Thursday Thirteen #37 . . . 13 Areas In Which I'm Woefully Behind . . .

1) Reading -- Don't mean to be redundant, but not only do I have a stack of books awaiting my attention, but the magazine pile is even thicker and taller.

2) Joining The Facebook Revolution -- I really do plan to join one day soon. But I know it's going to be time-consuming and right now, I just can't spare any.

3) Dusting -- Yes, those evil dust bunnies are not only multiplying, they've begun mutating and marauding around here.

4) Decluttering -- I know getting rid of and/or finding better places to store all of my junk would make me feel a whole lot better.

5) Trying new recipes -- I still collect them (which only adds to the clutter), but it's been months since I've tried preparing a new dish.

6) Arranging old pictures in photo albums -- My photo collection is a mess. I stopped regularly cataloging my son's pictures when he was in Kindergarten. He's now a middle-schooler. Sheesh!

7) Doing my taxes -- It's not like we owe anything, at least I don't think we do (smile). As long as we take care of this before April 15th, I guess we'll be all right.

8) Scrap-booking-- Yeah, see #6, 'cause the same applies for all of my son's school and sports memorabilia. Except, it goes back even further. At this rate, he'll be an adult and I'll just be putting together his preschool album . . .

9) Watching dvds I've purchased -- I buy them, but then I don't make time to watch them . . . and then I forget I even have them.

10) Deleting old email -- I kid you not, in one of my email accounts, I have over 500 undeleted email. I read them, but don't take the time to delete the ones I don't need to keep.

11) Updating my blog -- What can I say? One day, I'll get to it.

12) Visiting the dentist -- I'm so ashamed. I still have all of them, my teeth, that is (smile) and I am making sure the kid goes on the regular.

13) Having pictures developed -- I have a disposable camera that has undeveloped pictures on it from last summer. Everyday, I say I'm gonna take them to be developed, but it has yet to happen.

So, am I the only one?

Would you like to visit other Thursday Thirteeners?

Be my guest!

Thursday Thirteen #36 . . . Thirteen Places/Ways To Meet People . . .

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine and her husband went their separate ways after 17 years of marriage. Recently, my friend went out with a guy she met through an online dating service. On last report, all went well. While I admire my friend's sense of adventure and willingness to try something new, were I in the same situation, I'm not sure I could go the online route.

Ever since hearing about my friend's choice, I've been wondering about the alternatives and options. If you're single and not particularly into the whole club scene, how do you go about meeting other single people? More to the point, were I to suddenly find myself single again, what type of places might I visit, activities might I engage in or routes might I explore in my quest for companionship?

I doubt if online dating is something I'd ever consider. On the surface, it just doesn't appeal to me, even though I've joined groups and met a number of decent folks offline via my online contacts and connections. But to be clear, I wasn't looking to date or get romantically involved with any of those folks.

As odd as it may sound, I'd probably also automatically rule out grocery stores and religious institutions. First of all, I just don't see a lot of young, single-looking guys (I'm willing to admit, 'single-looking" is an assumption) in the grocery store. I know they've gotta eat sometime, but I'm guessing after a quick run to the beer, chip and possibly the frozen food aisles, most of them are in the store and out. Now, if one is in the market for somebody else's husband, the grocery store is probably just the place to find him. He'll be the one with the lost look on his face and the honey-do list in his hand.

The religious "rule-out" is a bit more complicated and admittedly a bit more biased. Even though I've been a member of and regularly attended many a fine religious insitution in my lifetime, to be frank, "church men" just don't appeal to me. Back in the day, when I was single, I had more than my share of unsavory experiences with men, who though they quoted scripture and went to church on a regular basis, were certified nut-cases and/or straight-up buck wild hypocrites and super freaks. LOL.

And I know that works both ways. I knew this guy who joined a church and a Sunday School class for the sole purpose of hooking up with and getting over on some humble, unsuspecting church girl, only to end up getting a whole lot more than he bargained for . . . I'm talking crabs, people . . . yeah, the little crawly, itchy, all up in the pu&!c hair kind? Can the church say, "Glory! Have mercy! That sho'll is nasty!" LOL

Of course, you can luck-up (or out) and find a creep anywhere. But the following list includes some of the places I'd consider frequenting and activities I'd consider getting involved, were I single and looking to meet somebody

1) A Friend's Family Gathering--My own extended family celebrates a lot of the holidays together and there are always plenty of single men present. Were I single, I'd definitely try to snag an invite to someone's Fourth of July or Memorial Day backyard barbecue. Unfortunately, in my case, I don't think introducing any of my single friends to any of my single relatives would be such a great idea (LOL).

2) Art Exhibits--I happen to have a genuine interest in art, so this would be a natural choice for me.

3) Book Stores--Again, I'm a booklover and I've noticed a lot of folks do hangout in book stores these days, particularly on the weekends. Striking up a conversation with a fellow booklover wouldn't be that hard.

4) College Courses/Adult Education Courses-- Why not look for love or companionship in an environment where others are striving to stimulate their minds, pick up a new skill set and/or better themselves?

5) Coffee Shops--Just about every city or suburb is full of these and they're open at all hours of the day and night. Were I single, I just might choose a different one to vist every weekend. Why settle for sitting at home alone with a book and/or your laptop when you could do both at a coffee shop and possibly meet someone interesting in the process?

6) Dog Parks--Guys who own dogs, generally walk them. If I owned a dog, I would think this might be a good place to meet someone who at least shared my interest in healthy, well-adjusted canine.

7) Group/Association/Club--This seems like a no-brainer. Join something, a professional organization, a neighborhood association, a writing group, Weight-Watchers (smile), the possibilites are endless.

8) Gym/YMCA--Who doesn't need to exercise more? Were I single and looking to mingle, I'd stay away from the areobics class and hang out with the fellas using the machines and the weights or walking/jogging along the track.

9) Library-- I used to work in a library, so I know single guys do frequent and work in such places. Of course, the guy who hangs out in the library everyday in order to sleep, gawk at online porn or actively research the number of Martians and Leprechauns living among us, is probably not the guy with whom you want to strike up a conversation.

10) Outdoor Music and/or Art Festivals-- In addition to people, typically, there's plenty of food and fresh air at events like these. So even if you don't meet anyone, you're bound to have a good time.

11) Restaurant Bar--When eating out, why not try sitting at the bar sometimes rather than a table? I would think a single guy is more apt to approach a woman who's seated at the bar as apposed to the chick who's getting her grub on alone at some table.

12) Sporting Events-- The great thing about sports is that typically the fans out number the participants. If you can't afford to go to an actual game, there's always the sports bar.

13) Volunteer Activities-- Were I single, this would probably be the first place I'd start looking in hopes of finding someone with a generous spirit and who values helping others.

What about you? Care to share any ideas or suggest a few things you've actually done or perhaps, you've avoided doing? (smile)

Interested in

Other Thursday Thirteen Participants?

A FEW SAD SIGNS . . . OF THE TIMES . . .

Remember the bookstore (Brentano's) signings I had back in December, while I was home (Memphis) for the holidays? Well, a couple of weeks ago, the bookstore CLOSED! I was beyond shocked when I heard the news. A steady flow of customers is all I saw on the Tuesday and Saturday that I sat near the front of the store and signed copies of After The Dance. But obviously, that wasn't always the case. I'm particularly saddened by the closing because of its location in a mall (Oak Court) that I used to frequent. I've never known there not to be a bookstore in that particular spot in the mall and its hard for me to imagine anything besides a book vendor being there.

Not too long ago, I experienced a similar shock here in Charlotte, when a nearby restaurant (Good Old Days) that my family and I used to enjoy patronizing went out of business. I remember driving past there one Sunday and thinking it odd that there weren't more cars in their parking lot. While watching the news later that same evening, I discovered why the lot had been so barren--earlier in the day, the restaurant had closed their doors for good. Wow! Had I know it was coming, I would have made a point of eating there that Sunday. They had great service and some of the best hamburgers (smile).

Perhaps even more telling was what I heard with regards to a couple of friends who had the misfortune of having their homes broken into. To be clear, crime has long been off the chain in Memphis--robberies, car-jackings, break-ins and assaults of all kinds happen so often, if a series of such isn't being reported on the local news or discussed around the water cooler, folks tend to think something is wrong.

But I was truly shocked to learn that several folks in Memphis who've had their homes broken into recently have had their freezers and refrigerators emptied in the process. Yup, folks are stealing FOOD y'all. My first reaction was dag--up in somebody's house stealing their dagum tater tots and neckbones out the freezer?! How trifling can you get?! But then my next thought was, you know, you've got to be awfully doggone desperate and/or hungry to break into somebody's houes and bypass the tv and dvd player in order to steal their chicken wings and porkchops.

Yeah, I can only hope and pray that "the new day" gets here sooner rather than later.

What? It's 2009?! Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hey, I know I'm late (smile). I just wanted to let you all know I'm still around. I had a great time in Memphis. There's never enough time to see everyone or do everything. My apologies to those I didn't find time to call or visit. I'll catch you on my next run through town. Some of y'all I'm kicking to the curb in 2009 for not even making a half-a$$ attempt to say, "Hey," to a sister. You know who you are (LOL).

ANYWAY, as always, I enjoyed plenty of Memphis style barbecue and blues. I experienced a number of sad, funny and profound moments, some of which I hope to share in the coming days. Also, I've been assessing what worked well for me and what didn't work so well over the last year . . . not only as it pertains to writing and publishing, but relationships too.

I'm a big believer in the line of thought which suggests that if you keep doing the same dang thing and getting the same dang results, perhaps it's time to try a whole new approach (smile). So look for me to do a bit of stretching and house-cleaning in 2009. That's my only resolution for the new year. What about you?

Quotes That Make You Go, "Hmm . . . "

I'd like to thank one of my Old School Mix visitors and Goodreads Friends, Damika, for introducing me to the following quote by Quincy Jones:

"The tradgedy of Tupac is that his untimely passing is representative of too many young Black men in this country . . . If we had lost Oprah Winfrey at 25, we would have lost a relatively unknown, local market TV anchorwoman. If we had lost Malcolm X at 25, we would have lost a hustler named Detroit Red. And if I had left the world at 25, we would have lost a big-band trumpet player and aspiring composer--just a sliver of my eventual life potential" (Quincy Jones)

Doesn't that make you think? Not just about the lives of talented celebrities like Pac or Oprah, but ordinary folk, like yourself? We live in a society that appears to worship youth, money, popularity and little else and personally, I think that's unfortunate. Tupac was young, good-looking, popular, talented and doing better than most of us ever will financially, but we'll never know what else he could have been or accomplished. We'll never know his true potential or genius.

Isn't the same true for any us? Had you died at age 25 how might it have impacted the lives of the folks nearest and dearest to you? Moreover, what might you NOT have accomplished, seen to fruition or watched come to pass? What lessons or opportunities migh you have missed had you died at 25? Or for those one or two of you who have yet to reach that grand ole age (smile), what if your time had come at age 19?

A few of the things I would have missed had I breathed my last breath at age 25 include:

*not being able to see my still healthy, alert and funny grandfather live well into his '90s;

*being married to my college sweetheart for more years that I care to announce on this blog (smile)

*bringing another life into the world and watching him grow into the smart, handsome and vibrant young man that he is today;

*publishing my first newspaper article, my first magazine article, my first short story and my first novel;

*helping one of my oldest and dearest friends through the end of her 17 year marriage;

*accompanying my husband through the removal of a cyst from his brain;

*witnessing the joy and delight my parents take in being grandparents.

What about you? What sort of life enriching experiences might you have missed had you departed this world at 25? What gifts or talents might you have missed out on sharing with the rest of the world?

Birthdays . . . Who Has One On The Same Day As Yours?

While listening to the radio this morning, I learned that the following three individuals were all born on September 13: Tavis Smiley, Tyler Perry and Iyanla Vanzant. Interesting, huh? Well, it is to me, particularly because my father also celebrates a birthday on September 13 and he shares quite a few of the personality traits & quirks (both good & bad) of the three aformentioned celebrities (smile).

I have a birthday in September as well. No, not on the 13th, even though my Mom says she was hoping to have me on that day, if only so she could give me to my Dad as a gift he wouldn't soon forget. But I guess the Muse-Maker had a slightly different plan because my entry into the land of the living didn't come until 10 days later, on September 23rd.

I'm honored to share a birthday with none other than John Coltrane. As I've mentioned, more than once in the OSM, thanks to my Dad, I grew up listening to 'Trane's music. Long before I knew we shared a birthday, I had an interest in him and his work. Based on what I've read, I'd dare say Mr. Coltrane and I have a number of things in common--though, none of which, besides our love for music, I'm fixing to share here with you today (LOL).

But what about you? Do you share a birthday with someone well-known, whether famous or infamous? If so, do you think you have anything in common with that person? Do tell.

THE HISTORY LESSON . . . (More On Name-Calling) . . .

Back in high school, I had a favorite teacher, who, with his big grin, jerky movements and small, wiry frame, reminded me of a cricket--Jiminy Cricket to be precise. He was a older fellow whose wisdom and intellect I'd accepted without question until the day he opened his mouth and spat out the words, "Those dirty Japs!"

The first time I heard him say it, I was stunned. I thought to myself, Surely, I must had misheard him. I didn't want to believe that my favorite teacher, a man whom I'd admired for his quick wit and keen sense of humor, not to mention his command of American history, had actually made such an offense comment.

But it was true. Again and again, while covering the U.S. involvement in WWII, one of my high school teachers used the terms "Japs" and "dirty Japs" in reference to the Japanese. And each time he uttered the words, I squirmed in my seat, made uncomfortable not only by his use of the ethnic slur, but by my own hesitancy when it came to voicing my objections.

Some memories stay with one always.

No, I'm not Japanese. I'm not even Asian. (Well, as far as I know *smile* According to the hubby, I do sorta kinda look Asian when I'm asleep). By self-definition, I am an African American of the female persuasion. But if it matters, and in this instance it did, there was a young woman of obvious Asian ancestry in that particular high school history class. I don't recall her name. She and I weren't friends or even acquaintances. The possibility exists that she was no more Japanese that was I, as does the possibility that she took no offense to our teacher's comments. But the fact remains that we were both young women of color, bound together in one sense by our vulnerable status as the only two visible minorities in a classroom full of young, White students, and bound together in another sense by our silence.

I can't help but think we should have said something, if only to one another. Why didn't we? Was it youth? Shyness? Fear? Ambivalence? Embarrasment? Or was it simply too far an emotional distance for either of us to cross. Twenty-plus years later, I still don't know.

Looking back on the incident, I now find it both unnerving and somewhat ironic that the teacher in questin reminded me of a cricket. The truth is, I have a fear of crickets, a fear that involves my not knowing where the little critters are bound to jump next.

And indeed, it is a small jump from Jap to nigger/from faggot to coon/ from spic to jigaboo/

If I, as an African American, wait until the slur turns from slanty-eye bastard to big-lipped baboon, then have I not, in fact, waited too late? Of course, I have. I think even way back then, I somehow sensed it was so.

"In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't Communists. Then they came for the Jews and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics and I didn't speak up because I was Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up for me."

(Rev. Martin Niemoller, 1892-1984)

"If they take you in the morning, they will be coming for us that night."

(James Baldwin, 1924-1987)

And for those who still don't get it, the "History Lesson" here is--just as there is no safety in silence, there is no safety in drawing the lines of intervention around our own ethnic, racial, sexual or religious identities.

(Written while listening to Erykah Badu's "Honey," "The Healer" and "Master Teacher" from the CD entitled New Amerykah: Part One (4th World War). Check the refrain from "Master Teacher":

"What if there was no niggas only master teachers?

I stay woke . . ."

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY . . . TO ALL OF THE DADDIES IN MY LIFE . . .

My Daddy

Lori & Father

From Lori's Picture Collection

My Granddaddy

Granddaddy & Baby Boy

From Lori's Picture Collection

And My Baby's Daddy

From Lori's Picture Collection From Lori's Picture Collection

From Lori's Picture Collection

I Love You All!!!

TODAY'S CULTURE OF CELEBRITY . . . AND ALL THAT CRAP . . .

"I've always thought there are two kinds of celebrities. There are people who really want to be celebrities. There are other people who want to be good at their craft. The ones who want to be famous are the ones who you hear about all the time. The ones who are studying and honing their craft have to do that out of the spotlight. You can't learn anything when you're out (in the spotlight) all the time."

Johnny Mathis (The Charlotte Observer, April 25, 2008)

Outside of the Old School Mix, I really didn't tell a lot of people about my recent television appearance. Make no mistake, I told those who didn't already know about the book (After The Dance) and shared with them all of the details about the two signings I had scheduled while in Memphis. But the TV and radio stuff, I left to others, like my proud hubby who called up just about everybody and their mama's (LOL).

Those who know me well understand that I'm fully content being in the background. I have no real desire to be in front of the somebody's camera or even behind somebody's mike (my dream of being a DJ fizzled a long time ago). I'm more than willing to step aside and leave the place on the stage marked as "the center of attention" to the more spotlight hungry.

Ain't it funny how those things you enjoy the least, often seem hell-bent on chasing you down? When I worked at the public library in Memphis, seemed like somebody was always sticking a camera in my face: on one occasion, I had to do an impromptu TV promo for the library's Magazines/Newspapers department and on another, I had to do a televised spot for an African American film festival I'd helped coordinate.

Shortly after my son learned that I was going to be on television, he struck up a loud chant of, "Mama's gonna be famous! Mama's gonna be famous!" Every couple of hours, he'd break into another round and finally I asked him, "Are you still gonna love Ole Moms even if she isn't famous?" Of course, being a good son, who loves regular meals, clean clothes and on-call chauffering, his answer was a resounding, "Yes!" (LOL)

I suppose, among other things, the point I'm trying to make is, I love writing and certainly, I love it all the more when folks find what I write entertaining and enjoybable. But I've never had a desire to be thought of as famous or a celebrity. I've never set as my goal "getting rich" from my work. Now, I would love to see some of my work on the big screen, but the satisfaction I would derive from doing so doesn't necessarily have a dollar sign or a certain number of zeroes attached to it. Sorry, if that disappoints, but I'm just simple like that (pun intended *smile*).

A lot of what I despise about today's arts scene (whether literary, theatrical, musical or otherwise) is the whole "15 minutes of fame" and "everybody's entitled or dang well oughta wanna be a star" notion. Bump that. Rather than doing some of everything (whether legal or illegal; moral or immoral; outrageous or just outright dumb) in order to draw attention to themselves, I really wish more folks (both artists and non-artists) would follow the advice shared in the quote above. Obviously, it's worked well for the 72-year-old crooner, known as Johnny Mathis. He's been in the game for fifty-two years and he's still going strong. Not only does he still perform, he can still draw a decent size crowd.

Think about some of today's more popular singers, writes, musicians, actors and the like. Who, among them, will still have a viable career, be in their right minds or even drawing a breath in the land of the living ten to fifteen years from now? Of course, nothing's promised and anyone of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Moreover, a lot of today's youngsters wouldn't know Johnny M. or likely be at all impressed by him, even if he turned up butt-naked on their favorite reality show, but I'm just saying . . .

COLOR BLIND . . . or . . . COLOR STRUCK? (True Story) . . .

Back when I was a bright-eyed, twenty-some-year-old, college student and living in Memphis, I found myself frequenting a hair salon with a predominately-White clientele. The salon was one of those chains you typically find in a mall. Matter of fact, this one was located in what, at the time, was my favorite mall--the now demolished, though forever infamous (smile) Mall of Memphis.

Anyway, I was sporting a perm back then and I'd somehow lucked up on a fella at this particular salon who could give me that hot, poofed-out look all the PYT's were sporting in the '80s. So one day, I'm there sitting under the dryer (possibly getting a conditioner, I can't recall) when the older White lady seated next to me strikes up a conversation.

No biggie right? Happens all the time in salons across America, I'm sure. But hold on, this one was a little bit different. This lady, bless her lil ole heart, starts in on how she loves my color.

"Oh my, I just absolutely love your color! I'd give anything to be able to tan like that."

With the salon music blaring (Duran, Duran, no doubt) in the background and the dryer humming on full blast, it takes me a few seconds to process the information and to realize, okay, wait, she thinks I'm . . .

I've barely finished the thought when she smiles ever so sweetly and asks, "So are you Greek? Jewish? Italian?"

Okay, granted, I'm a card-carrying member of the light-skinned tribe. I have a tendency to wash out in pictures and grow pale in the winter-time. And, sure, my perm-straightened head was tucked inside of a dryer. But I'm sorry, the nose is a dead-give away. Till this day, how anyone could ever mistake me for anything other than a person of African descent, truly boggles my mind.

In any case, I smile ever so sweetly back at her and say, "No ma'am, actually, I'm African American."

The sweet little old lady's smile disappears and for the remainder of our stints beneath our respective dryers, she doesn't utter so much as another word in my direction. Go figure (LOL).

(Written while listening to Aretha Franklin's "Rock Steady," "I Say A Little Prayer," and "Think.")

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #6 . . . 13 OF LIFE'S MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS . . .

1) When you realize "C" students really do rule the world.

2) When you discover ministers, priests, pastors and the like, are capable of lying, cheating, stealing, committing adultry, beating their wives, preying on children and other immoral acts.

3) When you accidently see your grandmama topless.

4) When you realize you and everyone you love will one day die.

5) When you discover liars and cheaters can and often do win.

6) When you realize evil is real and often lives a long time in the world.

7) When you discover life isn't really fair.

8) When it dawns on you that your parents do "it" or if they're older have the nerve to still be doing "it."

9) When you discover, not only do you not know most of the answers, you don't even know half of the questions.

10) When you realize a lot of people mistakenly believe they can actually sing or rap or dance or act or properly raise a kid or lead you to the promised land or ( ______ ) fill in the blank.

11) When you realize the life you dreamt in your youth, will most likely never happen.

12) When it dawns on you that this baby really does have to come out of you some kind of way.

13) When you discover that the words "one nation, under God, indivisible and with liberty and justice for all" are more of a wishful thought than an actual reality.

Any others you want to add? Be my guest. Just remember, this isn't HBO or Cinemax or any of those late night, boot-leg cable tv programs . . . so please, try to keep your "shocking moment" comments PG13 (smile).

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants