Thursday Thirteen #44 . . . 13 Hairstylists & Hair Salon Pet Peeves

Not unlike, Professor Aliesha Eaton, the main character in my latest novel A Natural Woman, I've had a number of less than pleasant experiences with hairstylists and at hair salons. It is one of the primary reasons, I currently wear my own hair natural and typically do it at home. Hey, I'd rather take a chance on looking crazy, than put up with any of the following . . .

1) Music, conversation or the volume turned up so loud on a TV, I can't hear my own sighs of exasperation. (Even worse are those places where you're treated to a seemingly never-ending blend of the three).

2) The hairstylist who ignores your instructions and styles your hair the way he or she pleases ("What the heck! Now, I know I didn't come in here looking like a chicken, I'll be dang if I leave here looking like one!")

3) Those salons where I'm made to wait 30 minutes to an hour, past my scheduled appointment

4) Hairstylists who tell me WAY more than I care to know about their personal lives (Note, if you have an STD, a crack-habit, a number of crazy folks stalking you or a mole in an unusual place, do me a favor and keep that mess to yourself)

5) Those salons where I highly suspect more than half of the employees are armed, known felons or are listed on some law enforcement agency's most wanted list

6) Stylists who gossip viciously about everybody in the shop, customers and employees alike (Don't worry, I won't be telling you a d@mn thing)

7) Stylists who work on your head like they're weeding a briar patch

8) Stylists who are constantly on the phone, or who routinely hold long, drawn-out, highly animated conversations with other customers and/or hairstylists

9) Salons where arguing, cussing and fighting appear to be the norm

10) Salons where inappropriate movies are shown in color and on the big screen (Look, I am not trying to see anybody's sex tape. Not Paris Hilton's. Not R. Kelley's. Not Screech from Saved By the Bell. And most certainly not your friend or cousin Bay-Bay who lives around the way . . .)

11) Hairstylists who move to a new salon every 4-6 months. (Dang, haven't you ever heard of staying put somewhere and building up your clientele?)

12) Salons where known gang-banger types, petty thieves and girls who work the stroll (don’t act like you don’t know what stroll I’m talking ‘bout) feel free to roam the parking lot and loiter in front of the building

13) Salons where the bootleggers, street vendors and sidewalk evangelists are permitted inside to peddle their wares

Yeah I know, perhaps I need to stay outta the hood and frequent more upscale hair establishments (LOL). But I know I’m not the only one who has ever encountered these kinds of issues.

In any case, if you are a hairstylist, beautician, barber, etc. who has never seen, done or experienced any of the aforementioned, great! I’m obviously, not talking about you or where you work, so please don’t cop an attitude or be offended. In fact, feel free to leave your contact information here in the section for comments . . .

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Hand Selling & Pitch Preferences . . .

What turns you off as a consumer? What type of pitch approach works best for you?

Not long ago, I was in a bookstore browsing in the section set aside for"African American" fiction when one of the bookstore employees walked over and asked if needed help finding anything in particular. When I told her no, I was looking, she made an interesting comment. She said, "You know a lot of this stuff is garbage."

Now, had I not agreed, the conversation might have taken an ugly turn (LOL), but since so much of stuff showing up the "African American" fiction shelves these days makes me grimace and shake my head, she got no argument from me. For the sake of full disclosure, let me just add that I'd also had a successful book-signing in this same bookstore the day before this particular conversation took place.

Anyway, the bookstore employee went on to give me a glowing and detailed review of a book by an African American author that she'd absolutely adored. When I asked the middle-aged White woman what had prompted her to read a novel by an African American author and that had something of an "urban" storyline, she'd laughed and said, she felt a certain obligation as someone in the book business to read beyond and outside the realm of "dead White authors."

I nodded, listened and took note, in part because I'd heard/read good things about this same author's work elsewhere. Even though on that particular day, I ended up purchasing a different title, I won't soon forget the bookstore employee's enthusiastic sales pitch and I'm sure at some point, I will check out the novel she recommended.

A number of things generally play into my decision to buy or not buy a book. At the top of my list are factors like recommendations, reviews and excerpts. I pay particular attention to the recommendations of folks whose reading taste are similar to mine. If I keep hearing about a book or seeing mentions of it everywhere, I'll typically go online and take a look at some of the reviews written by both customers and bonafide book critics. If I've never read the author's work before, I generally make an attempt to read an excerpt before I make a final decision.

The bookseller's approach worked well for me because she soft-pedaled her pitch and made an effort to both ascertain my tastes and engage me in polite conversation. What doesn't work so well for me is the hard-sell or what I've come to view as the "hustle man" approach.

Pitch turn-offs for me, include the following:

Shoving a book in my face or hands and saying something along the lines of this, "This here is the bomb! You really do need to buy/ read/check this out today!;

Hounding me, chasing me, or following me around with a book while I'm browsing in a bookstore, at a festival or while I'm out in the grocery store parking lot;

Questioning my intelligence, racial solidarity, spiritual integrity, sanity, willingness to help a brother or sister out, etc.;

Bombarding me with notices (email, snail, etc.) about your latest book, literary endeavor and/or accomplishment, but never attempting to engage me otherwise. I mean, an email just to say hello, how ya doing or a comment on my blog every now and then wouldn't hurt;

Turning up at somebody else's event, uninvited, for the specific purpose of hustling me and the other guests with your literary wares;

Authors who under the guise of marketing and promotion-- boast, brag and otherwise act like they're the best thing to hit the scene since barbecued beans and chicken wings.

I do understand and appreciate that some of the items on my "turn-off" list don't bother others. We're all different and that's a beauty thing (smile). I'm also certain that to some my comments will mark me as a snob or some kind of an elitist. Oh well . . . go ahead and hate me for thinking books deserve better than to be hawked like crack, stolen sneakers or bootleg dvds (LOL). Really, all I'm doing is sharing my preferences and trying to get a better sense for how others go about making that decision to fork over their hard-earned dollars for a book. What say you?

THURSDAY THIRTEEN . . . 13 INTERNET PET PEEVES . . . Don't act like I'm the only one. Everyone has them, right? The following are some of my pet peeves when it comes to the internet.

1) Sites chocked so full of ads, graphics, photos and the like, they take forever to upload/download . . . Hey, give me a break, you know what I'm trying to say *smile* (In case you didn't know, not all of us have, want or can afford high speed internet).

2) Religious chain letters that attempt to blackmail you into salvation. You know, the "if you don't send this to 33 people in the next 33 minutes, 33 of your teeth are gonna rot" or some other such nonsense. (Does salvation made by way of threat or under duress really even count?)

3) The Nigerian Chain Letter (Come on, Dr. Josc, Mr. Abdoul and all the rest of y'all. Do you really think I was born yesterday? There is no 22.5 million dollars and I am not your dear friend. So, get a new hustle and stop freaking emailing me.

4) Dead, Broken or Unworkable Links (Okay, I must confess--I too have been guilty of this. )

5) Bloggers who respond to everyone's comments except yours. (Dag, it's like that, huh? Well, I'll just take my jacks and go play somewhere else.)

6) People who "reply" to "all" by email when they really only intend for one specific person to see the message. ( May you all be sentenced to an Email 101 Refresher Course.)

7) Pop-ups that sneak by your pop-up blocker. (Grrr!)

8) People who expect you to respond promptly to their emails, but refuse to extend you the same courtesy. (That's all right Mom. What goes around, comes around. Just kidding*smile*).

9) Huge links that take forever to download. (Really, sometimes smaller is better . . . ).

10) Sites with hideous color combinations--like pink on black, or black on purple . . . (Dag, I'm blind enough as it is. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to start wearing my 3D movie glasses everytime I sit down in front of the screen).

11) Bloggers who take themselves way too seriously. (Lighten up and laugh sometimes, why don'tcha? Life is way too short).

12) Forwarded emails, letters, poems, warnings purportedly penned by some authority figure, government official, slave master or Maya Angelou. (Stop the madness people).

13) Folks who pull/fish your name from a group email in order to send you advertising material and/or spam. (Class, can you say, "Tacky?!" Thank you class.)

Okay, did I miss any? Are there others you'd like to mention? Go ahead and vent, why don'tcha? I just did.

***A FEW LATE ADDITIONS***When you finish here, hop over to Artventuring and check out Michelle's "13 Life Frustrations We All Share." Also, Malcolm posted a list of "13 Films That Spawned Short-Lived Series" on his blog Pop Culture Dish.