THURSDAY THIRTEEN #10 . . . 13 PEOPLE WHO COULD VERY WELL STAY AT HOME THIS THANKSGIVING

1) The well-intentioned, but obviously clueless relative who insists on bringing the same nasty a$$ dish every year that nobody wants to eat.

2) The uncle who, instead of saying grace, delivers a ten-minute, mini-sermon.

3) The auntie who always smells like a right lethal combination of bourbon and Bengay.

4) The relative who insists on talking non-stop and in full detail about everybody's medical ailments, health issues, treatments and operations.

5) The greedy a$$ cousins who never bring anything, but eat like field hands and lumberjacks and take two and three foil-wrapped plates home.

6) The sticky-fingered relative you have to stop at the door and pat down and/or wand before he/she leaves.

7) The sticky-fingered relative's shifty-eyed friend, who you highly suspect may be casing your place and planning to come back later.

8) The dear old uncle who generally smells like a right rank combo of moldy, wet tobacco and burnt garlic.

9) The big-mouthed relative who, when he's not bragging about his exploits is telling the same lame, boring a$$ stories/lies he tells every year.

10) The kindly neighbor with the 25 house cats, dogs and/or rats who always wants to drop by with a homemade dish.

11) The sweet, little ole aunt who criticizes your every dish while steadily stuffing her face.

12) The bad a$$ kids or drunk male relatives who go into your bathroom and aim at everything, but the freaking commode.

13) The so-called good friend who only wants to come over so he/she can laugh at all of the fools in your crazy a$$ family.

Any comments or additions? If so, bring 'em on (smile)!

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THURSDAY THIRTEEN #9 . . . 13 THINGS NO WOMAN EVER WANTS TO HEAR AT THE END OF A ROMANTIC EVENING . . .

1) Okay, now what did you say your name was again?

2) Yeah, so after I'm finished with my probation . . .

3) Don't worry, the itching and burning doesn't last long . . .

4) Darn, I'm kind of low on cash. You think you could let me borrow (or loan me . . . or let me hold . . .)

5) No, seriously, the trailer . . . (or room in my parents' basement or the tricked-out mini-van, etc.) has a really nice hot tub . . .

6) My phone? Oh, that's just the wife calling to see where I am . . .

7) Oops, sorry, but I think it mighta broke . . .

8) You wanna come over? Mama and her dogs (or her cats or her ferrets or her goats or her ______ **you fill in the blank**) are generally fast asleep by now . . .

9) Funny, the woman I went out with last night said the exact same thing . . .

10) Soon as I get the flea (or the tick or the roach or the _____ ** fill in your vermin of choice **) infestation taken care of, I'll invite you over . . .

11) Did I ever tell you about the time I was on Jerry Springer? (or Maury Povich or Cops or Cheaters or _______ ** fill in your ignorant show of choice**)

12) Okay, I know it looks bad, but I'm really not all that contagious . . .

13) Holy crap! I think you mighta broke it . . .

Well, that's my list (smile). All comments and/or additions are welcome.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #8 . . . 13 NOTABLE QUOTES BY POLITICIANS . . . THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY . . .

1) "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." (George W. Bush)

2) "I did not have sex with that woman." (William J. Clinton)

3) "I am not a crook." (Richard M. Nixon)

4) "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." (John F. Kennedy)

5) "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." (Marion Berry)

6) "My belief is, we will in fact, be greeted as liberators." (Dick Cheney)

7) "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." (Abraham Lincoln)

8) "Yee-aargh!" (Howard Dean)

9) "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

10) "I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times." (Jimmy Carter)

11) "There's not a punk bone in my body." (Memphis Mayor Willie Herenton)

12) "They misunderestimated me." (George Bush)

13) "The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes." (Winston Churchill)

Do you have a favorite quote by a politician? Do tell--good, bad or ugly--even if it's not one on my list.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #7 . . . 13 TRICK OR TREAT DON'T (S) . . .

I'm early, I know. Halloween is another full week away. But I felt a need to air these particular feelings/grievances ahead of time. And now that I have, I feel so much better (smile).

1) DON'T send your kid out to knock on doors until you've first taught him/her proper Halloween etiquette. "Give me some candy!" and "Is that all you've got?" are not acceptable substitutes for "Trick or treat! and "Thank you."

2) If you're 13 years old or older and you're thinking about knocking on my door and asking for candy . . . DON'T . . . unless you're looking to be embarrassed or have the police called on your behind.

3) If you're thinking about letting little Ashley dress up like Peaches the stripper or Kitty the call girl, and calling it a costume . . . DON'T! That mess is SO NOT cute.

4) If you forget to buy candy, DON'T try to substitute those stale mints and those dried up sticks of gum that have been sitting in the bottom of your purse or in that dusty bowl in the living room forever. That's just nasty . . . and trifling.

5) If you're one of those anti-sugar freaks, DON'T pass out toothbrushes and dental floss--sheesh, just turn out the lights and keep your durn door shut.

6) DON'T send your child up to my house clutching one of those big, green, 30-gallon sized trash bags, unless he/she is pretending to be a sanitation worker. It's Halloween folks, not garbage pick-up day.

7) If you're sitting in the house in your drawers, getting your drank on, when the door bell rings, do us all a favor and just DON'T answer it.

8) DON'T pass out candy you had left over from Valentine's Day or worse yet, last Halloween.

9) If you notice that my porch light and all of my house lights are OUT or I've got a big a$$ neon sign on my door that says, "NO CANDY HERE!" DON'T bother to knock or ring my freaking doorbell.

10) If you see me out trick or treating with my kid, DON'T jump out the bushes and holler "Boo!" unless you're looking to get clubbed, maced or possibly even shanked. Mama DON'T play that.

11) If your religious beliefs prevent you from participating in Halloween, DON'T spoil it for the folks/heathens who do by passing out prayer cards, verses from Revelations or communion wafers.

12) If there's a thunderstorm or a blizzard or the weather man says there's a tornado, hurricane or a tsunami in the immediate vicinity, please DON'T show up at my door trying to trick or treat.

13) DON'T send your child out door-to-door on Halloween without a costume or at least some make-up. That's not trick or treating folks, that's just plain ole begging.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #6 . . . 13 OF LIFE'S MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS . . .

1) When you realize "C" students really do rule the world.

2) When you discover ministers, priests, pastors and the like, are capable of lying, cheating, stealing, committing adultry, beating their wives, preying on children and other immoral acts.

3) When you accidently see your grandmama topless.

4) When you realize you and everyone you love will one day die.

5) When you discover liars and cheaters can and often do win.

6) When you realize evil is real and often lives a long time in the world.

7) When you discover life isn't really fair.

8) When it dawns on you that your parents do "it" or if they're older have the nerve to still be doing "it."

9) When you discover, not only do you not know most of the answers, you don't even know half of the questions.

10) When you realize a lot of people mistakenly believe they can actually sing or rap or dance or act or properly raise a kid or lead you to the promised land or ( ______ ) fill in the blank.

11) When you realize the life you dreamt in your youth, will most likely never happen.

12) When it dawns on you that this baby really does have to come out of you some kind of way.

13) When you discover that the words "one nation, under God, indivisible and with liberty and justice for all" are more of a wishful thought than an actual reality.

Any others you want to add? Be my guest. Just remember, this isn't HBO or Cinemax or any of those late night, boot-leg cable tv programs . . . so please, try to keep your "shocking moment" comments PG13 (smile).

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #5 . . . 13 OLD SCHOOL GAMES I (WE) GREW UP WITH . . . Several weeks ago, I caught the tail end of an HGTV program about the different toys and games kids commonly enjoyed "back in the day." The program led me to ponder the differences in how old school kids amused themselves vs. today's youths. When I look back on the games we enjoyed in the '60s, '70s and early '80s, quite a number of them required more than one or two bodies, involved very little if any equipment and/or gadgetry, were typically played outdoors and more often than not, involved a whole bunch of ripping and running. Of couse, we old schoolers had our share of toys and gadgets, like the Hoola Hoop, Barbie Doll, GI Joe and even Pong and the Rubic's Cube, which could be enjoyed by one or two kids. But for the purposes of this particular post, I'd like to focus on those games I (We) grew up with, which, truth be told, were actually a heck of a lot more fun when the number of kids participating exceeded three. You know, games like . . . 1) RED ROVER, RED ROVER (The worst thing about this game was when the big kid came charging over . . . If you were smart, rather than get knocked down or wind up with third degree arm burns, you and the kid standing next to you simply, let go each others hands.) 2) FREEZE TAG (This was one of my favorite games--probably because of all of the funny and creative poses involved.) 3) RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT (Why was the shortest kid, generally the quickest?) 4) MOTHER, MAY I? (Didn't the bossiest girl in the group *the one who most reminded you of "Margaret" from "Dennis the Menace" or "Lucy" from the "Peanuts" series* always INSIST on being the MOTHER? 5) DODGE BALL (I can only chuckle at those folks who claim this game is way too aggressive and violent for the likes of children. My grandmother, who grew up in rural South Memphis during the 19- teens and the '20s, used to speak fondly of a game they played called "fireball." In this game, kids would collect a bunch of old rags, tie them together, soak them in kerosene, set them on fire and toss them at one another. No, people, seriously . . . I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted too.) 6) KICK BALL (My son informed me that nowadays, all of the cool kids, turn their feet and kick sideways, like the soccer players do. Yeah, kid, whatever. I'm sure we had just as much fun, kicking it straight . . . even though, sometimes the younger kids would end up flat on their backs and staring up at the sky in their attempts to do so.) 7) HIDE & SEEK (The hubby claims the older and more mannish and womanish (more Black Southern ebonics) kids in his neighborhood used to a play a verison of this game that they called, "Hide & Go Get." Of course, he swears he never indulged in such shenanigans.) 8) JUMP ROPE (We've come a long way, haven't we? Back in the day, most guys didn't play this game, the way they do now. But wasn't there always this one guy who could turn the rope, double dutch, spin around and touch the ground better than any of the girls?) 9) HOP-SCOTCH (Yeah, you could play this by yourself. But the more girls, the better the arguments.) 10) SIMON SAYS (You really couldn't play this game with everybody. Because some of the more twisted kids, would try to take the game to a whole another level. After playing with them you'd either end up in traction or needing therapy.) 11) DUCK, DUCK GOOSE! (The hubby claims the kids in his hood never played this game. Probably becasue they were too busy playing "Hide & Go Get.") 12) TOUCH/TAG FOOTBALL (My little brother suffered a broken collar bone while playing this game. Back then, he was skinny, runt of a kid and one of the neighborhood kids--a boy by the name of "Big Junior" fell on him). 13) YOU'RE IT! (Seemed like the slowest, goofiest kid always ended up being "it." Yeah, that would have been me. But wasn't there always this even goofier kid who'd fall down at your feet because he or she wanted to be tagged? Yeah, I always stepped right over that fool.) Okay, your turn. What was your favorite "old school" game? Or, if you prefer, which game did you absolutely hate and only played under duress (smile)? Feel free to mention games that aren't included on the list.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #4 . . . 13 TV KIDS I LOVE TO HATE . . .

It's all Malcolm's fault (smile). Not only did he get me hooked on this Thursday Thirteen meme business, earlier this week he added a poll to his blog (Pop Culture Dish). In the poll, he mentioned a kid (played by Billy Mumy) from one of my LEAST favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone. In the episode, the little kid named Anthony, a little monster in disguise, has the power to make people who tick him off disappear into the cornfield.

Argh! I couldn't stand that kid. In the process of thinking about just how much I absolutely abhorred him, I started thinking about some of the other TV kid characters who've worked my last nerve.

Granted, most of the shows on my list I've only watched in passing (either while channel surfing or because of my own child's appetite for bad television) but trust me, I saw more than enough . . . Anyway, here's the list:

1) Anthony Fremont (That was the fictional name of the evil spawn from the Twilight Zone who made people disappear into the cornfield.)

2) Kenan and Kel of the Kenan and Kel Show (Okay, watching these two goof-balls was sort of like watching a Black version of Larry and Curly, minus Moe. And for the record, I hated the original 3 Stooges.)

3) Steve Urkel from Family Matters (Talk about an insult to smart, Black kids everywhere (smile). But to be fair, besides Laura, most of the characters on this show came off as big doofuses.)

4) Michelle from Full House (Something about the Olsen twins has always given me the hee-bee jee-bees. Seriously, when they were babies they kind of reminded me of a pair of muppets or ventriloquist dummies or something . . . )

5) Lil Earl from What's Happening (The hubby has threatened to put me out if I include Lil Earl's name on the list. Well, I guess I'll be sitting on the curb tonight y'all (LOL). One clue that a show is about to get the ax is when they add some cute, but annoying little kid to the cast. Sorry Sweetie, Lil Earl seriously bugged the heck out of me.

6) Raven, Corey and Eddie from That's So Raven (My son is mad at me about this one (smile). Not that I care. I still say, rather than a show, all three of these jokers should be doing commercial spots for either Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.)

7) J.J from Good Times (This one is sort of a no-brainer, isn't it? Yeah, let's just keep it moving . . . )

8) Tia and Tamera from Sister, Sister (I'm not sure what it was about them. But even today when I see them, I get that awful sensation that generally accompanies the dragging of fingernails across a chalk board . . . shudder)

9) All of the kids from Happy Days (I hated this show. Still do. Mainly because, back when I was a teen, the 3 kids I babysat for during the summers used to make me watch the re-runs with them every doggone day. I have no doubt that being forced to watch this show is some awful level of Dante's Hell.)

10) All of the kids from Barney (Come on y'all. Weren't most of the kids on this show too durn old to be dancing, skipping, singing goofy songs and holding hands with the likes of Barney?)

11) Buffy and Mrs. Beasley from Family Affair (Yes, technically, Mrs. Beasley was a doll. But it's hard for me to imagine one without the other. I'm pretty sure there were days when it took everything in Mr. French not to lock the both of them up in the closet somewhere.)

12) Junior from My Wife and Kids (Talk about a punkin head. *For those who don't know or are simply in denial, "punkin" is Southern Ebonics for pumpkin* Yeah, so, anyway, they made this kid's character so slow, he really should have been hanging out with those big, goofy kids on Barney . . . and wearing a protective football helmet so he wouldn't hurt his fool self.)

13) Greg, Marsha and Jan from The Brady Bunch (Y'all know in the real world, Greg would have grown up to be the office suck-up, Marsha would have ended up being somebody's Stepford wife and poor Jan would have either wound up as some demented serial killer or else a horribly confused astronaut . . . you know, like the type who at some point decides to embark upon a road trip armed with a can of mace and a big bag of of Depends . . .)

So tell me, who did I miss? Which TV kid makes you wanna go all "Homie the Clown" (from the show In Living Color) and just bop 'em upside the head, one good time? I love kids. Really, I do . . . just not the ones on TV.