Friday, October 20, 2006

THE OSM'S TOP TEN LIST OF BROTHERS WHO NEED TO LET THE PERM GO . . .

Before we get to today's list, let me just mention that a dear relative of mine (PM) called to tell me that like my friend Sharon J., she disagreed with my placement of Florida (Esther Rolle) on the OSM's Top Ten List Of Jacked-Up 'Fros. According to PM, Florida's 'fro wasn't the problem, it was rather those rolls of fat on her neck . . .

See, I'm not even trying to go there (LOL). I'm strictly talking HAIR, people, something that can be altered with a comb or a brush or the right hair stylist. I'm NOT talking about physical features/flaws that folks can't help and/or change without divine intervention or at least the services of a good plastic surgeon. Being that I could most certainly use a few nips and tucks, here and there, myself, I'm not about to go that route. And for the record, jacked up 'fro nonewithstanding, I've always thought Ms. Rolle was a fine actress who never got her proper due.

Anyway, let's move onto the topic of today's list--"Brothers Who Need To Let The Perm Go." Need I say, I'm not too big a fan of hot-combed and/or chemically induced curls, waves, pony-tails, locks and the like on those of the male persuasion. Hey, everyone is entitled to their own personal likes, dislikes and pet-peeves right? Excessive dippity do up on a man's head, just so happens to be one of mine. Okay? So, the following is my list. Again, it's in no particular order.

1) JERMAINE JACKSON Y'all know, I wasn't even thinking about Jermaine until my friend JG (who I really am starting to believe is one of Papa Joe's outside chillren) spoke up on the (or should I say HIS) brother's behalf in the OSM's TOP 10 List of ENVIABLE 'FROS. See what you started JG? (smile). Anyway, remember back when Jermaine was making the talk show rounds in his most admirable quest to defend his baby bro? Well, did anyone besides me notice just how jacked-up Jermaine's head was when he appeared on Larry King's show? I'm still not sure what he had going on up there. It looked it was part perm, part Jheri curl and part something something a big, fat, greased-up cat licked on, spit out and spun around in . . .

2) MICHAEL JACKSON I'd dare say this boy's head ain't seen a nap since OFF THE WALL (Michael Jackson, 1979). One of the truly sad things about MJ is, even if he let the perm grow out, he still wouldn't bear the slightest resemblance to the cute, brown-skinned little boy with the Negro nose he used to be . . .

3) MISS J. (from America's Top Model) Don't play. Y'all know you've seen Miss J swinging both his perm and his hips on America's Top Model. Of course, the politically correct thing for me to do would be just to give him a nod and a pass. But I'm sorry, somebody needs to tell Miss J that a dress simply does not become him . . . much less that doggone French Maid outfit, I had the misfortune of seeing him in while channel surfing a couple weeks ago. Can I get a big, "Hell to the naw?!"

4) PRINCE Those who know me well know that back in the day I had it bad for my boy Prince. Yes, I plastered his posters on my walls, bought his albums (remember those) and cds, went to all of his movies (even the bad ones) and even camped out all night once in hopes of scoring choice seats to one of his concerts. Even though His Royal Badness is well into his 40's now, he's still capable of putting on one heck of a show. But I'd give up a good portion of my purple-tinted memories to see dude's hair in it's God-given state of au naturelle.

5) VERDINE WHITE I'm guessing bad hair must run in this family (see Maurice White under The OSM's Top Ten List of Jacked Up 'Fros). Maybe with VW it's a Samson kind of thing. I'm saying, it just might be that if he cut his hair, laid off the black dye and missed a couple of touch-ups, he'd lose some of his musical magic. You think?

6) KAT WILLIAMS (the comedian) This brother's 'do actually bounces. Forgive me, but I can't help but pity the poor woman who finds herself waking up next to some joker who has his head done up in rollers and tied up in a doggone do rag.

7) REV. AL SHARPTON You'd think if he were really serious about being President, he'd give up his standing appointment at the beauty salon. Unfortunately until he does, he won't get so much as a sympathy vote from me.

8) JAMES BROWN I think JB's last mug shot pretty much said it all. I also can't help but wonder if that particular episode was Mrs. Brown's own personal version of "the big payback" ( James Brown, THE PAYBACK, 1973).

9) NICK ASHFORD Okay, I like Nick and I love me some Ashford and Simpson. But come on, is it me or does NA look like he conditions his hair with a case of vegetable oil or what?

10) ICE-TEA The only thing more annoying that a young pimp, is an old one sporting a doggone pony-tail. Let that mess go, IT. Let it go.

Okay, enough with the silliness. I guess I owe you all a serious post on the whole hair topic, huh? Well, at least a semi-serious one. I'll see what I can do. But as for JG . . . hey, don't start none and won't be none . . . LOL

2 comments:

PM said...

Hey! I said Florida's neck was too short...I didn't mention nothing about the rolls in her neck! But much love to you and yours. I know your husband; he makes up lyrics all the time. I agree with most of the selection of most of the brothers on this list except JB.
Love PM

Lori said...

PM,
Hey girl! Is it really you (smile)? All right now, I'm gonna have to start taping our conversations. I distinctively remember you saying "fat rolls."
But you are right about the hubby. He makes up/ messes up lyrics and a whole lot more. But I've been with him too long to think about trading him in (LOL). Much love right back at ya! Lori D.