Friday, September 29, 2006

THE OSM'S TOP TEN LIST OF JACKED-UP 'FROS . . .

Before we review today's list, let me just say I got an email from my old friend JG wanting to know why I was HATING on Jermaine Jackson so tough (see the OSM's list of Enviable 'Fros). Hating on Jermaine? Please. Tell me this JG, what's up with you always taking up for those dogone Jacksons (LOL)? If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were one of Papa Joe's love children . . . Go on and 'fess up boy (smile).

Also, I need to add an honorable mention to the OSM's list of Enviable 'Fros. Comedian Steve Harvey always keeps his 'fro tight, doesn't he? Of course, something tells me he's doctoring his do with a heavy dose of dye, but still . . . it looks good on him (Yeah, okay I borrowed that last line from Bruce, Bruce).

Anyway, back to the business at hand. Like I mentioned before, this is all in good fun and in no particular order.

THE OSM'S TOP TEN LIST OF JACKED-UP 'FROS

1)LEROY "SUGARFOOT" BONNER (the original lead singer of the Ohio Players) I'm sorry, but he was the first somebody to come to mind when I thought up this list. Not sure why, but something about the way dude's 'fro cascaded over his eye, like a nappy triangular-shaped bang, has always seriously bugged me.

2) MAURICE WHITE (the original lead singer of Earth, Wind and Fire) Yeah, I can already hear my friend JG calling me a hater again (smile). But y'all know, back in the day, brother Maurcie (bless his heart) had durn near as much forehead as he did 'fro. Which only makes all the more peculiar the recent pics I've seen of him. Dude's hairline has actually moved forward a couple of inches since the 70's. Come on now. Who's Zoomin' Who? (Aretha Franklin 1985 ). Anyway, did you know that both Maurice and his equally hair challenged brother, Verdine, (also of EW&F fame) were from Memphis? Both were Booker T. Washington grads, if I'm not mistaken.

3) LIL STEVIE RAY (naw, y'all don't know him) Lil S. Ray appears on the list courtesy of my LeMoyne-Owen (the historically Black college located in Memphis) College days. Lil S. Ray was a little short dude, who I distinctly remember belting out a pretty decent version of EW&F's "Reasons" at one of LOC's talent shows. But the main reason I remember Lil Stevie is because his 'fro sat way back on hs head, just like Maurices's. Matter of fact, I'd dare say, his sat back a couple of inches further.

4) ROGER (from What's Happening!) I don't know if I even own the words to describe Raj's 'fro. I'm thinking his head was the reason why so many little boys got sent to the barbership every other Saturday with specific instructions to "get all that mess cut off."

5) FLORIDA (from Good Times) Y'all know had Willona been a real friend she would have hooked her girl Flo up with one of ther wigs . . . if not the name and number of a good beautician.

6) GEORGE JEFFERSON (from the Jeffersons) Just like the comb-over and the toupee, the hole in the 'fro look is a major fashion DON'T, unless, of course, you're goal is to look like a character as opposed to either cute or cool.

7) CORNEL WEST Now, I don't mean no harm . . . but every time I see brother Cornel's head, I get hit by an overwhelming urge to go dig up and dust off my old clippers (I cut my son's hair when he was a toddler). Actually, I think the professor's 'fro would go from jacked up to jazzy in no time with a regular shape up and trim.

8) MY COUSIN C. I almost didn't put Cuz on the list because he really was a good-looking brother. His being tall, dark and handsome, only made it all the more puzzling as to why he typically looked like he picked out his 'fro with a table fork and a butter knife.

9) BEN WLLACE (of the Detroit Pistons/Chicago Bulls fame) I must say, I do admire Ben's boldness and don't give a flip attitude. But that whole sticking straight up in the air, Buckwheat look, really doesn't become him. I'm thinking a round or two with somebody's hedge clippers and a weed whacker would suit him just fine.

10) ME (in high school) Hey, I call 'em like I see 'em (LOL). I'm pretty sure if my knuckle-headed brother is somewhere reading this, he's shouting, "Show 'em pictures! Show 'em pictures!" Nope, not gonna happen. I will go as far as to admit that even today, on occasion, I can still be caught sporting a right jacked up 'fro. All I can say is, cut a sister some slack. I'm working on it. All right?

Coming up next on the OSM's Top Ten Hair List? Brothers Who Need To Let The Perm Go . . . Y'all come back now, ya hear? ("Jed's Ballad" from The Beverly Hillbillies 1962-1971 )

2 comments:

Sharon J. said...

Don King gets my vote. I guess that's an afro. You would think that with all the money he's stolen from his boxing clients that he would be able to afford some Afro Sheen. I have to disagree that Esther Rolle's afro was hit. It didn't look bad with the nice gray patch in front.

Lori said...

Sharon J.,
You're right about Don King and his electric shock 'do. I'm not sure how I forgot about him. As far as Ester Rolle, well, I will concede that her hair looked better off the show (Good Times) than it did on. Thanks for adding your two cents and keeping me on my toes. Lori D.