Thursday Thirteen # 34 . . . 13 Things, I Assure You, I Don't Want To See . . .

1) Your drawers -- I don't care if they are clean. I don't care if you bought 'em off Ebay from Puffy or borrowed them from Madonna; I don't care if they're lined in silver and/or gold -- All I'm asking is that you pluck 'em up off the dang floor (ditto the dining room table, chandelier, etc.) before I come over and/or pull up your sagging or low-riding jeans!

2) Footage of you or any of your loved ones giving birth -- To be clear, any home movies containing surgical procedures, blood, gore and/or screaming (in the notable absence of a rollercoaster) I can very well do without.

3) Your corns, hammertoes and/or bunions -- If your tootsies look like they're coated in oatmeal or belong on a rooster, eagle, dragon or some other winged critter (mythical or real), please don't go barefoot or wear sandals around me.

4) Any of your removable body parts -- If any of your body parts come off or pop off, I'm more than willing to take your word for it.

5) Your nail clippings -- Were I into hoo-doo and looking to cast a spell or curse on your behind, your ole nasty clippings might come in handy. But since I'm not, dispose of them properly, please.

6) Your false teeth or your raggedly-looking mouth without them -- It's not often I prefer illusion over reality, but this is definitely one such case.

7) Your boobs -- Okay, unless you're nursing a child (preferably one under the age of 2) or you're experiencing a wardrobe malfunction, I really don't care to see your girls.

8) The sonogram image from your ultrasound -- I understand your excitement at your pending arrival, but unless the image is in 3-D or you're in the last month of your third trimester, I really don't know what the heck I'm looking at.

9) Pictures of you or any of your friends and/or relatives drunk or in the buff -- Fair warning, if you email me some mess like this or invite me to view such on your Facebook or MySpace page, you're putting our friendship in serious jeopardy.

10) Your a$$ crack -- Unless we're in an intimate relationship or for some socially acceptable reason, I find myself forced to change or clean your nasty behind, please spare me this trauma.

11) Anything a physician has removed from your body -- The sole exception being a child, of course. But gall stones, kidneys stones, warts, moles, tumors and other such growths . . . yeah, I'm really not trying to see any of that.

12) The excessive hair growing from your ears, nose, arm pits or covering your back -- Unless you've got paperwork verifying that you are indeed a Cro-Magnon, do me a favor and keep all of that stuff neatly trimmed or to yourself.

13) Any of your bodily waste products -- Really, some things ought to go without saying. But in the event that they don't, wipe your nose, flush the toilet and get thee quickly to the nearest doctor and/or shrink if the situation dictates such measures.

Well, are there any others you'd like to add? As long as you don't get too gross or x-rated, have at it (smile).

For those of you who don't know, sadly, the old Thursday Thirteen site and meme no longer exists. But a new crew has decided to keep the tradition going under a slightly different format. See Here for more info.

Now That President Obama Is 'The Man' . . . What Are Your 'Yes We Can' Plans?

So what's next?

Now that all of the cheers and tears have come to past . . . Now that all of the partying is over and the songs have all been written and sung . . . Now that Barack Hussein Obama has officially been sworn in as the 44th President of these United States and we've all claimed a bit of the historic moment for ourselves . . . what do we do next?

I'm saying, you do know there's still a lot of work to be done and even with all of his charisma, intellect, and unquestionable ability, President Obama can't do it alone? Really, isn't it time we stopped being the type of people who will show up for the party, but can't be found when it's time to roll up our sleeves and get to work?

No, I'm serious. Did we not all nod in agreement when Obama said, "We are the ones we've been waiting for?" Well, if "Yes We Can" is ever to be more than a catchy campaign slogan, don't we need to take that next step and start asking ourselves, "Yes we can--what?"

Perhaps, like me, you've already done so. When the Obamas, as a family, made a point of getting involved in community service projects on the MLK holiday, I'm pretty sure they were attempting to set an example. But the truth is, some of us, my family included, had already made plans to spend a portion of the day engaged in such endeavors. It's something we've done for the past several years now.

Of course, the truth of the matter is, I was on the Obama bandwagon long before he even announced his candidacy. After reading his book, Dreams From My Father, something inside of me said, you know, this guy just might be The One (as apposed to That One *smile*). But it wasn't until I heard his nomination acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention that I felt inspired to go beyond thinking and griping about the problems that faced our nation and becoming more involved in some community relief project.

The task I've taken on is helping to feed the hungry. In recent months, I've been moved by a number of different articles that have detailed the on-going fight to end hunger. One article in particular told the story about a group of kids, who though enrolled in an after school hunger program, were writing in their journals about being hungry over the weekends. To me, it is both heartbreaking and a disgrace that any child in the United States (or elsewhere in the world for that matter) would spend a day, much less an entire weekend, hungry.

So, I figured since I'm in the grocery store a couple of times a week, anyway, why not pick up a something or a few things for someone else, every time I go? And that's what my guys and I have been doing over the past several months. We keep a box in the kitchen and once it's full of items, we drop it off by the local food bank. It's a small thing, but I think it makes a big difference in some one else's life as well as in our own hearts. And for me and mine, it's a step and a start in the right direction.

Your contribution doesn't have to mimic ours. Your calling might be bigger or it might be something smaller. But I do think it's imperative that those of us who voted for and say we support the ideals put forth by President Barack H. Obama . . . Get Up . . . Go Out . . . and DO SOMETHING!

I've shared a bit of my plans and efforts. Now, what are YOU gonna do?

There's A New Blog In Town . . . Diversity Ink . . .

I'd like to take a moment and tell you about a coalition I was recently invited to join. A group of multi-ethnic and multi-racial bloggers, led and founded by one of my blogging buds, Malcolm (of Pop Culture Dish, Presented By Malcolm fame) has joined forces to produce a blog called Diversity Ink. The blog will address a variety of issues pertaining to race and with the hope of creating a dialogue between folks of different racial and ethnic backgrounds.

In the first post, Malcolm shares a bit more detail about the groups' origins and purpose . . . "The Purpose of Diversity Ink."

Other recent posts include "White Privilege: Myth or Reality" by Pjazzypar and "Work To Be Done" by Marvalus.

If you get a free moment in the coming days, I hope you'll take a moment to check out the entire blog, participate in the conversation (if you are so moved) and help spread the word about the coalition.

It's a new day y'all. Let's make the best of it.

Authors Behaving . . . Badly . . .

I'm always fascinated by what folks share with me upon discovering that I'm a published author. At the doctor's office the other day, a woman shared with me a story about a book signing she'd attended at a local bookstore. The popular author was one whose work the woman had enjoyed in the past and she was too tickled at the opportunity to finally meet this person in the flesh.

Unfortunately, most of this woman's good feelings about the author soured when she (the woman telling the story) stepped up to the table and handed the author her book. The author looked at the woman, frowned and said, "This book is old. I'm only signing copies of my new book today."

Well, the woman said she wasn't about to get out of line, grab one of the new books and get back in line again. So, she reached over, snagged herself a book and said, "Okay, sign this."

Rather than happily oblige, the author looked at the woman, frowned again and grumbled, "You haven't even paid for this yet."

The woman was like, "Dag, would you just sign the book already! I am not getting out of line just to pay for this and then have to get back in line all over again."

Well, the woman finally got her book signed. But she hasn't forgotten the experience and her feelings about the author in question are hardly what they used to be.

Granted, everyone is entitled to their own way of doing things, but had I been the author, I would have signed the old book and thanked the fan for taking the time to come out and meet me. Sheesh, isn't that what folks with common sense and good home-training do? Yes, I understand and appreciate the desire to make a profit, but sometimes it ain't about "short money," it's about the long-game and the big picture. Chances are, not only will that woman never buy another book by that particular author, but some of the other bystanders who witnessed the incident will in the futute, no doubt, keep their money in their pockets as well.

That's not the first story I've heard about authors behaving badly. And some of the behavior I've been privelged to see with my own two eyes, would truly be funny, if it weren't so damn sad. I'm sorry, I just I don't get these writers, authors, scribblers and scribes who've decided they're the best thing to hit the scene since barbequed chicken wings. They treat people any kind of way. They talk to people any kind of way.

I remember how much I used to enjoy this one author's blog. I'd never read his work, but his blog was funny and insightful, though somewhat edgy at times. Before I could go out and purchase a couple of his books, I read an exchange between him and a visitor to his blog. The author's comments toward the visitor were so mean-spirited and condescending and in a so much holier and smarter than thou kind of way, it was a complete turn-off. It's been over a year since I read the exchange and till this day, I still haven't read or purchased any of the author's books.

I mean really, people, we write books . . . most of us aren't out here risking life and limb in order to rescue folks from burning buildings . . . most of us aren't actively engaged in searching for the cure for cancer . . . not too many of us are capable of safely landing a plane in a body of water, much less walking across some without sinking.

So, for those of you still out there swinging your big heads through the clouds, and acting like folks are supposed to drop to their knees and fawn all over you when you walk into a room, get a damn grip and stop ruining it for the rest of us.

After The Dance . . . The Movie . . .

Before anyone gets too excited, perhaps I should take a moment to clarify . . . there are no offers on the table . . . no options are currently being discussed . . . and no directors or movie mogul types are currently leaving voice mail messages on my phone. I'm simply dreaming aloud . . . fantasizing, as we creative types are apt to do (smile).

Yes, like a lot of writers, I'd love to see my novel land on the big screen. But in my on-going discussions with folks who've read After The Dance, I've discovered that the actors and actresses I envision playing Carl, Faye, Nora, Scoobie, Cousin Squirrel and the crew, don't always line up with the ones selected by the novel's readers.

For instance, yesterday, during my teleconference with some of the good folks at the Raleigh Branch of the Memphis Public Library, it was suggested that Don Cheadle might make a great Carl. I was like, "Huh! Don Cheadle?! He's way too skinny and too, ahem, mature-looking to play Carl. LOL. My reaction was very similiar, several months ago, when a friend suggested Carl Lumbly for the role of Carl. Nuh-Uh!

Okay y'all, as much as I admire the talents of both Mr. Cheadle and Mr. Lumbly, neither one of them would really fit the role of Faye's charming next door neighbor. I think folks are paying way too much attention to the characters depicted on the cover of the book and not enough on how those same characters are actually described in the book. In After The Dance, Carl is described as a man in his early 40's, tall, dark, bearded and with a former athlete's build.

The guy who fits my mental image of Carl is someone a number of you may have never even heard of . . . G. Garvin, the good-looking Black chef who has written a number of cookbooks and whose show "Turn Up The Heat" airs on TVOne. Yes, I know he's not a trained actor, but Mr. Garvin not only has the right look, he has more than enough of the Southern, down-home charm needed to properly pull off a Carl.

A couple of folks have suggested Jennifer Hudson might make a good Faye. While that's not a bad choice, even though she seems kind of young for the part. Were I given a real say in the casting of After The Dance, my first choice for the role of Faye would be Jill Scott. Yep, I think Jilly from Philly could more than handle the role of Faye and she definitely has the look.

A friend who lives in the Cleveland area suggested Jill Marie Jones (who played Toni on Girlfriends) as Nora and I actually think that's an excellent choice. This same friend ( I think she must have led a past life as a casting director) suggested Mel Jackson (who played in Soul Food, the movie, starred in the last season of Living Single and in one of my favorite movies, Uninvited Guest)as Scoobie aka Chef Venard Payne) and I absolutely adore that selection.

When one of the fellas from the Renaissance Men's Book Club at the North Branch of the Memphis Public Library suggested Flava Flav as Carl's Cousin Squirrel, I nearly croaked! LOL. No, I'm guessing Chris Rock's little brother, Tony Rock (from All of Us) would make the perfect Cousin Squirrel.

Well, those would be my picks, but what about you? If you've read After The Dance and you feel like sharing, tell me which actors and actresses you'd like to see playing some of these characters. Also, if you know how I might get in touch with the agents or managers of any of my selections, hook a sister up with the info so I can send them a book! Okay, a girl can dream, can't she? LOL

Old School Hip-Hop . . . Favorites

Believe it or not, one of the things I miss most about living in Memphis and Cleveland, is the opportunity to watch VH1 Soul. Since, in recent years, I've pretty much given up on trying to listen to the radio, VH1 Soul is where I typically hear all of the latest R & B and Hip-Hop releases and checkout the accompanying videos.

Best of all, with VH1 Soul, I can get my urban music fix without having to listening to a bunch of ignorant talk and pseudo-intellectual babble in the process. Unfortunately, my cable provider here in Charlotte doesn't offer the channel (BIG SIGH). So one of the the activities I enjoyed the most over the holidays was sitting for hours on end in front of my parent's big screen TV and zoning out to the vidoes, musicial count-downs and documentaries on VH1 and VH1 Soul.

One of the shows I caught on VH1 (which we do get here in Charlotte) was a count-down of the top 100 greatest Hip Hop songs. Talk about an enjoyable trek back down memory lane. The show made me think about my own list of favorite old school Hip Hop artists. I thought about saving my list for a Thursday Thirteen post, but there were way too many to limit to thirteen. Besides, something tells me the Thursday Thirteen crowd isn't really into Hip Hop, old school, or otherwise (smile). So, in no real order, here it is--

Lori's List of "Old School" Hip Hop Favorites

1) A Tribe Called Quest

2) Da La Soul

3) 3rd Bass

4) Arrested Development

5) Digable Planets

6) Eric B. & Rakim

7) Queen Latifah

8) Mase

9) Dougie Fresh

10) Salt N Pepa

11) Big Daddy Kane

12) Heavy D. & The Boys

13) Public Enemy

14) MC Lyte

15) TLC

16) PM Dawn

17) Brand Nubian

18) Digital Underground

19) Bell, Bev, Devoe

20) Chubb Rock

21) Yo-Yo

22) Grand Master Flash & The Furios Five

23) Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth

24) Lauryn Hill & The Fugees

25) Scarface and The Geto Boys

26) Tupac

27) Biggie

Do we share any favorites? What other old school hip hop artists would make your list?

What? It's 2009?! Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hey, I know I'm late (smile). I just wanted to let you all know I'm still around. I had a great time in Memphis. There's never enough time to see everyone or do everything. My apologies to those I didn't find time to call or visit. I'll catch you on my next run through town. Some of y'all I'm kicking to the curb in 2009 for not even making a half-a$$ attempt to say, "Hey," to a sister. You know who you are (LOL).

ANYWAY, as always, I enjoyed plenty of Memphis style barbecue and blues. I experienced a number of sad, funny and profound moments, some of which I hope to share in the coming days. Also, I've been assessing what worked well for me and what didn't work so well over the last year . . . not only as it pertains to writing and publishing, but relationships too.

I'm a big believer in the line of thought which suggests that if you keep doing the same dang thing and getting the same dang results, perhaps it's time to try a whole new approach (smile). So look for me to do a bit of stretching and house-cleaning in 2009. That's my only resolution for the new year. What about you?

MEMPHIS LOVE . . .

This morning I made an impromptu appearance on live radio! While signing books at Brentano's last night, I made a reconnection with an old classmate from my LeMoyne-Owen College days. Come to find out, my old classmate is the host of his own radio show on KWAM 990 (The New Voice of Memphis). "Tony Todde" is my friend's radio name and it was my pleasure to appear on his hour-long show this morning at 11:00.

A big shout-out to Tony and all of the other Memphians who came out and showed me some love at Brentano's this past Tuesday evening. My Memphis signings have been my favorite and most successful ones, thus far. The homefolks really know how to make a homegirl feel special (smile).

I'll be at Brentano's (Oak Court Mall) again this Saturday (December 27) from 2pm-4pm. If you'd like a signed copy of After The Dance or you'd just like to stop by and say, "Hello," come out out.

Until later . . .

Happy Holidays!

Thursday Thirteen #33 . . . 13 Reading Habits . . .

1) Quite frequently, I'll read the last few pages of a book--just to see how it ends. Seldom does it lessen my enjoyment of the story, nor does it keep me from finishing the book.

2) I love libraries, but I buy more books than I borrow.

3) When I start a hard-back, I generally remove the cover until I've finished reading the book.

4) I've been known to read in the tub.

5) Sometimes I'll read more than one book at a time.

6) Don't ask to borrow one of my books. I hate loaning them out because I know they're not coming back.

7) I prefer reading literary fiction, short story collections and essay collections.

8) I tend to use bookmarks and prefer not to dog-ear the pages of my books.

9) I've been a regular reader of the newspaper since the age of twelve.

10) In recent years, I've stopped subscribing to a daily newspaper and switched to being a weekend only subscriber.

11) Typically, what's popular or on the best sellers lists doesn't interest me.

12) I tend to read books that have been out for a while.

13) On average, I read at least 4 hours a day. Of course, this includes the amount of time I spend reading online.

Do we share any reading habits? Do you have any odd reading habits?

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Thursday Thirteen #32 . . . 13 Christmas / Holiday Traditions (Past & Present)

Baby Boy's 2nd Christmas

from Lori's Picture Collection

1) Shortly after Thanksgiving, I start listening to Christmas music and I don't typically stop until sometime in January. Yeah, not everybody in the fam is down with that, but what can I say? Some of my favorite Christmas cds include--Grover Washington's Breath of Heaven, Boney James' Funky Christmas, the Jackson 5 Christmas Album, Handel's Messiah: A Soulful Celebration (by various artists) and The Best of Vanessa Williams: The Christmas Collection.

2) Putting something in the bell ringers' kettles. I feel guilty when I don't.

3) Participating in Advent ceremonies, festivities and observations.

4) Enlisting my son's help in putting up the Christmas tree.

5) Pulling out and plugging up the Black Santa who dances to Jingle Bell Rock.

6) Mailing Christmas cards.

7) Watching Christmas movies. Charlie Brown Christmas, "Polar Express" and Chevy Chase's "Christmas Vacation" are some of my favorites.

8) Listening to Grover Washington's "Breath of Heaven" at night, by candlelight. One year, while living in Cleveland, the hubby and I lit the candles, opened the curtains and watched it snow while listening to the music.

9) Before our son was born, the hubby and I spent Christmas Eve delivering gifts.

10) After our son was born and while we were living in Memphis, I'd cook a huge pot of chili on Christmas Eve and invite our relatives over for the exhange of gifts.

11) When I lived in Memphis, I'd make a couple of lemon meringue pies for my family's big Christmas dinner. Since my move from Memphis, I've managed to weasel out of this task (smile).

12) Driving around the city after nightfall on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and taking in all of the beautiful (and/or tacky) Christmas displays and lights.

13) Getting my grub on at my cousin Gertrude's house on Christmas Day.

Well, do we have any traditions in common? Feel free to mention a couple of your own Christmas / Holiday traditions.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

UNSUNG . . .Who would be on your list?

Besides the food, one of the things I most enjoyed over the Thanksgiving holiday was a TV One television special entitled "Unsung." The 4-part series explored the lives and musical talents of The DeBarge family, Phyllis Hyman, Donny Hathaway and The Clark Sisters. Each hour long segment gave a detailed account of the individual's or the group's rise and subsequent fall from the limelight. The series greatly exceeded my expectations and I managed to catch every segment except the one on The Clark Sisters--which was unfortunate, because of all the artists profiled, I know the least about them.

Some of the things I learned about the DeBarge family truly shocked me. I mean, I knew some of them had drug problems, but dag, not ALL of them! And like an astute observer on another blog pointed out, whatever they were using and abusing, straight-up wrecked some sho'nuff havoc on those good looks. They now all look to be about the same age as their 70-some year old mama. Say it aint' so, Chico, say it ain't so! (LOL) Yeah, Chico is my favorite DeBarge and I hope one day soon he and some of the others are able to get it together and come back out strong.

The Hyman and Hathaway stories I pretty much knew, but they still left me melancholy and wondering what each might be doing now and much more great music might they have produced had they lived.

I do hope the folks at TV One plan on continuing the series and perhaps even, at some point, including a few unsung actors and atheletes in the mix. "Unsung" was some of the most insightful, educational and entertaining TV I've watched in quite some time. If TV One is considering expanding the series and is in need of a few suggestions, the following are a few "unsung" singers, groups and musicians I'd loved to see profiled: Curtis Mayfield, Gil Scott Heron, Angela Bofill, Bill Withers, Roger Troutman, Slave, The Sylvers, The Brothers Johnson, Billy Preston, Michael Henderson, The Stylistics, The Dramatics, Norman Conners and Loose Ends . . .

Obviously, I could go on, but I'll stop there. What about you? What "Unsung" entertainers from the music world would you like to see profiled in an upcoming show?

Signed Copies Of . . . After The Dance . . .

Believe it or not, while I was surfing the net one night, I stumbled upon a site where someone with a signed copy of my novel, After The Dance, was asking $60.00 for it. Huh? LOL! I'm saying, you can buy the durn thing at any bookstore for $15.00 (or less if you go through Amazon) and if you send it to me, I'll sign it and send it back to you for free.

Yes, the offer is, indeed, still open. If you mail me your copy of After The Dance, I'll sign it and pay the postage required to have it mailed back to you. The offer has been extended and will remain open until Friday, December 12, 2008. If you're interested, email me (go to my blog's "view my complete profile" page for the contact info/email address) and I'll tell you where to mail your copies.

Hey, Michelle F. from Memphis, if you're reading this, your copies arrived in my mail today! (smile) Thanks for supporting my efforts. I'll sign the books and get them back to you ASAP. Also, I'm looking forward to seeing you and all of my other Memphis friends, family members and associates in the coming weeks.

Parameters of Blackness (Part II: Electric Boogaloo)

Prior to the publication of After The Dance, I shared a portion of the manuscript with various friends and relatives. A comment from one of my cousins took me by surprise. According to her, the names of my primary protagonists--Carl & Faye, weren't "Black enough." My initial reaction was--"Huh? Say what! Come again."

Yeah, according to Cuz, I should have named my characters something along the lines of "Shauneequah" and "Jondavious." OKAY . . . Now, had the remark come from someone other than this particular cousin, perhaps I might have understood it.

To give you a bit of background, even though I'm a few years older than my cousin, we spent a fair amount of time together as kids. Our grandmothers are sisters and our families have always been close. Just like I did, my cousin grew up in a two-parent household. Her parents and mine left the hood a LONG time ago. Just like I do, my cousin lives in the suburbs and like me, is in a marriage that has lasted longer than 10 years, and like me is the mother of one child, a son.

No one in either of our immediate families has a name like Shauneequah or Jondavious. Not that there's anything wrong with either of these two names, I'm just saying--why would my cousin or anyone else feel justified in implying that I'm being something other than Black if I opt NOT to go the Shauneequah and Jondavious route? Are names like those somehow more authentically Black than names like Carl & Faye or Lori & Al or Wendy & Brian? (Yeah Cuz, what? You thought I wasn't gonna call you out?! LOL)

My cousin's son and my own are both African American youths who have excelled academically since Kindergarten. Does that fact somehow make them less authentically Black? As the Black mother of a Black son and as someone who writes stories about Black people, am I somehow obligated , for the sake of "keeping it real" to churn out portraits of African American boys who make failing grades and flunk out of school? Who only dream of being sports figures and hip-hop artists? Who only look up to pimps, drug dealers and gang bangers? If so, for whom am I keeping this real? And why?

I think, like a lot of people, be they Black, White or Other, my cousin has bought into the lucrative fiction of what Black is and what it ain't--a fiction that's currently being cut and repackaged before being sold back to us, like so many nickel and dime bags. A fiction created by the image and identity hustlers who've set up shop in the publishing world, the music industry, Hollywood and the like. They get paid well feeding us a steady diet of the same old, tired stereotypical images and even when we know better, some of us have allowed ourselves to get hooked. Yeah, we're buying it, ingesting it and eventually, like addicts, finding ourselves somewhere (whether it be at the bookstore, the movie theatre or in front of the television) straight sprung, fiending, frothing at the mouth and wanting to beat-down the first somebody who dares suggest, "You know, maybe all of that sh!t ain't good for you . . ."

In the December 2008 issue of The Writer, there is an article entitled, "On writing against ethnic stereotypes," which mainly focuses on the media's distorted and one-dimensional view of Italian Americans. The author of the piece, Paola Corso, states that stereotypes aren't necessairly bad when used purposefully and I tend to agree. I'd love to see more African American artists, musicians, writers, filmmakers, etc. attempting to flip the script by manipulating stereotypes via satire, parody and humor. I attempted to do some of that in my own debut novel. But these days, more often than not, the most serious offenders (pun fully intended) and eager perpetuators of some of the most vile, negative and derogatory things said about Black men and women are other Black men and women.

To be clear, I don't have an issue with names like Shauneequah and Jondavious. I have plenty of Shauns and Jons in my extended family and within my circle of friends, none of whom I consider more or less Black than my cousin or myself. My issue is with the mindset that suggests there is only one way of being authentically Black . . . an authenticity that is all too often narrowly defined and tied to a host of negative images and outright stereotypes.

You know, at some point I may write about a character named Shauneequah, but you'd best believe she won't live in the hood, have a crack habit, take licks upside the head from her gangbanging boyfriend, Jondavious, or work for a process-wearing pimp who dreams of being a rapper (smile). Nope, my Shauneequah will probably be an African American businesswoman who lives in Charleston, owns a seafood restaurant, a beachside home and a pilot's license. She'll probably be in a long-distance relationship with some well-to-do resort owner, a North African she met while vacationing in the south of France (I am so making this mess up off the top of my head, LOL). My Shauneequah will probably be in the process of legally adopting her deceased best friend's little girl, both of whom, the best friend and the little girl, just so happen to be White.

Yeah, I know, a story like that would never get published, at least, not by someone like me.

(If you're interested or you missed it--PARAMETERS OF BLACKNESS: PART I)

Thursday Thirteen #31 . . . 13 Dog Types I Would/Have/Might Consider Owning . . .

I'm not a "dog person," but like the members of the next First Family, I may soon find myself sharing quarters with one. Sigh. My son and the hubby have their hearts set on some BIG a$$, hairy, stank-breath dog. Black Labs. Golden Retrievers. German Shepards, etc. My typical response to suggestions of this type are, "hell no" "have you lost your fricking mind?" and "forget about it."

Truth be known, my dog of preference would be a cat. (LOL) I like cats. I know cats. Cats use the litter box. Ordinarily, they don't suffer from chronic halitosis or enjoy rolling in their own poo. But since owning a cat is out of the question (the hubby is allergic), and I know I'm going to be the primary caretaker of said dog, I've drawn up a list of canines I would (have or might) consider owning.

1) Invisible (I mean really, wouldn't this be ideal? Can't we just all pretend?)

2) Stuffed (I'm saying, imagine the flexibility that comes with this choice. No barking. No shedding. No vet bills. No huge mounds of crap in the yard . . .)

3) Puppy (Okay, in all honesty, I've yet to meet the puppy I didn't like. If only they didn't eventually grow up to be big, stank breath dogs . . .)

4) From a pound or animal shelter (I do very much like the idea of rescuing some lost or abandoned or ill-fated pooch.)

5) Jack Russell (If I'm doomed to own a dog, I'd prefer a smart one. These dogs have always struck me as highly intelligent.)

6) Rat Terrier (This fits my preference for something small and cute. I'd actually be open to owning two of these, but the hubby appears to have a strong bias against any animal with the word "rat" in its name.)

7) Any short-haired Terrier (Have you noticed a theme or pattern yet? LOL)

8) Mutt (I've heard mixed bred-dogs have the best dispositions. And while I could easily live with a neurotic cat, co-habitating with a nut-case for a dog is out of the question.)

9) Beagle (I think this would make for a good compromise. It's not too big, not too small and they seem halfway intelligent, I mean for a dog.)

10) Hunting Dog/Pointer (My grandfather hunts and has always owned a hunting dog or two. So, I kind of know what to expect from this breed and they appear to have a fairly decent temperament.)

11) Chihuahua (Once upon a time, I didn't really like this type of dog. As a child, all the ones I ever saw were bug-eyed and yapped a lot. But in recent years, I've seen some cute and relatively quiet ones. The hubby grimaces at the thought of owing what he considers such a "foo-foo" dog.)

12) Any small, short-haired, female dog (Yes, I would prefer a girl dog. Of course, the hubby is lobbying for just the opposite.)

13) Hairless (Come on, how could you not love a dog who looks scared and shivers a lot? At least I wouldn't have to worry about her shedding .)

Well, any suggestions? I'm open . . . even though I'd still prefer a cat. Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Memorable Characters . . . Lasting Impressions . . .

I recently finished a book I already know I'm bound to read again, Blues Dancing by Diane McKinney-Whetstone. I'm a late convert to Ms. McKinney-Whetstone's work, but with two books down and another one waiting for me on my shelves, I'm well on my way to becoming one of her biggest fans. Her characters in Blues Dancing were so well-drawn and full of life, I haven't been able to stop thinking about them.

Plot driven, action-packed, drama-filled stories are fine and dandy, but there's nothing I love more than a truly memorable character, a character capable of occupying a place deep within the recesses of my gray matter-- days, months and years after our original encounter. The following list (in no particular order, mind you) contains some of my all-time favorites. I hope it will inspire you to think about and share some of yours.

1) Verdi Mae & Johnson (the couple from Diane McKinny-Whetstone's Blues Dancing whose jones for heroin alters their lives as well as their love for one another)

2) Sula (the delightfully evil female protagonist from Toni Morrison's novel by the same title)

3) Blue Hamilton ( the brother with the blue eyes from Pearl Cleage's Some Things I Never Thought I'd Do. A good friend and I are still debating the significance/symbolism of those blue eyes, LOL)

4) Laz (the lovable, wool hat-wearing character from Suzan-Lori Parks' Getting Mother's Body)

5) Sophia (from Alice Walker's The Color Purple. My apologies to all of you Miss Celie and Shug Avery fans. Sophia's stubborn defiance wins me over every time.

6) Easy & Mouse (the unlikely partners from Walter Mosley's Easy Rawlins mystery series)

7) Socrates Fortlow (from Walter Mosley's thought-provoking, Always Out Numbered, Always Out Gunned)

8) Pecola Breedlove (the little girl who longed for blue eyes in Toni Morrison's Bluest Eye)

9) Grant Wiggins (aka "The School Teacher") & Jefferson (the reluctant teacher and student from Ernest Gaines' A Lesson Before Dying. Just thinking about them makes me tear up)

10) Walter Lee (from Lorraine Hansberry's A Raisin In The Sun. I've long identified with Walter Lee's desparate sense of longing. Sorry P-Diddy, but Sidney Poitier's portrayal of Walter L. in the original screenplay won't ever be topped)

11) Hazel (the running little girl from Toni Cade Bambara's short story, "Raymond's Run")

Okay, your turn. What characters have made a lasting impression on you?

Check This Out . . .

The following is a link to my most recent interview . . .

An EDC Creations Interview with Lori Johnson

YES WE CAN . . . YES WE DID . . .

Barack Hussein Obama

The first Black President-Elect

of the United States of America

"Ah--so this is what the New World hath finally wrought . . . "

Joseph Asagai

from Lorraine Hansberry's

A Raisin In the Sun

Some Information & A Couple of Special Offers . . .

THE INFO

My website (lorijohnsonbooks.com) is undergoing a few tweaks and adjustments, so if you visit and discover it down, please check back again later.

THE OFFERS

If you own a copy of my book and you'd like it signed, feel free to send it to me. I'll sign (or personalize) your copy (or copies) of After The Dance and pay the costs involved in having it (or them) mailed back to you. You'll find my email address on my blog's profile page. Email me and I'll let you know where to send your copy or copies. Books, signed or unsigned, do make great holiday gifts (smile). I'll keep this offer open until the first week of December and I'll post periodic reminders.

For my Memphis Peeps or anyone who plans to be in the Bluff City over the Christmas holiday, I have a special offer for you. I'm having two signings at the Brentano's Book Store in Memphis (Oak Court Mall), one before Christmas (Tuesday, December 23, 5pm-7pm) and one after Christmas (Saturday, December 27, 2pm-4pm). The first person to show up at either signing and who purchases TWO OR MORE COPIES of After The Dance (a single copy is only $15.00 plus tax) will receive a FREE AUDIO version of the book. The audio book is regularly priced at $82.75 and the actors do a wonderful job of giving voice to Carl and Faye. So, come on out and do some holiday shopping or else just snag a really nice gift for yourself (smile).

Thursday Thirteen #30 . . . 13 Trick Or Treat Don'ts (REDUX)

Yes, I posted this very same list of Trick or Treat Don'ts last year. But it was a fun list and it's not like anything has changed. So, if you and yours are out there doing any of this mess on Halloween, please stop (smile)>

1) DON'T send your kid out to knock on doors until you've first taught him/her proper Halloween etiquette. "Give me some candy!" and "Is that all you've got? are not acceptable subsititutes for "Trick or treat! and "Thank you."

2) If you're 13 years old or older and you're thinking about knocking on my door and asking for candy . . . DON'T . . . unless you're looking to be embarrassed or have the police called on your behind.

3) If you're thinking about letting little Ashley dress up like Peaches the stripper or Kitty the call girl and calling it a costume . . . DON'T! That mess is SO NOT cute.

4) If you forgot to buy candy, DON'T try to subsitute those stale mints and those dried up sticks of gum that have been sitting in the bottom of your purse or in that dusty bowl in the living room forever. That's just nasty . . . and trifling.

5) If you're one of those anti-sugar freaks, DON'T pass out toothbrushes and dental floss--sheesh, just turn out the lights and keep your durn door shut.

6) DON'T send your child up to my house clutching one of those big, green, 30-gallon sized trash bags, unless he/she is pretending to be a sanitation worker. It's Halloween folks, not garbage pick-up day.

7) If you're sitting in the house in your drawers, getting your drank on, when the door bell rings, do us all a favor and just DON'T answer it.

8) DON'T pass out candy you had left over from Valentine's Day or worse yet, last Halloween.

9) If you notice that my porch light and all of my house lights are OUT or I've got a big a$$ neon sign on my door that says, NO CANDY HERE!" DON'T bother to knock or ring my freaking doorbell.

10) If you see me out trick or treating with my kid, DON'T jump out the bushes and holler "Boo!" unless you're looking to get clubbed, maced or possibly even shanked. Mama DON'T even play that.

11) If your religious beliefs prevent you from participating in Halloween, DON'T spoil it for the others folks/heathens who do, by passing out prayer cards, verses from Revelations or communion wafers.

12) If there's a thunderstorm or a blizzard or the weather man says there's a tornado, hurricane or a freaking tsunami in the immediate vicinity, please DON'T show up at my door trying to trick or treat.

13) DON'T send your child out door-to-door on Halloween without a costume or at least some make-up. That's not trick or treating folks, that's just plain ole begging.

Okay, did I just about cover them all? Are there any others you'd like to add? (LOL) Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

A Vote For Change In 2008 . . .

I early voted yesterday. I live in North Carolina, one of those all-important "swing states" and folks here have been early voting since last week. Given all of the local new reports about the record turnout and having witnessed for myself the overflowing parking lot at the library when I intended to cast my vote, I knew to arrive early. So, even though the polling place didn't open until 11:00 am, I arrived at 9:30. It was good thinking on my part, because, sure enough, there was aleady a line of 15 or more people in front of me.

Patience is not one of my virtures. Most of my friends and family members know if they keep me waiting for too long without a damn good reason, I either leave or start (whatever it is) without their slow behinds. The last time I can remember waiting in a line with that many folks in front of me was for concerts tickets to see the R& B artist, Maxwell back in 2001. The main thing the Maxwell ticket line had going for it was constant and steady movement. In contraxt, the early voting line I joined yesterday at 9:30 was one that didn't lurch forward until 11:00.

Still, I resisted the urge to say, "later for this." No, I stood there with the others and waited, comforted by the fact that at least I'd arrived early enough to stand inside of the building as apposed to outside in the elements. My decision to endure the 1 and 1/2 hour wait was further affirmed when by 10am the line behind me was already outside and consisted of probably three times the number of people standing in front of me.

I first registered to vote shortly after my 18th birthday. Even though I haven't necessarily voted in every election since then, I've always taken the right to vote seriously. For me, it goes beyond "civic duty" or even the often touted, "folks died for your right to vote," line of reasoning.

I don't have any memories of the speeches, rallies, protests, marches, sit-ins, beatings and murders that took place during the Civil Rights movement. Even though I was living in Memphis, TN at the time, I was a preschooler when Martin Luther King was assassinated. All I can remember and never will forget from that chaotic and emotional period in our nation's history is the sight of my mother weeping . . . (see here for the full story)

But what I do know and fully appreciate is my history--my own personal history . . . my family's history . . . United States history as well as the history of African Americans in these United States. And I know it hasn't all been pretty and triumphant or the crystal stair (smile) that some might have us believe. There has been, on the other hand, plenty of inexcusable, unwarranted and unacknowledged horror, pain, struggle, poverty, depravation and inequality, the kind of wich doesn't necessarily fill me with pride for my country or fellow citizens.

Just this past weekend, a suspicious event at one of the local polling sites, prompted my husband and I talk to talk to our school-age son about the historic suppression of the Black vote, the Voting Rights Act of 1964 and the election tampering and tomfoolery that's occured in recent years in places like Ohio and Florida.

So, if you're waiting for me to say, "It doesn't matter who you vote for, as long as you vote," it ain't gonna happened (smile). Sorry, just because something is the nice, polite, politcally correct thing to say, doesn't make it a truth I'm willing to buy into. Nope, for me, the truth is, it does matter, this year more than ever. Our nation seems to be at a crossroads and I, for one, am fearful of what lurks at the end of the narrow and treacherous path we've been plodding and stumbling along for the past eight years . . . if not, all of my life and then some.

That's one of the main reasons why, yesterday, I was so willing and eager to wait in an unmoving line for however long it took to cast my vote . . . my vote for change. And if you really want to know the truth, some of us have been standing in this line for generations. When the time finally came for me to press that lever, don't think I didn't feel the presence of all those who dreamed of such a moment, but never lived to see it, standing right there beside me.

And later that evening, when my son arrived home from school and the first thing out of his mouth when he burst through the door was, "Mom, did you get to early vote?!" not only did his interest and enthusiasm make me smile, it made me view my relatively small sacrifice within the larger context of generations to come.