Wednesday, March 12, 2008


No, this is not a post about osteoporosis. It is a post about bones . . . more specifically spines or, perhaps, I should say . . . the lack thereof.

I guess, I just don't get it--you know--the whole "publicly standing by my man" bit, particularly when said "man" has not only broken his marriage vows, but made a Zip-Dang-Fool of himself to boot.

Why after being duped by said Zip-Dang-Fool would any woman, owning so much as an ounce of self-respect left, turn around and let Zip D. Fool drag her before the public so He can apology for His transgressions? Yes, I am referring to women like Effie Barry, Suzanne Craig, Carlita Kilpatrick, Silda Spitzer and all of the others . . .

Okay, I do understand and respect folks going off privately to work on their marriage/relationship/issues and the like. I've been married a long time--long enough to have high school age kids, actually, even though I don't. I know it's all about compromise, learning to take the good with the bad and operating in a spirit of forgiveness. I'm not about to hate or cast aspersions on any woman or man who ultimately decides she/he wants to stay with Zippy, put the transgressions behind them and move forward. Tor err is human. Now, to make the dang same err over and over and over again, is, well, you know . . .

I'm just saying, after the dirt's been done, why parade the Mrs. out to hold Mr. Fool's hand, pat his back and stand by his side? For the career? Heck, seems to me Zip should have thought about that before he unzipped . . . For the children? Please. I think, in the long-run, children are better served by having a Mama with a back-bone.

Really, I just wish more of these ladies would just say, "No, I'm not going out there!" Tell ole boy, "Okay, we can work on our issues, but after having already abused me and my trust, I'm simply not going to let you use me in this fashion."

I'm sure there will be others, but if I could say anything to them it would be "Stop drinking the Kool-Aid! Really, it ain't nothing, but poison, the type of which will eat your soul, if you let it. Instead, why not go get yourself a big, tall glass of milk, put your big girl panties on and see if you can't sing a few bars of Beyonce's "To The Left?" I bet it would make you feel a whole lot better.

(Written while listening to Erykah Badu's "The Healer" "Master Teacher" "Honey" and Aretha's "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man" and "Respect."


Nerd Girl said...

Oh, I so agree. I think whatever decision these couples come to in the privacy of their homes should be respected - period.

How-so-never, I think that when you literally stand by someone, you are condoning their action. And that aint happening. Maybe political wives take some sort of oath the rest of us know nothing about . . .

pjazzypar said...

I beg to differ, standing by someone does not mean that you condone their behavior. For instance, if your child goes before the judge because they have broken the law, you will probably stand beside them while they are doled our their punishment although you do not condone their behavior.

We can never know what is going on behind the scenes. Some of these women probably already know about the affairs, hookers, etc. and the marriage is nothing more than a business enterprise for which she is paid handsomely to put up the facade of "standing by her man" when in actuality she is just fulfilling an agreed upon obligation. These women might not want to mess with their bottom line. Just a thought.

Lori said...

@Nerd Girl,
Hmm, a political wife oath? You may be onto something (smile). I agree that at a certain point and in situations like these--loyalty turns into complicity or at least gives the perception of such.

All points of view are welcome here (smile). Disagreement just makes for a more interesting conversation.

While I agree that standing by someone doesn't always mean you condone their actions, it does make a statement and will often be interpreted as such.

Also, I think standing by your child and standing by your grown a$$ husband are two very different things (LOL). But then again, maybe Spitzer's mama should have been standing up there with him, since he's obviously got a lot of growing up to do . . .

When it comes to my own offspring, sure, I'd stand by him before a judge--one time. I'd even bail him out--one time. After that, all bets are off. This mama just don't play that. If you're not trying to learn from your mistakes and do better, all I can do is pray for you and hope one day you come to your senses.

Doesn't mean I'd ever stop loving him, but I really do feel if he's man enough (or bad enough or grown enough) to get into the mess by himself, he durn well oughta be man enough (or bad enough or grown enough) to take the punishment by himself. Why drag your mama (or anybody else you claim to love) into it, after the fact?

But getting back to the Spitzers--if the marriage is little more than a business enterprise, then I guess if nothing else, at least ole boy is consistent when it comes to his choice of women (smile).