Wednesday, August 29, 2007


It's all Malcolm's fault (smile). Not only did he get me hooked on this Thursday Thirteen meme business, earlier this week he added a poll to his blog (Pop Culture Dish). In the poll, he mentioned a kid (played by Billy Mumy) from one of my LEAST favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone. In the episode, the little kid named Anthony, a little monster in disguise, has the power to make people who tick him off disappear into the cornfield.

Argh! I couldn't stand that kid. In the process of thinking about just how much I absolutely abhorred him, I started thinking about some of the other TV kid characters who've worked my last nerve.

Granted, most of the shows on my list I've only watched in passing (either while channel surfing or because of my own child's appetite for bad television) but trust me, I saw more than enough . . . Anyway, here's the list:

1) Anthony Fremont (That was the fictional name of the evil spawn from the Twilight Zone who made people disappear into the cornfield.)

2) Kenan and Kel of the Kenan and Kel Show (Okay, watching these two goof-balls was sort of like watching a Black version of Larry and Curly, minus Moe. And for the record, I hated the original 3 Stooges.)

3) Steve Urkel from Family Matters (Talk about an insult to smart, Black kids everywhere (smile). But to be fair, besides Laura, most of the characters on this show came off as big doofuses.)

4) Michelle from Full House (Something about the Olsen twins has always given me the hee-bee jee-bees. Seriously, when they were babies they kind of reminded me of a pair of muppets or ventriloquist dummies or something . . . )

5) Lil Earl from What's Happening (The hubby has threatened to put me out if I include Lil Earl's name on the list. Well, I guess I'll be sitting on the curb tonight y'all (LOL). One clue that a show is about to get the ax is when they add some cute, but annoying little kid to the cast. Sorry Sweetie, Lil Earl seriously bugged the heck out of me.

6) Raven, Corey and Eddie from That's So Raven (My son is mad at me about this one (smile). Not that I care. I still say, rather than a show, all three of these jokers should be doing commercial spots for either Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.)

7) J.J from Good Times (This one is sort of a no-brainer, isn't it? Yeah, let's just keep it moving . . . )

8) Tia and Tamera from Sister, Sister (I'm not sure what it was about them. But even today when I see them, I get that awful sensation that generally accompanies the dragging of fingernails across a chalk board . . . shudder)

9) All of the kids from Happy Days (I hated this show. Still do. Mainly because, back when I was a teen, the 3 kids I babysat for during the summers used to make me watch the re-runs with them every doggone day. I have no doubt that being forced to watch this show is some awful level of Dante's Hell.)

10) All of the kids from Barney (Come on y'all. Weren't most of the kids on this show too durn old to be dancing, skipping, singing goofy songs and holding hands with the likes of Barney?)

11) Buffy and Mrs. Beasley from Family Affair (Yes, technically, Mrs. Beasley was a doll. But it's hard for me to imagine one without the other. I'm pretty sure there were days when it took everything in Mr. French not to lock the both of them up in the closet somewhere.)

12) Junior from My Wife and Kids (Talk about a punkin head. *For those who don't know or are simply in denial, "punkin" is Southern Ebonics for pumpkin* Yeah, so, anyway, they made this kid's character so slow, he really should have been hanging out with those big, goofy kids on Barney . . . and wearing a protective football helmet so he wouldn't hurt his fool self.)

13) Greg, Marsha and Jan from The Brady Bunch (Y'all know in the real world, Greg would have grown up to be the office suck-up, Marsha would have ended up being somebody's Stepford wife and poor Jan would have either wound up as some demented serial killer or else a horribly confused astronaut . . . you know, like the type who at some point decides to embark upon a road trip armed with a can of mace and a big bag of of Depends . . .)

So tell me, who did I miss? Which TV kid makes you wanna go all "Homie the Clown" (from the show In Living Color) and just bop 'em upside the head, one good time? I love kids. Really, I do . . . just not the ones on TV.


Michelle Davis Petelinz said...

Great list, Lori! Big LOLs throughout. From very recent TV, I could not stand any of the kids on that poor excuse for a game show: Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. I'm sure the producers made them exaggerate, but each kid was in dire need of a swift kick (figurative, of course!), or a Black mother "look" for their obnoxious behavior, in my opinion. Happy TT!

Malcolm: said...

Ah, come on... you can't show any love for the Three Stooges?! :)

Steve Urkel was funny at first, but the show definitely overused him. Remember the last few years when it was obvious that Jaleel White's voice had changed and he was still trying to talk in that geeky whine?

Good call about those overgrown kids on Barney. I remember seeing the TV ads for one of his records and wondering, "why are these big ass kids dancing with that purple dinosaur?"

As for my annoying kid, I am going to step a little out of the box and vote for Scrappy Doo. IMO, one of the most annoying characters (live or animated) in TV history. I have yet to find anyone who actually liked him.

Sharon J. said...

I don't know what the appeal is with the Olsen Twins either. I don't dislike the kids on the Ray Romano Show, I just don't know why they were casted for the show. I thought the show was about an Italian family. Apparently, they must have adopted some blond-haired kids from Sweden, because I don't know how they wound up in that family. Why didn't they pick kids who looked like Romano and his t.v. wife, Patricia Heaton.

Lori said...

I thought about watching that show. But since I already live with an obnoxious 5th grader . . . Well, I'm glad I passed.

Ah, okay, Scrappy-Do is a cartoon and a dog . . . Well, it is a thought. 13 Cartoon TV Animals I Love To Hate . . . hmm, that just might work (smile).

Good point! Funny too!

Emanuel Carpenter said...

I'm posting this before I read the comments in case there are duplicates. I've got an 11-year old and a one-year old so I drown in Disney, Nick, Noggin, and PBS daily. I've got a few. BTW, ditto
on the Olsen twins looking like muppets and the chunky butts on Raven's show.

Daniel Cook from educational TV's show "This is Daniel Cook." The annoying little kid never shuts up
long enough for the adults to teach his little know-it-all self something.

The Gooch-If I remember correctly, he used to always beat up Arnold on Different Strokes. Why didn't Willis come and beat the crap out of the little bully?

Webster-It's bad enough Emmanuel Lewis has my first name when they're aren't many famous Emanuels in the world. "Webster" was just a horrible show. Plus he called his adoptive mother Ma'am like some kind of servant.

Hillary Duff-If she would stick to acting she's be okay but her singing reminds me of when my car brakes go metal on metal. (Many other kid stars fit this category.)

Lori said...

Hey Emanuel,
Thanks for the list. I almost listed "Arnold" from "Different Strokes." But in thinking about it . . . actually it was the real-life "character" Gary Coleman who got on my nerves(smile). I must have stopped watching by the time "The Gooch" showed up on the scene. Can't say that I remember him.

Wow, a one-year old?! Poor fella . . . You've got years of bad television ahead of you (smile).

Ehav Ever said...

In terms of the Barney Kids. There was a show called The Critic and they did a joke about that. A guy fell from the ceiling and landed on Barney. All of the kids stood there for a second looking in shock. They then ran out the door yelling, We're free! We're free! Now we don't have to sing those stupid songs anymore!

I always felt that the Barney Kids were way too happy, it was scary. I found them annoying, especially since if Barney wee a real dinosaur they would have been lunch.

Ehav Ever said...

Hey Malcolm,

I agree with you on Scrappy Doo. Truly annoying with all of his talk. There was a show called Harvey Birdman where at the end Scrappy showed up at the last minute saying his Puppy Power line and then he was snatched up and taken away by an eagle. Everyone, Scooby Doo included, then laughed about it.

Lori said...

Ehav E.,
I never saw "The Critic." But the show you described with Barney and the kids running out the door screaming, "We're free!" sounds pretty funny.

Yeah, Barney and those kids in his crew were pretty scary. I was glad when my son lost his fascination with the program and moved on to some of the other bad tv shows marketed to kids (smile).

Ehav Ever said...

Think of it this way Lori. It could be worse. You could be living in Japan where the children's shows either give the kids epileptic ceasures or are graphically violent or really sexual explicit.

When I was semi-younger I once passed out playing a Japanese video-game. The graphics were so intense, and I was trying to break a friend's loosing streak. Needless to say I never played that game again.

One thing that comes to mind. I had a friend who hated all action and suspense TV or movies with kids in them. The reasons were that the kid always seemed to get in the way. You can't do anything to the kid. She was really annoyed by these kids. It was funny.