THURSDAY THIRTEEN #14 . . . 13 THINGS I'D LIKE TO SEE LESS OF IN 2008 . . .

1) BOOTLEG DVDS (As an artist, this pratice truly offends me. I don't buy, watch or listen to bootleg products when I can help it. Now, if Shay-Shay and 'Nem have got it running on full blast down at the hair salon, there's not much I can do about it. But I'm not trying to cut into another artist's profits when and if I can help it.)

2) IGNORANT A$$ MOVIES (particularly those aimed at the African American audience. If these went straight to bootleg, I'd be more than happy.)

3) BRITNEY SPEARS' BARE COOCHIE AND/OR NAKED A$$ (Apparently, "Oops, I did it again" as in left the durn house without undies, is this poor child's freaking theme song. I can only hope she got a year's supply of clean drawers for Christmas.)

4) SYMBOLS OF RACIAL HATRED (All y'all out there tying nooses, putting on blackface, dressing up like stereotypes and calling it big fun need to grow the hell up and get a life.)

5) BOOKS WITH WORDS LIKE PIMP, PLAYA, HO', THUG, TRICK, THONG OR GANGSTA IN THE TITLE (Sorry, no offense intended, really. Were I on lockdown, trying to work the stroll or the pole, I just might find this kind of mess entertaining, but I'm not and I don't.)

6) ANNA NICOLE STORIES (Dang, the poor woman and her son are dead and buried. Can't we just let them rest in peace already?)

7) REALITY SHOWS (Some of this mess is about as entertaining as watching a fat kid pick his nose and at the rate we're going, I'm pretty sure something along those lines will hit the networks soon.)

8) CHEATING A$$ ATHLETES, COACHES AND SPORTS OFFICIALS

9) LYING A$$ POLITICIANS

10) ANOREXIC (NO A$$) STARLETS

11) MURDER

12) POVERTY

13) ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION COMMERCIALS (Why it's acceptable to run 15 different, loud, lengthy (no pun intended) and incredibly annoying erectile dysfunction commercials in prime time, but not a single condom ad is truly beyond me.)

So what are you hoping to see less of in 2008? Is there anything on my list you strongly agree or disagree with?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

IT'S 2008 . . . HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

How about we start off 2008 with a quote?

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

Albert Einstein

Don't you love that? I ran across it several months ago in an article about Walter Isaacson who penned a bio entitled Einstein: His Life and Universe. Deep down in my gut, I've always believed the idea expressed in the statement above. But it was nice to see that a "genius" had actually confirmed it (smile).

MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY . . . YOU SHO'LL BEEN GOOD TO ME . . .

From Lori & her Daddy's Picture Collection

Christmas morning 196?

Yes, that's me from some long ago Christmas past. Not really sure how old I was, but I bet my Dad, who sometimes checks my blog, will know. He'll probably even tell me after he finishes complaining about me "stealing" his pictures again.

Notice the silver tree? Yes, we did have the color wheel that went with that bad boy. Even after we got rid of the tree we kept using the color wheel for years. Some of my best memories are lying beneath the Christmas tree with the lights out, watching the colors change--red, yellow, green, blue and while listening to the Jackson Five Christmas Album. Yeah, y'all don't know nothing 'bout that (smile).

Notice too the one present I'm obviously smitten with? Not the dishes, not the kitchen set in the box, not the stuffed dog or whatever the heck that is sitting on the table. Nope, for me it's always been about music and books. I may have mentioned this once before, but according to Moms when I was a baby (before I could walk or talk) my folks used to hand me books upside down and watch me cry until someone turned the book rightside up. They never could figure out how (and without the benefit of pictures) I instinctively seemed to know something just wasn't right. Funny how some things never change. I still don't much like my words turned upside down . . .

So hey, I'm off to celebrate the holidays with my peoples. Thanks for visiting and commenting. Thanks for making me laugh, think, ask questions and wonder why. A special thanks to those of you who've already pre-ordered my book. There's nothing like watching those Amazon numbers change (smile). If you enjoy it, I hope you'll share what pleased you about it with others. If you hate it, feel free to come back and tell me why. In any case, If The Good Lord is Willing and the Creek Don't Rise, I'll catch up with you all again in the New Year.

PEACE AND BLESSINGS

THURSDAY THIRTEEN#13 . . . 13 REASONS TO BUY MY BOOK . . . AFTER THE DANCE . . .

Yeah, I know. Shameless self-promotion, right? Well, at least I'm doing it over here in my own little spot and not junking up your in-box with it (smile). So humor me, all right? Officially, the book (After The Dance) doesn't make its debut in bookstores until April of 2008, which gives you plenty of time to at least give it some thought. So anyway, if you were going to buy my book, which one of following just might work for you?

1) If you pre-order now from Amazon, you'll get a really great discount. (Cheap is good, right? Okay, except when it comes to husbands, dates, boob-jobs and cars.)

2) You're in need of a new doorstop. (Can you say "multi-purpose?")

3) You feel sorry for me. (Hey, it worked for Sanjaya of American Idol fame.)

4) You enjoy my Thursday 13's. (Same kind of humor, slightly different format.)

5) You want to be among the first to trash it. (Okay, Mom if this works for you, what can I say?*smile*)

6) You typically enjoy romantic comedies. (Yes, wedged between the snarkiness and the over the top humor, there's actually an honest-to-goodness love story.)

7) You'll do anything to get me to shut up talking about it. (Hey, if you buy two or more, you won't hear another dang peep outta me.)

8) You routinely support new authors. (Okay, I've been around for a while, but this is my first book.)

9) You're curious to see how or if I pulled it off. (I am talking about the book . . . it's not even that kind of party.)

10) You're in the mood for a fun read. (No, it ain't all that deep.)

11) You're in need of an inexpensive gift. (Really, at $15.oo, it's practically a steal.)

12) You're a fan of music from the old school. (Old school, rules y'all! And there's plenty of it in my book.)

13) You want to be counted among the first to give it a thumbs up. (All joking aside, I am hoping that at least a few folks will enjoy my first full-length literary offering.)

Thanks for the indulgence. In today's competitive marketplace, a girl has to hawk her wares every chance she gets. At least that's what the publishing folks keep telling me (smile).

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

ANOTHER WRITER'S WISDOM . . . ON PUBLISHING YOUR FIRST BOOK . . .

While blog hopping several weeks ago, I ran across a gem of a piece entitled "Things I've Learned Since My First Book Got Published." The writer, Cherie Priest, posted a list of 20 things she'd learned in the process of publishing her first book.

Even though my own debut novel is still several months away from hitting the shelves, I can already relate to most of the items on Ms. Priest's list. The following are the ones in particular that made me nod, smile, laugh and had me shouting "Oh so true!"

Priest: "Everyone will think you are rich: Obviously, if you got a book published, someone must have given you fat sacks of cash dollars American . . ."

(My comment: Not only will people assume such, some will be so bold or rude as to ASK about the amount of your advance. Please, if nothing else, do understand, that those six figure book deals you sometimes read or hear about are the EXCEPTIONS, not the rule. Most folks who score a publishing deal are not getting paid mega-bucks. So, if that's the only reason you're trying to write, I'd advise you to look for a more lucrative hustle.)

Priest: "No one will believe you did it by writing a book that was worth publishing. Aspiring writers will be sure you had a secret short cut and you are a raging bitch for holding out on all those other poor folks who are just as worthy as you . . ."

My comment: Why is it some folks want to believe all you need is to secure the right "hook-up" or association with the right person and/or persons and the rest will take care of itself? Maybe there are some folks who actually do brown-nose or bull-s&!t their way into book deals. But I'm inclined to think the majority took the same route I did-- you know, the one that starts with sitting one's butt down in a chair somewhere and writing until there's a finished product? And if you think that part is hard, there's really no need of discussing what comes next.

Priest: "You now have the inside track to publishing. Everyone you've ever known--even in passing--who has ever written a book now thinks it's your God-given duty to put them in touch with your agent/editor/publisher. This will get awkward."

My comment: Ain't that the truth! Again, it appears to be the ole "hook me up" phenomenon at play here. Folks you hardly know and whose work you've never even read want you to "hook them up" with your agent or the editor at your publishing house. Really, this is not the same as making a recommendation for a foot doctor, a plumber or a hair stylist.

When it comes to finding an agent, I really think it's best to do YOUR OWN research as opposed to asking me for mine (smile). Find out the names and the contact info for the agents who represent what you've written. Find out if they're currently taking on new clients. Write them a query letter describing your work, telling them about your background and possibly why you want them to represent you.

Okay, I don't mind you asking me how I got my agent, or even about our working relationship. If I like you and trust that you won't abuse the info (see the next item on the list) I may even give you her name (smile) but PLEASE DON'T ask me for her contact information. It's not my job to hook you up.

Priest: "People will use your name to lie. At least twice, other writers with whom I was peripherally acquainted approached my (now former) agent and told him that I'd recommended them."

My comment: Nothing shocks me any more. In this age of win at all costs, folks seem willing to say or do anything if they think it will get them ahead. This is one of the main reasons I avoid giving out detailed information about my agent and other literary contacts. I have yet to give the name of my agent on this blog, but any savvy Googler can easily find it. But for the record, I honestly haven't been with my agent long enough to feel comfortable recommending folks to her.

Besides, recommendations don't always work out. I got MY FIRST AGENT via a totally unsolicted recommendation from a well-intentioned associate. If I told you who that agent was and who else she represented, you'd probably be incredibly impressed. But even though she eagerly signed me, she, as it turns out, was SO NOT the right agent for me.

As I indicated, these were some of my favorites from Cherie Priest's 20 item list. If you'd like to read the others see: "Things I've Learned Since My First Book Got Published."

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #12 . . . 13 WRESTLING MATCHES (No Holds Barred) I'D LOVE TO SEE . . .

Okay, ordinarily I'm a pretty peaceful person. But come on, aren't there some folks you'd just love to see put in a head-lock, spun around and pimp-slapped a couple of times? Nothing beats a good, old fashion thrashing. Well, the following is a list of "no holds barred' wrestling matches I'd love to see.

1) ROSIE O'DONNEL vs DONALD TRUMP (I'm fairly sure Rosie would aim first for the hair and the Don would go for the gut)

2) KIM BASINGER vs ALEC BALDWIN (I'm guessing lots of name-calling, hissing and spitting would go on here)

3) ANN COULTER vs ELIZABETH EDWARDS (Oh, if only to see AC get both the dark glasses and the smirk smacked off her face)

4) OJ SIMPSON vs DENISE BROWN & FRED GOLDMAN (This would, no doubt, earn a "fight of the century" billing)

5) BARBARA WALTERS vs STAR JONES (In the event of any wig/weave-snatching or clothes ripping, spectators would be strongly advised to shield their eyes)

6) MONICA LEWINSKY vs LINDA TRIPP (I'm sure there's still plenty of bad blood between these two . . . if not one really nasty dress)

7) NAOMI CAMPBELL vs ALL OF HER FORMER ASSISTANTS (First we'd have to ban from the ring any objects which could possibly be hurled)

8) RUDY GIULIANI vs DENNIS KUCINICH (Lots of rabbit punches and low blows)

9) T.O. vs DONAVON MCNABB (Don't blame me, this was my son's contribution)

10) SIMON COWELL vs PAULA ABDUL (Doesn't Simon looks like the type who'd fight a girl?)

11) COLIN POWELL vs DICK CHENEY (Are we ready to rumble?! Or possibly find those weapons of mass destruction?)

12) DIANA ROSS vs MARY WILSON (Talk about an old grudge! These two really do need to let it go or else duke it out once and for all)

13) PUTIN vs BUSH (I can see it now--Putin straight gangsta walking (Three 6 Mafia style) around the ring and Bush doing his usual imitation of Festus (of Gunsmoke fame). Pretty scary stuff, huh? But it sure beats the possible alternative.

Would you pay for a ringside seat at any of these? What other knock-down, drag-outs might you want to see?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

YES! NOW THIS IS MY KIND OF . . . FALL & WINTER WEATHER . . .

Football Baby! From Lori's Picture

Collection

Of course, the picture above was taken some years ago, on the back deck of our old home in Memphis. The kid is considerably older now and while most days he can still be found with a ball of some sort in his hands, he won't hardly allow me to dress him like that any more (smile).

The point is though (one of them anyway) I'm used to and prefer the type of fall & winter weather depicted above and below. The foliage has browned. The leaves have fallen. There is a discernable nip in the air at night. But the most you ever need during the day is a sweater to go over your regular attire or, if like this kid, you're still being dressed by your mama, a jazzy jogging outfit and a cool cap will do quite nicely (smile).

More Football Y'all!

From Lori's Picture

Collection

Lately, the weather here in Charlotte hasn't even called for that much. A couple of days ago, we turned off the heat and turned on the air. The temps have been in the mid-70's and are forecast to reach 77-78 at some point this week. And in case you're wondering . . . Yes, I am loving every minute of it!

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #11 . . . 13 LESSONS YOU LEARN IN LIFE . . . THE HARD WAY . . .

1) The people you help the most will generally be among the first to let you down.

2) A "sorry" however sincere, won't always make it right.

3) Cats don't generally do baths.

4) Not everyone who smiles in your face or showers you with praise has your best interest in mind.

5) If a kid looks like he's about to throw-up, he probably is.

6) Excessive bravado is typically a mask for fear.

7) Excessive anger is typically a mask for pain.

8) The people who tell you "I'll call you" or "We've gotta do lunch one day" but never follow through, aren't really your friends.

9) Paprika and red pepper are not interchangeable.

10) A "maybe" isn't the same as a "yes."

11) A life spent talking, planning and dreaming about all you're gonna do, is typically a life unlived.

12) Just because a woman has a big, protuding belly doesn't necessarily mean she's pregnant.

13) Just because a man has a big, protruding ______ doesn't necessarily mean he knows what to do with it. ( don't act like you don't know what goes in the blank*smile*).

Okay, I'm bad, I know (LOL). Of course, we all know when it comes to "lessons in life" 13 is just a start. If there are other lessons you'd like to mention, feel free to tack them on in the comments.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

AFTER THE DANCE . . . BY . . . LORI JOHNSON . . .

Well, there it is . . . the cover for my first novel . . . After the Dance. What do you think? I'd hope to showcase it on my web site first. But you know, things don't always work out the way you'd like (sad smile).

Oh, by the way, copies of the book are currently availabe for pre-order from Borders and Amazon, among others. Of course, you could also wait until the books make their official debut in stores in April of 2008.

If you are a bona fide reviewer and you'd like an advanced review copy, go to my profile page (look under my picture in the right hand corner), send me a request by email and I'll see if I can't hook you up. But you've gotta be a bona fide reviewer with a verifiable track record and not just somebody out looking for a freebie (LOL). Not that I'm totally opposed to freebies because I just might give a few away via a contest or two. We'll see.

Personally, I'm extremely pleased with the book cover art. I've long heard the horror stories about authors who hated their covers so much they broke down and cried or threw hissy fits when they first laid eyes on them. I'm happy to say that wasn't the case for me.

Interestingly enough, the good folks over at Dafina/Kensington actually asked me what I'd like to see on the cover. I mentioned a scene that takes place in downtown Memphis. It's raining and the couple are slow-dancing by the riverside. The way I envisioned it, the couple appeared in silhouette. And most of important of all, the Hernando-Desoto Bridge with its distinctive arching M's (for M-town or Memphis) was clearly visible. I even sent them a few photos of the bridge, so they'd have a better idea of what I was talking about. And Lo and behold, if Ms. Kristine Mill-Noble (Kensington's artistic director) and crew didn't absolutely NAIL IT! Not only do you have to love it when folks do right by you, if you have the least bit of hometraining, you doggone well oughta acknowledge it too. So again, THANKS Kristine.

Now, I may leave this up for a while. Not only because I like looking at it (LOL), but I need to take care of a few other projects. But in my absence, please feel free to comment. I'll be back soon to (among other things) tell you a little bit more about the book and why I think some of the fellas in particular will enjoy it even though it is very much a love story.

So until then . . . Peace & Blessings Y'all . . .

(Written while listening to, among other things "After The Dance" by Marvin Gaye and "Baby I'm For Real" by the Originals).

WHAT I DON'T MISS . . . ABOUT LIVING IN CLEVELAND . . .

From Lori's Beachwood

Picture Collection

The small figure you see in the picture above is my son. He'd just been dropped off by the school bus and was trudging home through the snow. The covered vehicle is my poor car.

Snow and freezing temps are at the top of the long list of things I hated about my exile . . . oops, I meant my stay in the Cleveland area. But for probably 3 of the 4 years we lived in Beachwood (a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio) this is typically what our neighborhood looked like, not long after (and sometimes on) Thanksgiving Day. Even worse, this mess didn't usually leave for good until AFTER Easter. Come on. Those of us from the Delta know it's not supposed to be snowing after Easter, much less in freaking EARLY MAY. I'm SO GLAD those days are in the past. But even now, I still can't help but wonder how the early settlers of the area ever made it. And for those who did survive that first winter, what in the heck ever made them want to stay?

Last year in Charlotte, the one time the white stuff actually fell and the accumulation reached all of an inch, the kids got out of schools, several businesses shut down and the very next day, all of that crap had melted. Um-huh, now that's my kind of winter and my kind of town (smile).

From Lori's Beachwood

Picture Collection

Yeah, it's pretty . . . in pictures . . . and from a safe distance. But I must admit, I do kind of miss the scraping slide of the snowplows and the soft rumble of the salt trucks I used to hear late at night and in the still darkened, wee hours of the morning.

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE . . . IN THE WORLD . . .

I've suffered a series of disappointments of late. A number of friends, family members, colleagues and business associates, alike, have all let me down. But rather than use this space to rail against what I view as the blatantly disrespectful, unprofessional, uncaring and inept behavior of these folks (yeah, check my evil grin), I'm going to follow the advice printed across the front of one of my favorite t-shirts (and said to have been expressed by Mahatma Ghandi): "Be the change you want to see in the world."

So in keeping with that more enlightened frame of mind and and in this SEASON of THANKSGIVING I'd like to extend a heart-felt expression of THANKS to a handful of my fellow bloggers and posters whose unwarranted acts of kindness have recently brightened my day and given me reason to smile.

Malcolm / (of Pop Culture Dish Presented by Malcolm) I think I first "met" Malcolm while checking out somone's Thursday Thirteen. I followed his comments back to his blog and I've been hanging out there on a regular basis ever since. In addition to introducing me to the musical likes of Timi Yuro and cinema showmanship of H. Bogart, Malcolm is the main somebody responsible for my own recent full participation in the meme known as Thursday Thirteen. He didn't just encourage me to do it, he actually took the time to walk my lazy, grumbling butt, step by step through the process. Because of Malcolm, every Thursday (actually Wednesday night) my funny-bone is treated to a full work-out. THANKS MALCOLM. Here's looking at you, kid! (smile)

Emanuel Carpenter / I've been reading Emanuel's comments on AALBC for years now. Even though, for a time, we both lived in the Cleveland area, our "paths" didn't cross, until this past summer when our shared love of writing had us both commenting at a writer-friendly spot called "Blogging in Black," where Emanuel's guest pieces now appear on the 7th of every month. In addition to being a frequent commenter on my blog, and passing along invaluable information to me via email, recently, Emanuel surprised me when he mentioned in AALBC's THUMPER'S CORNER that one of the books he was looking forward to reading in 2008 was my novel, AFTER THE DANCE. What can I say? THANKS EMANUEL. Your day is coming.

Shelia Goss / With several books under her belt, Shelia Goss is very much a seasoned author. I'm not sure why she started visiting my blog (smile), but I certainly welcome her presence. She's linked to The Old School Mix on a couple of occasions and I hope to repay her the favor soon. Actually, I'm thinking of borrowing and adding my own spin to something she does on a regular basis at her Oh No Shelia Didn't blog called "OPB" or other people's blogs. THANKS SHELIA for both the on-going link love and for being an inspiration.

Pjzazzypar / I first noticed Pjazzy's comments while visiting Malcolm's Pop Culture Dish. Her observations are so on point and informative, I really think she should have her own blog (smile). Over the past couple of weeks, PJP has been kind enough to both praise my writing and chuckle at my off-the-wall humor. In my book, it doesn't get much BETTER or NICER than that. THANKS PJAZZY. Now, when are you getting that blog? I need another cool place to visit.

Sharon J. / Everyone deserves a friend like Sharon J. She's been visitng and posting comments on my blog since DAY ONE. When I asked if she'd write something on my blog about her recent trip to Ghana, she said, "Sure," and then actually followed through. A lot of folks will say, "Yes" to something only to turn around and make excuses for why they couldn't or can't honor their word. THANKS SHARON for being such a great supporter of my work and even more so for always being a woman of your word.

Michelle Petelinz / Michelle is someone I met in person last year, prior to bumping into her on- line. You may have checked out her blog Artventuring a time or two, but have you checked out her art? If not, take a look at these COLORFUL BOXES. Wouldn't they make great Christmas, Kwanzaa and Hanukkah gifts? (smile) When I saw Michelle, a couple of months agao at an art festival in Charlotte, she was kind enough to GIVE my son one of THESE. Cool, huh? THANKS MICHELLE. Keep up the good work!

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all! Don't worry, I'm sure in a couple of days this "Be The Change You Want To See" phase will have passed and I'll be back to griping and groaning and sharing all of the negative thoughts stomping around in my head. Until then . . . Peace & Blessings.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #10 . . . 13 PEOPLE WHO COULD VERY WELL STAY AT HOME THIS THANKSGIVING

1) The well-intentioned, but obviously clueless relative who insists on bringing the same nasty a$$ dish every year that nobody wants to eat.

2) The uncle who, instead of saying grace, delivers a ten-minute, mini-sermon.

3) The auntie who always smells like a right lethal combination of bourbon and Bengay.

4) The relative who insists on talking non-stop and in full detail about everybody's medical ailments, health issues, treatments and operations.

5) The greedy a$$ cousins who never bring anything, but eat like field hands and lumberjacks and take two and three foil-wrapped plates home.

6) The sticky-fingered relative you have to stop at the door and pat down and/or wand before he/she leaves.

7) The sticky-fingered relative's shifty-eyed friend, who you highly suspect may be casing your place and planning to come back later.

8) The dear old uncle who generally smells like a right rank combo of moldy, wet tobacco and burnt garlic.

9) The big-mouthed relative who, when he's not bragging about his exploits is telling the same lame, boring a$$ stories/lies he tells every year.

10) The kindly neighbor with the 25 house cats, dogs and/or rats who always wants to drop by with a homemade dish.

11) The sweet, little ole aunt who criticizes your every dish while steadily stuffing her face.

12) The bad a$$ kids or drunk male relatives who go into your bathroom and aim at everything, but the freaking commode.

13) The so-called good friend who only wants to come over so he/she can laugh at all of the fools in your crazy a$$ family.

Any comments or additions? If so, bring 'em on (smile)!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

A PSA ON THE TOPIC OF "PLAYWRITERS" & "FICTIONAL NOVELS" . . .

This public service announcement is primarily aimed at those of you out there in blog-land who didn't cringe or frown when you read the words "playwriter" and "fictional novel" in the title of this post.

The proper term for someone who writes plays is "playwright" as I gently pointed out to the relative who proudly proclaimed himself his church's premiere "playwriter."

For the record, there is no such word as "playwriter." It's one of those made up words, like its ghetto cousin, "conversated." If you don't trust me, look it up for yourself. Unless you're using the New School Dictionary of Ebonics, I'll doubt if you'll find it. The same applies to "fictional novel." If you are currently using this term, for heaven's sake (as well as your own credibility and self-respect), please stop. Seriously, it readily marks you as someone who doesn't have a clue or a dictionary.

Short lesson here, so take notes. A novel is by definition a work of fiction. To insist on describing a novel as fictional is sort of like using the ebonics expression "kilt dead" or "killed dead," if you will. As much as I enjoy the playful use of language, I'll be d@m# if I ever get caught dialing up 911 and yelling into the receiver, "Send the police! Somebody got kilt dead over here!"

One day, years ago when I worked at the public library in Memphis, a gentleman, who fancied himself a writer, told me he'd come in to do a bit of research on his "non-fiction novel." I just nodded, smiled and said, "Uh-huh, good luck with that." Of course, besides wanting to laugh, I couldn't help but think, "What the ---?!"

Still not convinced? Okay, not long ago I watched a reality program on TVOne called "Stage Black." The show featured the playwright, David E. Talbert and his attempts to help a group of young actors break into the business. In the process of critiquing some of their work and upon noting how defensive they were becoming, he paused and said something that had me waving my hand and shouting, "Amen!"

Talbert explained that most people in the business weren't going to be as honest with them about their shortcomings. He said folks were going to let them make a plumb fool of themselves, only to shake their hands afterward, smile in their faces and assure them they'd be in touch. But as soon as they'd exited the theatre, that same director would frown and say, "Scratch him/her off the list and don't ever allow him/her back up on my stage again."

If you don't think that same kind of truth applies to those of us who are out here looking to be respected as writers and authors, you're fooling yourself. To borrow a phrase from the COS, "Come on people!" wake up, do you homework and stop trying to half-step.

Really, I'm not trying to be mean. We all fall short of the mark sometimes. I have no problems admitting that I'm a horrible speller, a lazy proof-reader and I could very well use a refresher course in the basics of grammar. But in addition to relying on my computer's spell check and keeping both a dictionary and an English text nearby, I've learned to accept being called out on my errors. After all, isn't that how you learn and grow?

So hey, if this post rubs you the wrong way, maybe next time, rather than hanging out here at the "Old School Mix," perhaps, instead you ought to dive into that "fictional novel" you've been planning to read. You know, the one written by your friend, the famous "playwriter?" (Smile)

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #9 . . . 13 THINGS NO WOMAN EVER WANTS TO HEAR AT THE END OF A ROMANTIC EVENING . . .

1) Okay, now what did you say your name was again?

2) Yeah, so after I'm finished with my probation . . .

3) Don't worry, the itching and burning doesn't last long . . .

4) Darn, I'm kind of low on cash. You think you could let me borrow (or loan me . . . or let me hold . . .)

5) No, seriously, the trailer . . . (or room in my parents' basement or the tricked-out mini-van, etc.) has a really nice hot tub . . .

6) My phone? Oh, that's just the wife calling to see where I am . . .

7) Oops, sorry, but I think it mighta broke . . .

8) You wanna come over? Mama and her dogs (or her cats or her ferrets or her goats or her ______ **you fill in the blank**) are generally fast asleep by now . . .

9) Funny, the woman I went out with last night said the exact same thing . . .

10) Soon as I get the flea (or the tick or the roach or the _____ ** fill in your vermin of choice **) infestation taken care of, I'll invite you over . . .

11) Did I ever tell you about the time I was on Jerry Springer? (or Maury Povich or Cops or Cheaters or _______ ** fill in your ignorant show of choice**)

12) Okay, I know it looks bad, but I'm really not all that contagious . . .

13) Holy crap! I think you mighta broke it . . .

Well, that's my list (smile). All comments and/or additions are welcome.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

IN PRAISE OF GOOD BLACK FATHERS . . . A Few Comments & A Call For Submissions . . .

Recently, while reflecting on "Carl" the male protagonist in my novel, After The Dance, I drew up a list of some of his more positive traits. The list included some of the following descriptions:

1) He's an old school romantic -- he draws a considerable amount of pleasure from love songs and slow dances;

2) He's hard-working -- he juggles a 9-5 at FedEx and a part-time handyman gig;

3) He's smart and goal-oriented -- he takes night classes & is working toward an MBA;

4) He's silly & fun-loving -- he appreciates the humor in life and isn't too proud or uptight to make a fool of himself every now and then;

5) He's a good father -- his children are, without a doubt, his pride and joy.

Of all the traits on my list, I think the last one may, ultimately, prove the most intriguing to many readers. In After The Dance, I paint a portrait of an adult Black male who not only provides for his children, but also plays and prays with them too. When was the last time you read about a brother like that? Much less saw one on television or at the movies?

There are some in the media, Hollywood, the publishing world, the music industry, society in general, and heck, even within the African American community who would have us believe the type of Black man I just described doesn't even exist. I know better. And as the saying goes, it's never a bad idea to "write what you know." (smile)

So for the most part, that's what I did in After The Dance. I wrote about Black men (and women) who though flawed and at times guilty of outrageous, if not down-right morally reprehensible behavior, are still basically good at heart, capable of seeing the error of their ways and open to changing for the better.

I come from a family full of men like my protagonist, Carl. Though not "perfect" by any means, most of them were/are hard-working, God-fearing, loving and devoted to their families. I'm also proud to say I come from several generations of Southern, working-class, but largely "intact" Black families. I grew up in a household with a Black father. My father lived in a household with a Black father. I grew up knowing both of my African American grandfathers. My own father grew up knowing both of his African American grandfathers, both of whom lived within walking distance of him and his siblings.

My grandfather and his children on an outing. My father is the babyboy seated on the bench. (From Lori's Picture Collection)

No, my father didn't come from Black middle-class, college-educated people. He came from Black Southern farmers and laborers, who though "land-rich" were by most standards "dirt poor." But the way some folks talk, people like me ought to somehow feel guilty about our so-called "privileged" upbringing. Well, forgive me, but I don't . . . not in the least.

My grandfather (mother's side) and my son.

(From Lori's Picture Collection)

What I do feel, I'm not ashamed to say, is special . . . thanks in large part to the presence of a loving, caring and supportive Black father (as well as a couple of grandfathers, a bunch of uncles and a slew of male cousins) in my life.

My Dad and my son. (From Lori's Picture Collection)

If you have a "poignant" story about a Black father you'd like to share, The Five Sisters Publishing Company out of Sacramento, California is looking for essays (350-1500 words) for their "Father's Project." The deadline is November 15, 2007. Authors of selected stories will receive a $25.00 honorarium, a copy of the book and a byline. Check out the following link "Our Black Fathers" for more information.

An Excerpt From "THEFT" by Lori D. Johnson . . . From The Best Of Memphis Anthology 2003 . . .
"Theft" is a story I wrote while living in Cleveland, Ohio. The story is set in Memphis and deals with an ill-fated trip to a grocery store and the severing of the bond between two cousins. The story appeared in the Best Of Memphis Anthology 2003, edited by Jeff Crook and published by Kerlak Enterprises, Inc.
A small portion of "Theft" is currently featured in Kerlak's "Reading Room." and follows the excerpt from Beth Boyett's "The Dead Money." If you'd like to read "Theft" in its entirety and/or checkout some of the other work featured in the collection, copies of The Best of Memphis Anthology 2003 can still be purchased from Kerlak, in bookstores throughout Memphis and through Amazon.com.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #8 . . . 13 NOTABLE QUOTES BY POLITICIANS . . . THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY . . .

1) "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." (George W. Bush)

2) "I did not have sex with that woman." (William J. Clinton)

3) "I am not a crook." (Richard M. Nixon)

4) "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." (John F. Kennedy)

5) "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." (Marion Berry)

6) "My belief is, we will in fact, be greeted as liberators." (Dick Cheney)

7) "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." (Abraham Lincoln)

8) "Yee-aargh!" (Howard Dean)

9) "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

10) "I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times." (Jimmy Carter)

11) "There's not a punk bone in my body." (Memphis Mayor Willie Herenton)

12) "They misunderestimated me." (George Bush)

13) "The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes." (Winston Churchill)

Do you have a favorite quote by a politician? Do tell--good, bad or ugly--even if it's not one on my list.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

MORE SOUTHERN EBONICS . . . WHAT Y'ALL TALKING 'BOUT?

The following are my definitions of the words and phrases I mentioned in a previous post. So when my novel After The Dance hits the shelves in April of 2008, don't forget you already have a reference guide here at the Old School Mix (smile).

1) bourgie: a less than flattering way of describing the middle-class; derives from the word "bourgeois."

2) chillren / chilluns: children

3) Christmas gift: a friendly Christmas greeting, like "Merry Christmas." The hubby swore only the old folks in my family used this particular expression until I showed him this reference in the Dictionary of American Regional English.

4) deef: deaf

5) haint: a ghost

6) hainty / haintey: stuck-up; haughty; uppitty

7) hey: hi; hello; how are you?

8) holped: helped (a couple of weeks ago, the hubby came home all excited about an NPR program he'd heard in which the word "holped" was actually discussed **LOL**)

9) knee baby: the next to the last child

10) main / mane: how many Black males in Memphis commonly pronounce the word "man"; this was one of the few things Brewer got right in the movie "Hustle & Flow."

11) mama 'nem: mama and them; one's relatives

12) mannish: a boy who isn't yet an adult, but who acts like one

13) roguish: bad; mischievous

14) sadiddy / saditty: stuck-up; self-righteous; arrogant

15) scound-bugga: a soundrel

16) sho' nuff: sure enough; also this is quite frequently used as a question or a version of the word "really" (Sho'nuff, girl?)

17) slobbed: slobbered

18) Sunday week: To be honest, I still don't know what this means (LOL). It refers to either this coming Sunday or the next.

19) trifling: shiftless; lazy; shady; no good

20) you (s) a tale/tail: you're a liar; you're lying

I appreciate all those who commented on the previous post. You all aren't as bourgie and sadiddy as I thought you were (smile). Seriously, thanks for sharing. I even learned a couple of new words and as we all know knowledge is truly power.

IN CELEBRATION OF MY . . . 100TH POST . . .

From Lori's Pic Collection

Yes, in honor of my 100th post I changed my profile photo. Don't get too attached because I kind of like the old black and white baby pic and I just may go back and repost it at some point (smile).

The color photo is only a couple of years old. The twists in my hair are a little thicker and longer, but basically I think I look the same. My son snapped the pic and I'd say he did a fairly decent job of capturing the essence of ole Moms (smile).

One of my favorite things about the photo is the framed artwork in the background. The signed and numbered print is a piece entitled "Up All Night" and it is one of several I own by the Memphis-connected artists/brothers commonly known as "Twin."

I love how Terry & Jerry Lynn, who really are twins, capture the music, the vibrancy and the funky soulfulness of the Bluff-City and the Mid-South community. But what truly fascinates me about the twins is their ability to work on a piece simulateneously, (quite often standing side by side) as if they were of one mind. Cool stuff, don't you think?

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #7 . . . 13 TRICK OR TREAT DON'T (S) . . .

I'm early, I know. Halloween is another full week away. But I felt a need to air these particular feelings/grievances ahead of time. And now that I have, I feel so much better (smile).

1) DON'T send your kid out to knock on doors until you've first taught him/her proper Halloween etiquette. "Give me some candy!" and "Is that all you've got?" are not acceptable substitutes for "Trick or treat! and "Thank you."

2) If you're 13 years old or older and you're thinking about knocking on my door and asking for candy . . . DON'T . . . unless you're looking to be embarrassed or have the police called on your behind.

3) If you're thinking about letting little Ashley dress up like Peaches the stripper or Kitty the call girl, and calling it a costume . . . DON'T! That mess is SO NOT cute.

4) If you forget to buy candy, DON'T try to substitute those stale mints and those dried up sticks of gum that have been sitting in the bottom of your purse or in that dusty bowl in the living room forever. That's just nasty . . . and trifling.

5) If you're one of those anti-sugar freaks, DON'T pass out toothbrushes and dental floss--sheesh, just turn out the lights and keep your durn door shut.

6) DON'T send your child up to my house clutching one of those big, green, 30-gallon sized trash bags, unless he/she is pretending to be a sanitation worker. It's Halloween folks, not garbage pick-up day.

7) If you're sitting in the house in your drawers, getting your drank on, when the door bell rings, do us all a favor and just DON'T answer it.

8) DON'T pass out candy you had left over from Valentine's Day or worse yet, last Halloween.

9) If you notice that my porch light and all of my house lights are OUT or I've got a big a$$ neon sign on my door that says, "NO CANDY HERE!" DON'T bother to knock or ring my freaking doorbell.

10) If you see me out trick or treating with my kid, DON'T jump out the bushes and holler "Boo!" unless you're looking to get clubbed, maced or possibly even shanked. Mama DON'T play that.

11) If your religious beliefs prevent you from participating in Halloween, DON'T spoil it for the folks/heathens who do by passing out prayer cards, verses from Revelations or communion wafers.

12) If there's a thunderstorm or a blizzard or the weather man says there's a tornado, hurricane or a tsunami in the immediate vicinity, please DON'T show up at my door trying to trick or treat.

13) DON'T send your child out door-to-door on Halloween without a costume or at least some make-up. That's not trick or treating folks, that's just plain ole begging.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants