Just so you know, I didn't forget. But for those of you who don't recall, I said I'd share with you what changes I'd make in that last posted excerpt of New Growth, (Tuesday, October 10, 2006) had I to do it over again.
Well, for one, I'd probably divide the material into shorter pargraphs. Actually, I went ahead and took the liberty of doing so in one section of that particular excerpt. I think shorter paragraphs are a little less daunting for the average reader and a whole lot easier on the eyes.
The second thing I'd probably change would be Jackie Ann's Sunday Morning Dance routine. I don't know too many old school grandmothers (from the South in particular) who are going to put up with that kind of showing out on a Sunday morning. Jackie Ann most certainly WOULD NOT have been allowed to be all up in the living room getting her groove on to some loud secular beat. I'm not really sure how I could have rewritten the scene, but I'm thinking maybe I would had J.A. in her bedroom with the door closed and the music turned waaayy down (smile).
One of my undergrad English Comp professors once told me that you never really get finished with a piece. The more you search, the more likely you are to find something else that could a use a bit of tweaking or could have been written another way. But eventually you have to turn it loose and move on. The key, I suppose, is knowing when . . .
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2 comments:
My gut feeling - and it will be no surprise to you - I don't like seeing any changes to "New Growth"...but I'm willing to entertain ideas. O.K. I can see those changes. Now that you mention it, I do think that, actually, when *I'm* reading, I prefer shorter paragraphs. Couldn't really tell you why. And you are certainly right about the sanctity of the Sabbath when it comes to the southern elders. M'Deah would have popped J.A. on the back of the head at the 1st non-reverential note! There would be no contemplation of no deviation! ...and if you take the 1st 4 letters of deviation and add an "L"...that spells devil! Amen. PS: I could have added "New Growth" to my list of read and re-read. I bet some more folks will, too, before long. That's all. I'm not kissin' up. It's just what's real.
MR,
Thanks for the vote of confidence. But keep in mind, "change" is quite often a good thing . . . Lori D.
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