacle.

Of course, had I learn that "Theo" and "Rudy" had gotten themselves hitched, it might have taken me more than a minute to adjust, if only because those two played siblings on the Cosby Show (LOL). Yeah, I know, it was all make-believe, but in my head somewhere, that whole world still very much exists (smile).

Anyway, I wish them all the very best.

Thursday Thirteen #36 . . . Thirteen Places/Ways To Meet People . . .

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine and her husband went their separate ways after 17 years of marriage. Recently, my friend went out with a guy she met through an online dating service. On last report, all went well. While I admire my friend's sense of adventure and willingness to try something new, were I in the same situation, I'm not sure I could go the online route.

Ever since hearing about my friend's choice, I've been wondering about the alternatives and options. If you're single and not particularly into the whole club scene, how do you go about meeting other single people? More to the point, were I to suddenly find myself single again, what type of places might I visit, activities might I engage in or routes might I explore in my quest for companionship?

I doubt if online dating is something I'd ever consider. On the surface, it just doesn't appeal to me, even though I've joined groups and met a number of decent folks offline via my online contacts and connections. But to be clear, I wasn't looking to date or get romantically involved with any of those folks.

As odd as it may sound, I'd probably also automatically rule out grocery stores and religious institutions. First of all, I just don't see a lot of young, single-looking guys (I'm willing to admit, 'single-looking" is an assumption) in the grocery store. I know they've gotta eat sometime, but I'm guessing after a quick run to the beer, chip and possibly the frozen food aisles, most of them are in the store and out. Now, if one is in the market for somebody else's husband, the grocery store is probably just the place to find him. He'll be the one with the lost look on his face and the honey-do list in his hand.

The religious "rule-out" is a bit more complicated and admittedly a bit more biased. Even though I've been a member of and regularly attended many a fine religious insitution in my lifetime, to be frank, "church men" just don't appeal to me. Back in the day, when I was single, I had more than my share of unsavory experiences with men, who though they quoted scripture and went to church on a regular basis, were certified nut-cases and/or straight-up buck wild hypocrites and super freaks. LOL.

And I know that works both ways. I knew this guy who joined a church and a Sunday School class for the sole purpose of hooking up with and getting over on some humble, unsuspecting church girl, only to end up getting a whole lot more than he bargained for . . . I'm talking crabs, people . . . yeah, the little crawly, itchy, all up in the pu&!c hair kind? Can the church say, "Glory! Have mercy! That sho'll is nasty!" LOL

Of course, you can luck-up (or out) and find a creep anywhere. But the following list includes some of the places I'd consider frequenting and activities I'd consider getting involved, were I single and looking to meet somebody

1) A Friend's Family Gathering--My own extended family celebrates a lot of the holidays together and there are always plenty of single men present. Were I single, I'd definitely try to snag an invite to someone's Fourth of July or Memorial Day backyard barbecue. Unfortunately, in my case, I don't think introducing any of my single friends to any of my single relatives would be such a great idea (LOL).

2) Art Exhibits--I happen to have a genuine interest in art, so this would be a natural choice for me.

3) Book Stores--Again, I'm a booklover and I've noticed a lot of folks do hangout in book stores these days, particularly on the weekends. Striking up a conversation with a fellow booklover wouldn't be that hard.

4) College Courses/Adult Education Courses-- Why not look for love or companionship in an environment where others are striving to stimulate their minds, pick up a new skill set and/or better themselves?

5) Coffee Shops--Just about every city or suburb is full of these and they're open at all hours of the day and night. Were I single, I just might choose a different one to vist every weekend. Why settle for sitting at home alone with a book and/or your laptop when you could do both at a coffee shop and possibly meet someone interesting in the process?

6) Dog Parks--Guys who own dogs, generally walk them. If I owned a dog, I would think this might be a good place to meet someone who at least shared my interest in healthy, well-adjusted canine.

7) Group/Association/Club--This seems like a no-brainer. Join something, a professional organization, a neighborhood association, a writing group, Weight-Watchers (smile), the possibilites are endless.

8) Gym/YMCA--Who doesn't need to exercise more? Were I single and looking to mingle, I'd stay away from the areobics class and hang out with the fellas using the machines and the weights or walking/jogging along the track.

9) Library-- I used to work in a library, so I know single guys do frequent and work in such places. Of course, the guy who hangs out in the library everyday in order to sleep, gawk at online porn or actively research the number of Martians and Leprechauns living among us, is probably not the guy with whom you want to strike up a conversation.

10) Outdoor Music and/or Art Festivals-- In addition to people, typically, there's plenty of food and fresh air at events like these. So even if you don't meet anyone, you're bound to have a good time.

11) Restaurant Bar--When eating out, why not try sitting at the bar sometimes rather than a table? I would think a single guy is more apt to approach a woman who's seated at the bar as apposed to the chick who's getting her grub on alone at some table.

12) Sporting Events-- The great thing about sports is that typically the fans out number the participants. If you can't afford to go to an actual game, there's always the sports bar.

13) Volunteer Activities-- Were I single, this would probably be the first place I'd start looking in hopes of finding someone with a generous spirit and who values helping others.

What about you? Care to share any ideas or suggest a few things you've actually done or perhaps, you've avoided doing? (smile)

Interested in

Other Thursday Thirteen Participants?

MEMPHIS LOVE . . .

This morning I made an impromptu appearance on live radio! While signing books at Brentano's last night, I made a reconnection with an old classmate from my LeMoyne-Owen College days. Come to find out, my old classmate is the host of his own radio show on KWAM 990 (The New Voice of Memphis). "Tony Todde" is my friend's radio name and it was my pleasure to appear on his hour-long show this morning at 11:00.

A big shout-out to Tony and all of the other Memphians who came out and showed me some love at Brentano's this past Tuesday evening. My Memphis signings have been my favorite and most successful ones, thus far. The homefolks really know how to make a homegirl feel special (smile).

I'll be at Brentano's (Oak Court Mall) again this Saturday (December 27) from 2pm-4pm. If you'd like a signed copy of After The Dance or you'd just like to stop by and say, "Hello," come out out.

Until later . . .

Happy Holidays!

Hold Up, Wait A Minute! A FREE Audio Sample of After The Dance . . .

I guess I started tooting my horn a little too soon (see previous post) because today I discovered the audio version of After The Dance is now available via Amazon.com.

The actors (Caroline Clay & Ezra Knight) who read the work do an EXCELLENT job. If you'd like to listen, a FREE audio sample is available HERE. (Just press the listen button and you'll hear both Carl & Faye at no charge).

Now, if you're interested in purchasing the download, Amazon is runing a promotional special for only $29.79!

Wow! I've never been a big fan of audio books, but now that I've heard a sample, you know I can't wait to listen to mine (LOL). Oh, and I absolutely LOVE the cover on the audio version. No, it's not how I picture the characters, but it conveys so much warmth and tenderness. Beautiful! Job well done!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY . . . GRANDDADDY!!!

Edgar, Mae & Aunt Snooks

From Lori's Picture Collection

The handsome dude you see in the picture above is my grandfather, Edgar Hawkins. If you look closely, you'll notice not only is he standing in-between two nice-looking ladies (my grandmother & and my great aunt), but Ole Boy is holding a bottle of liquor in one hand and several bills in the other. This picture gives me a bit of insight into why another one of my grandmother's sisters tagged my Granddaddy with the nick-name "The Pimp." (LOL)

Today is my Granddaddy's 91st birthday! And I'll have you know, he's still

sound of mind, serves as an usher in his church, drives his own car, goes fishing and hunting, enjoys watching baseball and CNN and is still every bit of the character you see in the black and white picture above.

My grandfather was born in 1917 in Water Valley, Mississippi. He was the third of eight children produced by Alberta and Vernon Hawkins. He dropped out of school somewhere between the fourth and fifth grades and went to work in the saw mills. He served overseas in WWII and I'm mad at myself because I can't find his army picture (I'd fully intended to post it in this piece).

He played baseball in his youth and was decent enough to be scouted by a pro-team, but by the time the Jackie Robinson finally broke the color barrier, my grandfather was deemed too old to play.

After leaving the service, he eventually landed a postion, making crates at the Defense Depot in Memphis, a position he held until he retired in the '80s. Two of the highlights of his career while working at the Depot include, single-handedly filing a civil rights law suit against them in 1968, which he won (I do have the paper-work to prove it) and breaking the jaw of the White co-worker who made the mistake one day of calling Ed Hawkins out of his name (LOL). And for those of you who buy into all of those tv & hollywood sterotypes about murderous Southern White folks and scared Negroes, no my grandfather didn't get fired or run out of town or threatened with lynching for breaking his White co-worker's jaw. What he got when he returned to work the next day was standing ovation from his Black co-workers. Yeah, those are the stories from the Delta, ya'll don't hear . . .

Ed & My Son

From Lori's Picture Collection

Anyway, I think it's safe to say, I inherited a bit of my Granddaddy's hot temper (smile) and don't mess with me disposition. It takes a longer for mine to boil, but once I get there, oh, it's on, like pop-corn (LOL). I lived with my grandparents, off and one while I was a child and again, while intending college in Memphis. I am who I am, the good and the bad, because of them and I wouldn't have it any other way.

When the hubby and I finally settled down and bought a home in Memphis, we lived less than a 7 minute drive from my Granddaddy. As you can see from the picture above and the one below, the old dude proved a very capable baby-sitter. Of course based on the bill I see in my little boy's hand, I think he just might have picked up a little more from his great-grand than I thought or ever intended for him too (smile).

Ed and his great-grandson

From Lori's Picture Collection

So, I just wanted to send out a "Happy Birthday" shout-out to the Old Boy and congratulate him on reaching the grand old age of 91. . . not only because I love him and I want to honor him but because as one of Toni Cade Bambara's character's states in the short story, "My Man Bovanne"--

. . . "you gots to take care of the older folks . . . 'Cause old folks is the nation."

QUOTES THAT MAKE YOU GO . . . HMMM . . .

I'm on the road and doing a lot of miscellaneous reading (Jet, Essence and the like). In the July 23rd issue of JET, I ran across several interesting quotes. The following has to do with a movie I've been thinking about seeing-- "Talk To Me." The movie is about an ex-con turned deejay and the program director who gives him a break. Even though the film has a lot going for it--including actors, Don Cheadle and Chiwetel Ejiofor as well as director Kasi Lemmons, the reviews I've read have been mixed. But the following comment made by the screenwriter Michael Grant really made me stop and think.

"What I found in telling their story was that there is a love shared between Black men that we almost never hear tell of. You won't find it defined in any text books or dictionaries, yet it exists."

I think, for the most part, what Mr. Grant said is true. And I'd love to see more movies deal with this topic. But right off hand, I can think of at least one other movie that did a fairly decent job of dealing with the love that exists been Black men who aren't biologically-related--"Boys In The Hood."

Have there been others? If you've seen the movie, do you agree or disagree with the screenwriter's statement?

A GOOD MARRIAGE . . . A FEW THOUGHTS . . .

The following is a post I made, not too long ago, on a friend's blog (see Consider This in the OSM's sidebar under The Cleveland Crew) I believe I've been married long enough (coming up on 20 years now) to share this kind of advice. I've also had the benefit of being an eye-witness to several relatively happy and long-term marriages, including my parents, both sets of grandparents and the hubby's folks . . . "Let's Stay Together" (Al Green, 1972) wasn't just a song, it was once something folks actually thought worthy of their pursuit.

Now days, I guess folks are too busy trying to be pimps, gangstas, thugs, rappers, strippers, TV airheads, bimbos, video ho's, ballers, shotcallers, the next American Idol, the next hoochie in Flava Flav's harem . . . Okay, basically anything that will grant 'em quick money (ie. chump change) and 15 minutes of fame. With everybody out here scrambling to be noticed and get paid, who has time for the increasing foreign concept of "love" much less it's antiquated partner, marriage? Then again, maybe this is just what the media (publishing world included) would like us to believe in order to keep selling us all sorts of garbage (smile).

Am I preaching up in here today, or what?! Sorry, it's probably the sugar rush from all the Valentine's Day candy I've been eating. I'll stop (both eating & preaching) and just share some of my, admittedly, "Old School" thoughts about marriage.

An OSM short list of the components and/or features of "A Good Marriage" . . .

1) When the two of you share more "good" remember when tales than "bad" ones;

2) When you can look at him (or her) from across the room and he (or she) knows exactly what you're thinking and vice-versa;

3) When something bad happens, he's (or she's) the first somebody you want to tell and when something wonderful happens, he's (or she's) the first somebody you want to tell;

4) When upon review of your marriage vows (particularly, "the for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" portion) you still consider them more of a privilege than a hardship;

5) When the sound of his (or her) snoring brings you more comfort than annoyance;

6) When you can both openly comment, praise, outright eyeball the physical attributes and/or attractiveness of another because you know neither of you is interested in venturing beyond a look and

7) When you're comfortable enough with one another to sit in a room for hours in relative silence and engaged in seperate tasks without thinking something is wrong.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject. Care to share any of yours? I'd love to hear them even if they differ from mine. In any case, happy V-Day y'all! Don't forget to give a card, a kiss or a box of candy to somebody who needs it . . .