It's all Malcolm's fault (smile). Not only did he get me hooked on this Thursday Thirteen meme business, earlier this week he added a poll to his blog (Pop Culture Dish). In the poll, he mentioned a kid (played by Billy Mumy) from one of my LEAST favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone. In the episode, the little kid named Anthony, a little monster in disguise, has the power to make people who tick him off disappear into the cornfield.
Argh! I couldn't stand that kid. In the process of thinking about just how much I absolutely abhorred him, I started thinking about some of the other TV kid characters who've worked my last nerve.
Granted, most of the shows on my list I've only watched in passing (either while channel surfing or because of my own child's appetite for bad television) but trust me, I saw more than enough . . . Anyway, here's the list:
1) Anthony Fremont (That was the fictional name of the evil spawn from the Twilight Zone who made people disappear into the cornfield.)
2) Kenan and Kel of the Kenan and Kel Show (Okay, watching these two goof-balls was sort of like watching a Black version of Larry and Curly, minus Moe. And for the record, I hated the original 3 Stooges.)
3) Steve Urkel from Family Matters (Talk about an insult to smart, Black kids everywhere (smile). But to be fair, besides Laura, most of the characters on this show came off as big doofuses.)
4) Michelle from Full House (Something about the Olsen twins has always given me the hee-bee jee-bees. Seriously, when they were babies they kind of reminded me of a pair of muppets or ventriloquist dummies or something . . . )
5) Lil Earl from What's Happening (The hubby has threatened to put me out if I include Lil Earl's name on the list. Well, I guess I'll be sitting on the curb tonight y'all (LOL). One clue that a show is about to get the ax is when they add some cute, but annoying little kid to the cast. Sorry Sweetie, Lil Earl seriously bugged the heck out of me.
6) Raven, Corey and Eddie from That's So Raven (My son is mad at me about this one (smile). Not that I care. I still say, rather than a show, all three of these jokers should be doing commercial spots for either Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.)
7) J.J from Good Times (This one is sort of a no-brainer, isn't it? Yeah, let's just keep it moving . . . )
8) Tia and Tamera from Sister, Sister (I'm not sure what it was about them. But even today when I see them, I get that awful sensation that generally accompanies the dragging of fingernails across a chalk board . . . shudder)
9) All of the kids from Happy Days (I hated this show. Still do. Mainly because, back when I was a teen, the 3 kids I babysat for during the summers used to make me watch the re-runs with them every doggone day. I have no doubt that being forced to watch this show is some awful level of Dante's Hell.)
10) All of the kids from Barney (Come on y'all. Weren't most of the kids on this show too durn old to be dancing, skipping, singing goofy songs and holding hands with the likes of Barney?)
11) Buffy and Mrs. Beasley from Family Affair (Yes, technically, Mrs. Beasley was a doll. But it's hard for me to imagine one without the other. I'm pretty sure there were days when it took everything in Mr. French not to lock the both of them up in the closet somewhere.)
12) Junior from My Wife and Kids (Talk about a punkin head. *For those who don't know or are simply in denial, "punkin" is Southern Ebonics for pumpkin* Yeah, so, anyway, they made this kid's character so slow, he really should have been hanging out with those big, goofy kids on Barney . . . and wearing a protective football helmet so he wouldn't hurt his fool self.)
13) Greg, Marsha and Jan from The Brady Bunch (Y'all know in the real world, Greg would have grown up to be the office suck-up, Marsha would have ended up being somebody's Stepford wife and poor Jan would have either wound up as some demented serial killer or else a horribly confused astronaut . . . you know, like the type who at some point decides to embark upon a road trip armed with a can of mace and a big bag of of Depends . . .)
So tell me, who did I miss? Which TV kid makes you wanna go all "Homie the Clown" (from the show In Living Color) and just bop 'em upside the head, one good time? I love kids. Really, I do . . . just not the ones on TV.