Wednesday, November 14, 2007


1) The well-intentioned, but obviously clueless relative who insists on bringing the same nasty a$$ dish every year that nobody wants to eat.

2) The uncle who, instead of saying grace, delivers a ten-minute, mini-sermon.

3) The auntie who always smells like a right lethal combination of bourbon and Bengay.

4) The relative who insists on talking non-stop and in full detail about everybody's medical ailments, health issues, treatments and operations.

5) The greedy a$$ cousins who never bring anything, but eat like field hands and lumberjacks and take two and three foil-wrapped plates home.

6) The sticky-fingered relative you have to stop at the door and pat down and/or wand before he/she leaves.

7) The sticky-fingered relative's shifty-eyed friend, who you highly suspect may be casing your place and planning to come back later.

8) The dear old uncle who generally smells like a right rank combo of moldy, wet tobacco and burnt garlic.

9) The big-mouthed relative who, when he's not bragging about his exploits is telling the same lame, boring a$$ stories/lies he tells every year.

10) The kindly neighbor with the 25 house cats, dogs and/or rats who always wants to drop by with a homemade dish.

11) The sweet, little ole aunt who criticizes your every dish while steadily stuffing her face.

12) The bad a$$ kids or drunk male relatives who go into your bathroom and aim at everything, but the freaking commode.

13) The so-called good friend who only wants to come over so he/she can laugh at all of the fools in your crazy a$$ family.

Any comments or additions? If so, bring 'em on (smile)!

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Nicole Austin said...

LOL! Gotta love gatherings of family. I hope you have a good Thanksgiving holiday!

Happy TT!

Chelle Y. said...

I am so thankful that I do not have any of those in my family.

I hope your Thanksgiving is a happy one!

Tink said...

Haha, great list! We don't have Thanksgiving over here, but you made your point very clearly! ;-)
My TT lists 13 facts about the black panther.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I say cancel Thanksgiving. Just cancel it and go out. You just don't need this. You did make me laugh out loud though. Have a great TT. :)

Malcolm: said...

I can't think of any additions to your list... you covered it well. #s 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 12, and 13 made me laugh out loud. When I am at my sister's house for Thanksgiving next week, I'll be thinking of your list.

Crimson Wife said...

Too funny! Your #1 actually ties in to my #13 this week :-)

greatfullivin said...

Great list...I am still laughing. We must be related...LOL. Happy TT

Nicholas said...

Well, it doesn't sound as though things will be boring!

WorksForMom said...

Oh no, say it ain't so! I say cancel Thanksgiving! Oh the stress of the holidays. :(

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Yee haw. I'm NOT coming to you for Thanksgiving!!!

Maybe I'm grateful it'll be just the four of us and my parents this year!

Happy TT!

Janet said...

LOL at least you won't have a boring Thanksgiving!

Sandy Carlson said...

The critics and the crooks are bad enough, but the braggarts get me--the yoyos whose achievements, however small, are all they can bear to hear about.

Great list.

Lori said...

OK...that sounds just like my family!! lol....and AMEN, I agree. Happy TT. I always love your posts...they crack me up:)

*Rae* said...

OMG lol you must be talking about some of my family members lol I have to say thank goodness I no longer leave that close to have to deal with any of that a few of those describe my family lol Happy TT

Open Grove Claudia said...

But we're still invited, right? ;)

I love the a$$ing in your list! AND I can so relate. We usually do orphan Thanksgiving to avoid all of these people.


I wonder if we're related!

Wakela Runen said...

Glad I don't have Thanksgiving at your house. It sounds like it is packed full of loonies! LOL!

Our Thanksgivings are really quiet with very little family there. Thank goodness for that.

Morgan Leigh said...

Gotta love family. LOL, great TT! :)

Raggedy said...

Lock your doors!
Go out to eat!
Terrific Thursday Thirteen!
My TT is posted.
Have a wonderful day!
Happy TT'ing!
(")_ (")Š

Kate said...

I don't have Thanksgiving here but your list reminds me of a Christmas about 5 years ago when I got cornered by my boyfriend's Grandfather's girlfriend who told me lots about hunting in a strange French/German dialect!
Happy TT.

Emanuel Carpenter said...

Great list Lori. I've got 13 of my own you might be able to relate to:

1. Don’t complain about that rotten egg smell in the bathroom when I told you to let it air out for a good five to ten minutes before going up in there. Febreeze ain't got nothin' on me!

2. If you’re lactose intolerant, please go easy on Grandma’s Mac and cheese, for the sake of all of us.

3. Don’t ask to spend the night just so you can get first dibs on the leftovers.

4. There will be no eating, napping, and eating again. Get full, watch the game, and take your butt home.

5. Just because you turned 21 this year, don’t mean you have to prove you're grown by drinking up all my liquor.

6. When you pray over the meal, remember it’s for the nourishment of OUR bodies not just yours.

7. If the house is overcrowded, I won’t consider it rude if you eat and run.

8. Don’t say I hate to eat and run when you know you love to eat and run.

9. If the bedroom door is closed, it’s closed for a reason. Keep your nosey behind out.

10. There’s Thanksgiving food, and there’s my regular groceries. Don’t act like you didn’t know the difference when you raided my cupboards.

11. If you need a ride, don’t call at six when you know good and well dinner started at five.

12. There will be no take home plates made for able-bodied adults who chose not to come.

13. Don’t be counting my servings just because I need to lose a few. “Boy, ain’t that yo’ third slice of sweet potato pie?” It’s Thanksgiving. You’re supposed to pig out.

Anonymous said...

Can I come???

Happy TT!

Michelle Davis Petelinz said...

Another great TT list!
You left out the relatives who insist upon discussing politics despite everyone else trying to change the subject...

Happy TT!

Sharon said...

The Bengay-smelling relative...yes, yes, yes! lol.

Hope you have a great Thursday!

Sheila Wilcox said...

Do we all have the same friends & relatives? What a good laugh.

Jeannene said...

"I LOVE THIS LIST!!" TOO FUNNY...AND YOUR RIGHT ON! I am new at this whole 13 Thursday, so please come by!
Have a lovely day!!
xo Jeannene

Holly said...

Oh hooo - I love this! And thankfully I don't have any of these people coming over. Fun TT-13.



Diana said...

Too funny! Glad those people aren't in my family!!

pjazzypar said...

You crack me up! Number 10 especially. I remember one time I was visiting my paternal grandmother in Florida when the next door neighbor (the house with the roach wallpaper) brought over a dish for the holiday. I was looking like a deer caught in headlights wondering how to make this "dressing" disappear. Granny said don't worry I'll just feed it to the dog that belongs to the neighbor on the other side.

damozel said...

Wow, and I thought my family was a tricky one. Weirdly, now that I'm old and we're all scattered and will never see each other again, I kind of miss them all.

But I'm not sure I'd miss this particular set of relatives....

amanda rae said...

hahahhaha, nice list!

shelia said...

I know a #2, 5 & 9.

Sharon J. said...

Don't forget the drunk relative, who won't leave until all the alcohol is gone!

Keith said...

I got one: The crack head son of an old friend of the family that everyone feels sorry for so they make him a plate. Then he asks if he can take out the trash for thirty five cents!

I am so glad that my wife can cook - we are staying home this year! Happy Thanksgiving.

Harley39 said...

This is so accurate, did you sneak in on our Thanksgiving dinner last year? {LOL}