Chris Brown vs. Rihanna
Last night it was reported that Chris Brown was being pursued for questioning about an alleged assault against an unidentified woman. Rumor has it that the woman in question is his girlfriend, Rihanna.
My first thought when I heard this was, Dag, Ole Boy obviously skipped the chapter in the Thug Handbook that advises against striking Light-Skinned women (ditto White women) upside the head. Sheesh, y'all know we bruise easily! Being a member of the Light-Skinned tribe himself, you'd think Mr. Brown would already know this.
All joking aside, hopefully this will serve as a lesson to young Chris that striking a woman, any woman isn't a route he wants to take, unless he's looking to emulate the careers of folks Ike Turner or OJ, both of whom could have readily advised him about the Thug Handbook's Light-Skinned/White woman beat-down rules . . .
Michael Phelps vs. The Richland County South Carolina Sheriff
Okay, so a picture materalizes of Mr. Phelps taking a hit off a bong and now the sheriff in Richland County, South Carolina where the incident allegedly took place wants to press charges. Yeah, right. I mean seriously, I could see if the boy got caught sucking on a crack pipe or snorting something up his nose, shooting something into his veins or standing on a corner dealing. But this just seems pretty doggone trivial to me.
If South Carolina is anything like North Carolina (where I currently reside), then drunk driving is pretty much a daily local news item. I don't know if it's that whole Dukes of Hazard NASCAR mentality or what. But every other day it seems, some drunk fool is driving down the wrong side of the road, crashing into trees, rolling down embankments or worse yet, causing accidents that result in serious injury or death to other drivers, passengers and or pedestrians.
If law enforcement officials in the Carolinas are looking to crack down on drug use and abuse, why not start with all of these speeding drunk a$$ drivers who get these laughably light sentences? In any case, I'm pretty sure the good citizens of Richland County have bigger issues in need of addressing, say like Umemployment. Poverty. Racism. Real Crime.
It's also rather interesting how your average citizen or celebrity can be charged with a crime on the basis of a photo, but you can have twenty minutes worth of video footage of a cop beating the hell out of somebody and somehow, that's not enough proof for conviction. Anyway . . .
The Octuplets Mom (Nadya Sulema) vs Anybody With A Sound Mind
Okay, from the looks of things, homegirl has some serious issues. When I heard that she'd received disability compensation after being injured in a riot that took place in psychiatric facility, my first thought was Well, that explains everything. During the riot she obviously hit her head on something . . .
As I watched an excerpt from the interview she did with Ann Curry, I said to my husband, "In addition to being coo-coo for Coco Puffs, I think homegirl has had a wee bit too much plastic surgery." Really, something about her nose and her lips just didn't seem right. She looked like a mangled cross between Lil Kim, Michael Jackson and some sort of feral feline, the latter of which might account for her incomprehensible desire to give birth to a litter. Sure enough, since my first sighting of Ms. Suleman others have suggested she's gone under the knife a time or two and may possibly be suffering from some sort of Angelia Jolie complex.
Etta James vs Beyonce
You know, I really can't blame Ms. James for being upset about not receiving an invitation to sing "her song" at the inauguration. I'm sure she felt like she'd been overlooked, yet again. But her rant against Beyonce was a bit much.
No disrespect intended, but while listening to Ms. James' spiel, I couldn't help but think about those women I'd sometimes see in those dark, smoky cafes one of my grandmothers used to work in. I'm talking about those women who'd be sitting and nodding at a table by themselves, with a crooked wig on their heads, a cigarette in their mouths and a half-empy forty on the table in front of them. Some of the stuff that came out of their mouths would bring tears to your eyes (smile).