The Latest Entertainment Nonsense . . . In The News . . .

Chris Brown vs. Rihanna

Last night it was reported that Chris Brown was being pursued for questioning about an alleged assault against an unidentified woman. Rumor has it that the woman in question is his girlfriend, Rihanna.

My first thought when I heard this was, Dag, Ole Boy obviously skipped the chapter in the Thug Handbook that advises against striking Light-Skinned women (ditto White women) upside the head. Sheesh, y'all know we bruise easily! Being a member of the Light-Skinned tribe himself, you'd think Mr. Brown would already know this.

All joking aside, hopefully this will serve as a lesson to young Chris that striking a woman, any woman isn't a route he wants to take, unless he's looking to emulate the careers of folks Ike Turner or OJ, both of whom could have readily advised him about the Thug Handbook's Light-Skinned/White woman beat-down rules . . .

Michael Phelps vs. The Richland County South Carolina Sheriff

Okay, so a picture materalizes of Mr. Phelps taking a hit off a bong and now the sheriff in Richland County, South Carolina where the incident allegedly took place wants to press charges. Yeah, right. I mean seriously, I could see if the boy got caught sucking on a crack pipe or snorting something up his nose, shooting something into his veins or standing on a corner dealing. But this just seems pretty doggone trivial to me.

If South Carolina is anything like North Carolina (where I currently reside), then drunk driving is pretty much a daily local news item. I don't know if it's that whole Dukes of Hazard NASCAR mentality or what. But every other day it seems, some drunk fool is driving down the wrong side of the road, crashing into trees, rolling down embankments or worse yet, causing accidents that result in serious injury or death to other drivers, passengers and or pedestrians.

If law enforcement officials in the Carolinas are looking to crack down on drug use and abuse, why not start with all of these speeding drunk a$$ drivers who get these laughably light sentences? In any case, I'm pretty sure the good citizens of Richland County have bigger issues in need of addressing, say like Umemployment. Poverty. Racism. Real Crime.

It's also rather interesting how your average citizen or celebrity can be charged with a crime on the basis of a photo, but you can have twenty minutes worth of video footage of a cop beating the hell out of somebody and somehow, that's not enough proof for conviction. Anyway . . .

The Octuplets Mom (Nadya Sulema) vs Anybody With A Sound Mind

Okay, from the looks of things, homegirl has some serious issues. When I heard that she'd received disability compensation after being injured in a riot that took place in psychiatric facility, my first thought was Well, that explains everything. During the riot she obviously hit her head on something . . .

As I watched an excerpt from the interview she did with Ann Curry, I said to my husband, "In addition to being coo-coo for Coco Puffs, I think homegirl has had a wee bit too much plastic surgery." Really, something about her nose and her lips just didn't seem right. She looked like a mangled cross between Lil Kim, Michael Jackson and some sort of feral feline, the latter of which might account for her incomprehensible desire to give birth to a litter. Sure enough, since my first sighting of Ms. Suleman others have suggested she's gone under the knife a time or two and may possibly be suffering from some sort of Angelia Jolie complex.

Etta James vs Beyonce

You know, I really can't blame Ms. James for being upset about not receiving an invitation to sing "her song" at the inauguration. I'm sure she felt like she'd been overlooked, yet again. But her rant against Beyonce was a bit much.

No disrespect intended, but while listening to Ms. James' spiel, I couldn't help but think about those women I'd sometimes see in those dark, smoky cafes one of my grandmothers used to work in. I'm talking about those women who'd be sitting and nodding at a table by themselves, with a crooked wig on their heads, a cigarette in their mouths and a half-empy forty on the table in front of them. Some of the stuff that came out of their mouths would bring tears to your eyes (smile).

TODAY'S CULTURE OF CELEBRITY . . . AND ALL THAT CRAP . . .

"I've always thought there are two kinds of celebrities. There are people who really want to be celebrities. There are other people who want to be good at their craft. The ones who want to be famous are the ones who you hear about all the time. The ones who are studying and honing their craft have to do that out of the spotlight. You can't learn anything when you're out (in the spotlight) all the time."

Johnny Mathis (The Charlotte Observer, April 25, 2008)

Outside of the Old School Mix, I really didn't tell a lot of people about my recent television appearance. Make no mistake, I told those who didn't already know about the book (After The Dance) and shared with them all of the details about the two signings I had scheduled while in Memphis. But the TV and radio stuff, I left to others, like my proud hubby who called up just about everybody and their mama's (LOL).

Those who know me well understand that I'm fully content being in the background. I have no real desire to be in front of the somebody's camera or even behind somebody's mike (my dream of being a DJ fizzled a long time ago). I'm more than willing to step aside and leave the place on the stage marked as "the center of attention" to the more spotlight hungry.

Ain't it funny how those things you enjoy the least, often seem hell-bent on chasing you down? When I worked at the public library in Memphis, seemed like somebody was always sticking a camera in my face: on one occasion, I had to do an impromptu TV promo for the library's Magazines/Newspapers department and on another, I had to do a televised spot for an African American film festival I'd helped coordinate.

Shortly after my son learned that I was going to be on television, he struck up a loud chant of, "Mama's gonna be famous! Mama's gonna be famous!" Every couple of hours, he'd break into another round and finally I asked him, "Are you still gonna love Ole Moms even if she isn't famous?" Of course, being a good son, who loves regular meals, clean clothes and on-call chauffering, his answer was a resounding, "Yes!" (LOL)

I suppose, among other things, the point I'm trying to make is, I love writing and certainly, I love it all the more when folks find what I write entertaining and enjoybable. But I've never had a desire to be thought of as famous or a celebrity. I've never set as my goal "getting rich" from my work. Now, I would love to see some of my work on the big screen, but the satisfaction I would derive from doing so doesn't necessarily have a dollar sign or a certain number of zeroes attached to it. Sorry, if that disappoints, but I'm just simple like that (pun intended *smile*).

A lot of what I despise about today's arts scene (whether literary, theatrical, musical or otherwise) is the whole "15 minutes of fame" and "everybody's entitled or dang well oughta wanna be a star" notion. Bump that. Rather than doing some of everything (whether legal or illegal; moral or immoral; outrageous or just outright dumb) in order to draw attention to themselves, I really wish more folks (both artists and non-artists) would follow the advice shared in the quote above. Obviously, it's worked well for the 72-year-old crooner, known as Johnny Mathis. He's been in the game for fifty-two years and he's still going strong. Not only does he still perform, he can still draw a decent size crowd.

Think about some of today's more popular singers, writes, musicians, actors and the like. Who, among them, will still have a viable career, be in their right minds or even drawing a breath in the land of the living ten to fifteen years from now? Of course, nothing's promised and anyone of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Moreover, a lot of today's youngsters wouldn't know Johnny M. or likely be at all impressed by him, even if he turned up butt-naked on their favorite reality show, but I'm just saying . . .

MORE EVERYDAY MUSINGS . . . OLD SCHOOL STYLE . . .

1) Has anyone, besides me, noticed that Michael Vick bears an uncanny resemblance to that bad dog named "King" that at least one neighbor kept chained up in the yard back in the day?

2) Am I the only one who thinks Flava Flav, Lil Wayne, Tommy Lee and Britney Spears all look like they could benefit from a good scrub down with some of Granny's lye soap? (Granny of "The Beverly Hillbillies" for all you youngsters out there who are scratching your heads and saying who?)

3) Am I the only one who's never seen Lindsey Lohan in anything--besides a news blurb or a clip from a tv tabloid?

4) Does anyone, besides me, wish the media would just let folks like Anna Nicole, Elvis, Tupac, Biggie and Princess Diana rest in peace?

5) Am I the only one who's noticed that men who use the word "sexy" in a song, are generally anything BUT that? (Think about it. Rod Stewart: "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" Ah, that would be a NO! Right Said Fred: "I'm Too Sexy" Yeah, in some alternate world, perhaps. Baby Face: "Grown & Sexy" Well, he got the grown part right. And for anyone who dares say Justin Timberlake: "Sexy Back"--NO, I'M AFRAID NOT . . . First of all, Cute and Sexy are two entirely different things . . . )

6) Has anyone, besides me, caught themselves singing (or humming) along with the "Viva Viagra" commercial? Uh-uh, don't lie. (Ugh, I can't get that durn song out of my head!)

7) Does anyone, besides me, get the feeling that R. Kelly's alleged victim is gonna hit menopause before the case against Kelly ever goes to trial? Dag, the man is still touring, making records, releasing even more bad videos and everything. (All kidding aside, last I heard the poor girl in this case was getting ready to have a baby ).

8) Has anyone, besides me, ever wondered why the folks hired by shows like Entertainment Tonight and America's Next Top Model to critique women's hairstyles and fashion choices are mainly men? . . . (I'm saying, men, who, themselves, typically look like oversized trolls?)

9) Has anyone, besides me, ever wondered who Sweet Pea's real daddy is? (Yes, I am talking Sweet Pea of "PopEye" cartoon fame). Wouldn't you love to see that bad episode of Maury? But rather than the most obvious suspects (PopEye or Brutus), wouldn't it be funny if Olive Oly's real baby daddy turned out to be none-other-than that ole hamburger begging "Wimpy" or even worse . . . PopEye's old lecherous daddy--"Poopdeck Pappy?"

10) Am I the only one who's noticed that people who ask, solicit and/or outright beg for your opinion . . . really and truly only want your agreement and/or affirmation (*smile*)

Yeah, I know . . . on most of those, I'm probably the only one. But if you do have any comments and/or additions, be my guest . . .

POP CULTURE MUSINGS . . . OLD SCHOOL MIX STYLE . . .

1) Am I the only one who agrees with J. Anthony Brown (of Tom Joyner fame) that most of today's young, female R & B singers sound (and often look) like roosters on crack?

2) Am I the only one who finds it ironic (if not highly questionable and wrong) that the only two couples on Grey's Anatomy who are NEVER seen getting any play are the two, married African American couples?

3) Does anyone besides me ever wonder why there aren't more brothers (African Amercian males), who can actually sing (like a Reuben Studdard) making it into the early (much less the final) rounds of American Idol?

4) Is anyone besides me cheering the August 7th release of Soul Food - The Second Season on dvd! Dag, it's about time . . .

5) Am I the only one who thinks both R. Kelly and Avant look like they ought to be wearing some really thick a$$ prescription glasses?

6) Am I the only one who prays the Queen of Soul (Aretha) never suffers a Janet Jackson-like wardrobe malfunction?

7) Does anyone besides me think the rapper T.I. puts you in mind of a light-skinned Rakim (from Eric B. and Rakim fame)?

8) Does anyone besides me think Prince has gotten prettier (better looking) with age?

9) Am I the only one who wonders what Al Sharpton, Verdine White, Nick Simpson, Michael Jackson and his royal badness, Prince, would look like without a perm?

10) Am I the only one who has found herself being threatened with bodily harm (and by a relative, no less) when I merely pointed out that quite often when Mary J. sings live, she sounds flat and off key?

11) Does anyone besides me pray that Lauryn Hill gets it together and comes back out strong?

12) Does anyone besides me think "blue-eyed" R & B singers from back in the day like Tina Marie, Jon B., Lisa Stansfield and hell, even Boz Scaggs and the Hall & Oates sounded way more soulful and authentic than folks like Joss S., Justin T. and Amy W.? I mean, come on now, I'm just saying . . .

Anyway . . . what do you think? (smile)

OLD SCHOOL TV . . . BC (Before Cable)

I don't think I've ever tried to hide the fact that I am, indeed, "old school." I'm saying, if the title of the blog--Lori's Old School Mix--isn't a hint, I don't know what is (LOL). But for those of y'all who might get it twisted, NO, I'm not quite as old as most of those in the Tom Joyner set . . . no disrespect intended, mind you, 'cause as my 90 year old granddaddy is apt to say, "You'd better hope you LIVE to GET old" (smile).

So, anyway, yeah, I was born in the 60's and attended college during the 80's (no exact dates 'cause ain't no need of telling y'all all my business). And yes, at a certain point, back when I was coming up, there were only 4 TV stations/channels/options (ABC, NBC, CBS & PBS). And yes, I can still remember when rather than stay on (and spew drivel) 24/7, the television went off the air late at night. I can also remember when my folks first got cable. Don't know how long it had been around, but we didn't get the hook up until I was in the 9th or 10th grade.

While I believe all of the above may very well play into my lack of a real, hardcore TV habit, I think an even bigger influence was the fact that I spent part of the 6th grade and all of the 7th and 8th grades, living in Wiesbaden Germany. For those who don't know, I grew up an Air Force brat who got shuffled back and forth between the places where my Dad ended up getting stationed and the place we all still call home, Memphis, TN.

The only TV we saw while living in Germany came by way of what I believe was called "Armed Forces Television." We had all of ONE channel that didn't come on the air until late in the afternoons or early evenings and when it did, only broadcast RERUNS . . . reruns that were umpteen years old and many of them in black and white, no less. So, being forced to live in a situation like that, as a kid you learn to fill in the time with other things like magazines, books, music, your imagination, actual conversations and interactions with parents, siblings, friends and peers, you know, all those things that are now considered so dull and passe (smile).

Of course, German television was also available, but if you didn't speak the language, there wasn't much point. The Germans did show a few American reruns and I can recall, on a couple of occasions trying to watch Little House On The Prairie, dubbed in German--not that I was particularly a fan of the English version of the series. But you know, when you're bored and your options are limited, you're willing to give just about anything a try.

At the time, the Germans were also a bit less prudish about nudity than folks in the US and it wasn't unsual to turn to one of their channels and see folks in a state of, well, undress. Not sure if my Mama knew about that peculiar little feature (smile). But hey, I was a kid and it was something I discovered quite by accident . . . and was smart enough to keep to myself.

ALL OF THE POPULAR TV SHOWS . . . I'VE NEVER WATCHED

I'm probably one of the few who wasn't too terribly miffed by the way the HBO series "The Sopranos" ended. But I'm also probably one of the few with a television, cable and working electricity who never watched a single episode of the series. It wasn't anything personal or even a matter of taste, I just never carved out the time required to watch an entire epioside and as a result find myself hooked.

In general, I'm not big fan of television. Given a choice I'd rather see a movie, go to a play, listen to some music, read a good book, talk on the phone, work on a writing project . . . okay, do just about anything other than plop down in front of the tube with remote in hand. Perhaps, in another post I'll delve into the reasons behind my lack of a TV habit.

The end of "The Sopranos" prompted me to think about the number of other popular television shows I've never watched as well as those I currently and consistently opt to take a pass on when I do sit down and snuggle up with the remote.

Some of the more popular shows (both old & new) I've never watched an entire episode of include:

1) CSI (nope, none of them)

2) The Flava of Love (after tuning in for a few minutes I realized that I gag too easily to ever be a fan of this show)

3) Miami Vice

4) Dallas (still don't know who shot JR and don't really care)

5) Beverly Hills 90210 (rich kids with problems have never interested me)

6) Frasier (sorry, I wasn't big on Cheers either)

7) Everybody Loves Raymond (except for me, I guess)

8) Judging Amy (just never made time to watch it)

9) Murphy Brown

10) Hill Street Blues

11) ER (don't like blood or hospitals)

12) Friends

13) The Fresh Prince (Will Smith's goofiness has always been a turn off)

14) Wayan Brothers (again, the goofiness factor turned me off)

15) Lost (Actually, I saw part of an episode and enjoyed it. But the 2nd time I tried to watch, I give-up midway through. I was too lost to enjoy it.)

16) Star Trek (Never watched any of the "new" ones. Of course, I enjoyed the original back in the day.)

17) Dukes of Hazzard (oh, please)

18) WKRP In Cincinnati

19) Cagney & Lacey

20) Family Matters

21) The Jamie Foxx Show

Oh no, this is hardly the half of them. These are just among the first to come to mind. I doubt if too many folks have a list quite as extensive as my own, but I'm sure there is something on the boob-tube that everybody and their mama seems to rave over, but thus far you've managed to avoid. If you feel like sharing your pics, or commenting on my list of "never watched" shows, be my guest.

POLE DANCING MUSIC . . . AN OLD SCHOOL MIX TOP TEN LIST

Really, I hadn't intended for this to be my next post. But my funny-bone was so tickled by the article on "pole dancing" I ran across in Friday's Charlotte Observer, I couldn't resist.

According to the piece, "pole dancing" long a past-time of the exotic dancer and stripper set, is the newest exercise craze. One of the instructors at a fitness club called "B-Risque" claims many of the women who come to her for instruction in "pole-ercise" are housewives and teachers. She also said a lot of church folk show up wanting to learn how to work the pole (LOL).

After I stopped laughing, I shared the article with the hubby only to have him say, "Girl, we need to think about getting us one of those poles . . . " I said, "Yeah right, that's all we need, one of us getting up in the middle of the night, walking straight into some doggone pole and knocking ourselves out. How'd we explain that one to the paramedics, much less our folks?"

Anyway, alongside the article ran a sidebar containing a list of the Top 10 Pole Dancing Songs. On the list were the following: 1) Erotica: Madonna; (2) Hollaback Girl: Gwen Stafani; (3) Temperature: Sean Paul; (4) Ain't No Other Man: Christina Aguilera; (5) Check On It: Beyonce; (6) I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper) T-Pain; (7) Promiscuous: Nelly Furtado; (8) SexyBack: Justin Timberlake; (9) London Bridge: Fergie; (10) Buttons: Pussycat Dolls

I'm sure it goes without saying that even if I were trying to work a pole (uh, don't worry Mom, I'm not) I wouldn't be trying to do it to any of that whack mess. Of course, then I started wondering what an "old school" list of music to work a pole by would look like and I came up with the following:

The Old School Mix Top 10 Pole Dancing Tunes

1) Push It (Salt N Pepa)

2) Da Butt (E.U.)

3) Nasty Girl (Vanity Six)

4) Lady Marmalade (Labelle)

5) Love To Love You Baby (Donna Summers)

6) Giving Him Something He Can Feel (Aretha Franklin)

7)Do Me Baby (Prince)

8) Cold-Blooded (Rick James)

9) Housecall (Your Body Can't Lie To Me) (Maxi Priest & Shabba Ranks)

10) The Over Weight Lover's In The House (Heavy D & Da Boys)

Hey, now that's a list beffiting of an ole girl who's still got enough fire left in her to wanna work a pole . . . and no Mom, in case you're wondering, that would NOT be me (LOL)!

If you'd like to make an addition or two to the list, hit me up in the comments section.

AKON . . . PRINCE . . . AND THE CONCEPT OF RESPONSIBILITY . . .

I caught an interview with Prince on BETJ last week. At one point, the interviewer told Prince how much he enjoyed the song, "Dirty Mind." He asked if Prince would be performing the song in his up coming tour or any of the other risque material for which he's known.

Prince smiled and asked the interviewer what he thought Prince should do. The guy said, in so many words, "Hey, go for it." Prince said, "Well what should I do about the 14 year old who's sitting in the front row?

The interviewer said, "Well, you never thought about the 14 year old back in the 80's . . ." To which Prince responded, "No, back then, there were no 14 year olds seated in the front row. Besides, I'd like to think that I've grown and I'm more responsible than I was back then . . ."

Responsibility? Wow, what an interesting coincidence. Not only did my last post on "The Death Of Hip Hop" address the topic of artistic and collective responsibility, the post was written in the hours prior to my viewing of the Prince interview.

So what does any of this have to do with the singer Akon? Well, there is that picture of him and the alleged 14 year old girl currently making the internet rounds. You know, the one with him on stage on his back and babygirl sitting atop his thighs? Yeah, even if you haven't seen it, you get the picture, I'm sure.

Anyway, I've heard all of the excuses. How was he supposed to know how old she was? Her little fast tail didn't have any business there in the first place. Did you see how she was dressed? And where were her parents?

Spare me, please. After all is said and done, she's still 14 years old (allegedly) and at age 34 (I believe) Akon is still a grown azz man. Perhaps one good place to start would be not pulling anyone up on stage for the purpose of simulating sex. Since when is strip club behavior appropriate for a concert? I guess around about the time we all decided any and everything goes, huh? I'm pretty sure, at this rate and given the direction things are going, actual sex on stage will be next. And after that, what? Publicly relieving oneself on folks' children? Oh, I'm sorry I guess R. Kelley already did that . . . allegedly (smile).

Prince, His Royal Badness personified, is right. Back in the 80's, I had the pleasure of attending a couple of his concerts and I can personally vouch for what he said about 14 year olds not sitting up front row center of his shows. They weren't. They shouldn't be at Akon's either--not front row center (under the circumstances) and most certainly not up stage straddling his 34 year old thighs. If we were all committed to being responsible, they wouldn't be.

But if we truly want this kind of foolishness to end, we can't just stop at blaming the parents, much less the child. And at age 14, I don't care how she's dressed, she's still a child. It takes a village y'all. So stop co-signing this mess and act like you know.